Jump

Jokes

Ike calls his wife from the police station. He says he was arrested during 80s night at the local bar.

“What happened?”, inquired his wife.

“You see...”, Ike replies, “...they were playing 80’s music that night, and drunk me had the bright idea of doing something related to the song that was playing at that moment.”

“...Would you mind elaborating?”

“Ok then,” sighed Ike, “One time, they pl


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off.

A filthy tramp wandering by, stopped and said, "Look, since you'll be dead in a few minutes, and it won't matter to you, how about a little sex before you jump?"

She screamed, "No! Go away you filthy old bastard!"

He shrugged and turned away saying, "Okay, I'll just go and wait at the bottom."

She didn't


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Did you know the average gazelle can jump higher than a two story house?

This is due to the animal’s extremely powerful hind legs and the fact that a house can’t jump.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I was going to join the circus...

...but there were too many hoops to jump through.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Suicide Prevention

A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off.

A filthy man wandering by stopped and said, “Look, since you’ll be dead in a few minutes, and it won’t matter to you, how about a little sex before you go?”

She screamed, “NO! Bug off you filthy old bastard!”

He shrugged and turned away sa


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If you're being chased by a police dog,

try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why doesnt Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because all the ones that can run, jump, and swim are already in America

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A soldier sat in a bar with his head in his hands having just finished his first day of Airborne training. His buddy sat down on the stool next to him and asked him what was the matter.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The fire department was called out to extinguish a raging fire..

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A Young man comes home from boot camp is telling his dad all about it...

...He proceeds to tell him about the part of boot camp where they learn to jump out of a plane.

The son says, "Everyone was jumping out of the plane but I was too scared so I just held onto the door. We had a big, black drill sergeant that was screaming at me to jump but I just couldn't do it. He told me, 'Boy if you don't jump out of this plane right now I'm


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A researcher is experimenting on a frog

He says: "Jump!".

The frog jumps, and the man writes down: " The frog with four legs jumps".

He then cuts one of the frog's legs and says: "Jump!".

The frog jumps, and the man writes down: "The frog with three legs jumps".

He then cuts another leg and says: "Jump!".

The frog, wit


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I've always thought the phrase "White men can't jump" is racist...

Because I seen plenty jumping on nine eleven.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man has been sitting on the edge of a rooftop garden on the 20th floor of where he works since 9 AM today thinking about whether to jump or not

It's now 5 PM and he's still on the fence.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Jumping from the bridge...

Bikers were riding west on I-70 when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State
Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tear


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Political speeches

Once, a politician, 3 doctors and 3 engineers decided to climb Mt.Everest.

They arrive there and start climbing. Halfway into the climbing, the rope starts to break. The engineers, with their quick physics skills tell everyone "One of us has to jump or else we all die!". Nobody wanted to jump. Everyone held onto the rope with their hands tightly.

Then, the poli


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Donald Trump decided to sell his own brand of trampolines

He decided to name it the Donald Jump.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Man in a hotel bar bets a man that the updrafts on the side of the tall building he can jump off the roof and safely land on the ground, softly...

The other guy says laughs it off, and the first guy says, "tell'em barkeep!"

Bartender sighs, "I've seen him do it."

Second man is rightly confused, but intrigued.

Five minutes later, he watches the man jump off, and last second slows and settles to the ground. He's in shock. Watches the man do it again.

From t


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why did the penis jump off the bridge?

Because he went nuts

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team?

Because everyone who can run jump and swim is already in the USA

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A blond asked directions to the store

this guy said, "Well that's just a hop, skip and a jump away."

"Well that's not how I'm getting there..." She said "You got directions for those who are walking?"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Did you know there is a species of spider that can jump higher then a building

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Irish man stuck atop a blazing building

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Studies show that you can jump into lava.

Once.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Two young American children are breaking into rJokes

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why don't blind people Bungy jump?

the dog doesn't like it

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My wife said I needed a hobby so she signed me up for a bridge club...

