Jumper

Jokes

What do you call a kangaroo whos in love with a sheep?


A wolly jumper

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What does a bungee jumper any anyone into giving anal have in common?

If the rubber breaks, they are in deep shit.

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Why did the bungee jumper hit the ground?

He didn't pay a tension.

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A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar

And the bartender says, “fine you guys can stay, as long as you don’t start anything.”

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A battery and a pair of jumper leads walk into a bar.

Battery: three drinks now!

Bartender: I'm not severing you.

Battery: why not!

Bartender: because you and your mates look like you're about to start something.

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Whats six miles long and goes four miles an hour?

A Mexican funeral with only one set of jumper cables.

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My buddies and I where out for a night on the town.

We ended up at a high end bar with a dress code.All my buddies being the suave dudes they are where dressed accordingly with suits and ties but I alas was not. See you on the other side fucker they all yelled out as they went in laughing. Well there I was, out in the cold left out,abandoned.Not to be outdone I went to the car and rummaged through the trunk looking for anything I could use to get p


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My buddies and I where out for a night on the town.

We ended up at a high end bar with a dress code.All my buddies being the suave dudes they are where dressed accordingly with suits and ties but I alas was not. See you on the other side fucker they all yelled out as they went in laughing. Well there I was, out in the cold left out,abandoned.Not to be outdone I went to the car and rummaged through the trunk looking for anything I could use to get p


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A jumper I got for my birthday kept picking up static electricity.

So I took it back to the shop and exchanged it for another one.


Free of charge

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A jumper Cable walks into bar,

The bartender says: I will serve you but don't start anything.

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Every Christmas we have a family jumper

its my job to talk them down

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Train conductor who killed a pedestrian gets asked why he didn't stop in time

'Jumper to bumper traffic you know'

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In my family it's traditional to have a Christmas jumper

and then it's my job to talk them down.

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I used to work as a bouncer for a night club.

One day a guy walks up and he is clearly inebriated.

He tells you, “I’m going into that nightclub” *hick*

Knowing you are not allowed to tell him “no” because he is drunk you tell him he can’t go in without a tie.

He said that’s fair and stumbles over to the boot of the car.

He comes back a few minutes l


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Im a good jumper

i jump between apps on my phone untill theres no more feed left to see

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Who reads the fastest? ..... A suicide jumper....

Because he can finish 88 stories in 2 seconds flat.

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Why did the 911 jumper hit the road?

He was fired.

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A high jumper walks into a bar

and is eliminated.

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My uncle was a 911 jumper.

I remember that day quite well. He was constantly jumping in front of the TV while yelling "Allahu Akbar".

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How much of a dickhead are you...

On a scale of 1 to Harvard Jumper?

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A man walks into a bar

He has jumper cables around his neck. The bartender tells him, “you can stay, but don’t try and start anything.”

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A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.

The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.

The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”

The jumper responds by slurring, “We


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Many years ago I tried to get into the local nightclub on a saturday night, but the guy on the door wouldn't let me in because I wasn't wearing a tie.

Many years ago I tried to get into the local nightclub on a saturday night, but the guy on the door wouldn't let me in because I wasn't wearing a tie. So I went back to my car and wrapped my jumper leads around my neck, and tried my luck again. The guy on the door said "o.k, you can come in, but don't start anything"


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Apparently Mao Zedong was a champion long jumper

Everyone else was starving

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A jumper cable walked into a bar

The bartender said "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"

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Traditionally, we always have a family Christmas jumper...

...It's always my job to talk him down :/

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A guy walks into a bar with a set of jumper cablesthe bartender says, buddy, Ill serve you as long as you dont start anything.

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Two jumper cables walk into a bar

The bartender eyed them up and down cautiously and finally says “Ok, I’ll serve ya...but don’t start anything.”

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Someone asked me if I wanted to do Christmas Jumper day next week with them.

I said it has to be the right building I don’t want to end up only being disabled.

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My battery was dead...

So I tried to fix it by attaching it to two jumper cables near a power source.

No luck so far.

I missed many calls that day.

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Many years ago I tried to get into the local nightclub on a saturday night, but the guy on the door wouldn't let me in....

Many years ago I tried to get into the local nightclub on a saturday night, but the guy on the door wouldn't let me in because I wasn't wearing a tie. So I went back to my car and wrapped my jumper leads around my neck, and tried my luck again. The guy on the door said "o.k, you can come in, but don't start anything"


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How do you know your dad's into cars?

The first thing he grabs to beat you with is jumper cables.

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A guy tries to walk into a bar

The bouncer says "No tie, no admittance".

The guy goes back to his car, looks for a tie but only finds jumper cables. He arranges them around his neck like a tie and heads back in.

The bouncer gives him an appraising glance, and says "OK; I'll let you in. But don't start anything!"


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Why did the bungee jumper hit the ground?

He didn't pay a tension.

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A guy goes to a club.No entry_-_

A guy goes to a club; the bouncer stops him. "No tie, no entry." He walks back to his car to find a tie. All he found were jumper cables so he puts them around his neck like a tie. He goes back and says "How's this?" The bouncer says "I'll let you in, but don't start anything."


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I used to say jokes out loud when I was a long jumper.

One day I crossed the line.

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Did you hear about the 911 jumper who survived falling 70 floors?

Problem was he jumped from the 75th floor.

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Question

Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?

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A man with jumper cables...

... Walks into a bar, he asks the bartender for a beer and a shot of tequila.

The bartender replies "I hope you aren't trying to start something in here"

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What is this jumper made of?

Boyfriend material

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Whats blue and fucks grannies

Me in my lucky blue jumper

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What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?

a Wooly Jumper

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A drunk walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck.

The bartender: "You can stay but don't try to start anything."

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A bra, a battery and a set of jumper leads walk into a bar ...

The bra goes to get the drinks but the barman refuses to serve them. The bra asks why. The barman says ".. you're off your tits and your mates look like they're going to start something".

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A pair of obviously wasted jumper cables walks into a bar

and says to the bartender "gimmie a drink buddy."
The bartender looks him up and down and says, "alright, I will give you one drink. But you better not start something!"

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A bra and a set of jumper leads walk into a bar...

The barman says, “Sorry, I can’t serve you.” The bra and jumper leads ask "Why not?”
And the barman replies “Because you’re off your tits and you’re looking to start something.”

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What do you get when you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?

a WOOLY JUMPER!

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Did you know well as being Chairman of the Chinese Communist Party, Mao was also a World Record holding long-jumper?

[deleted]

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What do you get if you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?

A wooly jumper!

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I walked into a bar tonight carrying some jumper cables...

Bartender told me not to start any shit in here!

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