I jump off next week.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A young man decides to jump on the streetcar without paying.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why do Mexico never win the Olympics

Because everyone who can ran , jump and swim is already in the us.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why cant Mexico win the Olympics

Cause everyone who can run, jump, and swim are in the us

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why does Mexico suck in the Olympics?

Because everybody that can run, jump, and swim is already in the US

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The jumper

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Taking a neighborhood walk one day, a man comes across another man in the middle of the street jumping up and down on a manhole cover

...and with each jump he calls out "21! 21! 21!" Repeatedly. Finally, after growing annoyed watching, the man on the sidewalk offers, "It's 22, you know. The next number...?" Manhole guy "21! 21! Yeah, I know. 21! 21!"

Sidewalk guy watches a little longer. "Why are you even doing that...?" Manhole guy: "21! 21! Because it's fun! 2


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Hitler's lookinf for athletes in a camp

So, the Olympics are coming up and Germany is having a hard time finding athletes who can jump high enough.

Hitler decides to scout out the prisoners from the camps as well.

In the first camp he visits, he asks if there are people capable of this.

Three prisoners step forward and so Hitler asks how high they can jump.

The first one says, I can ea


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why Cant Blind People Bungee-Jump?

Because it scares the fuck out of the guide-dogs.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

He's right

Man on a ledge threatening to jump off of it. Crowd gathers to watch including his wife.

Wife: What are you doing?

Man: You always tell me I'm wrong! I can't do anything right. I'll just kill myself. You don't even love me!

Wife: I do love you. You are wrong.

Man: Jumps.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

This is serious but it's just a joke

A man is about to jump off a building when a guy next to him says, "wait what are you doing?"

"I'm going to kill myself."

He replies with, "oh yeah, I've been there."

And the guy about to kill himself was shocked. He's never heard anybody say anything like this in his entire life.

He then replies with


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What's the difference between an anti vaxxer and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man walks into a bar..

He sees a piece of steak hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender what’s that for? The bartender replies “If you can jump up there and touch that steak I’ll buy you a drink, but if you jump and miss it, you have to buy me a drink, want to try?”
The man replies, no thanks, the steaks are too high.


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Nude marathon

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway. “Oh my God – Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband’s home early!” “I can’t jump out the window, It’s raining out there!” &ldquo


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How many Chinese people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It depends on how many jump off the roof in the process.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why didn't the penguin jump off of the iceberg?

He got cold feet.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Youre a dick when youre drunk

A woman walks into a bar on the top floor of a building, has a couple drinks. All of the sudden a man jumps out of the window and flys around the building and returns through the window. The woman asks “ how did you do that?” He says “I drink the house beer and then jump, I’m not sure how it happens”. The woman proceeds to order the house beer, drinks it, and steps on


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A physicist sees a guy standing at the edge of a building about to jump.

He shouts:

"Don't do it! You have so much potential."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?

Because everyone who can run, jump or swim is in America.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Tom dick and Harry are onboard a plane that's about to crash


God appeared and make a deal with them, "give me $20 and jump and I'll save your lives" he said.

Tom reach into his pocket and give God $20 and jumped out the plane. He landed into a pool of water and survived.

Dick handed God his $20 and jumped, he then landed on a pile of snow and survived.

Harry reached into his pocket and give God a


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What's the difference between a trampoline and a black guy?

You take your shoes off to jump on the trampoline

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

When the DJ at a club played "Jump," we all jumped.

When he played "Come On Eileen," we all ended up with a court date for sexual assault.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

There was a boy who had a pet frog

The boy was also a budding scientist, so he decided to perform an experiment on this frog. He got a notebook, a pencil, and a knife. He tells the frog, "frog, jump!" and the frog jumps up four feet into the air.

The boy writes in his notebook "frog with four legs can jump four feet"

Then, the boy takes his knife and cuts off one of the frog's legs


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

TIL: It's possible to bungee jump without a rope.

But just once.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My girlfriends threatened to jump off a bridge unless I paint the back bedroom

It’s emulsional blackmail!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE
LOAD MORE