Itching

Jokes

I had sex with a prostitute recently, and it made my friends know I got balls..

I'm always itching down there.

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Mother : Doctor, My son has lot of ance and itching around his face, how can he face these problems?

Doctor : How can he face these problems when the problem is his face.

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I just got a workplace violation for itching my nuts

Since when is scratching your nuts on your coworkers face "sexual harassment"?

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I was wearing my fedora and started itching like mad

So I switched to a beret, and nothing improved.

So I swapped it for a sombrero, and it got even worse.

Turns out I was playing a hat and louse game.

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I was talking to my friend...

and we came upon the topic of itching. We were seeing how far each of us would go to relieve ourselves of an itch. This conversation went on for a while, until I asked if he would use a tin of meat. He vehemently said, “NO! NEVER WOULD I **EVER** DO THAT!” I was taken aback, and said, “ I didn’t expect you to have such a strong opinion on such a thing!” He said, &ldqu


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Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague,Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor.Horatio thought about this, and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it wo


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Once upon a time there lived a ravishing Queen with huge tits...

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague,Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor.Horatio thought about this, and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it wo


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What does Edward Penis-hand fears the most?

An itching butt.

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"Just trying to find some drugs," I said, rummaging around the testicles.

"Right," said my fellow cop, raising his eyebrow. "I thought you were just itching yourself."

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Once upon a time there lived a ravishing Queen with huge tits..

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague,Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor.Horatio thought about this, and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it wo


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I hate how people manage a whole month without bathing.

I start to feel uncontrollable itching after 25 days.

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Once upon a time, and far, far away lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts.

Once upon a time, and far, far away lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts. Nick the Dragon slayer knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician, exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer t


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Once upon a time.....

.......there lived a beautiful Queen with large, beautiful, queenly breasts. Gerald the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Gerald revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Harold the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Harold thought about this and


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The back of my throat has been itching.

I think I'm allergic to gun barrel.

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One of the court jesters wanted to suck the Queen's breasts.

So he asked king's minister for advice. The minister was ready to tell him a way but wanted 50 gold coins in return. Been promised, the minister told him to put itching powder in the Queen's bra.
The next day, the queen started to itch uncontrollably. The king asked the minister for advice, who told him that a only way to cure the itch was to get the breasts sucked by a jester.


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$5 dollar hooker

A desperate, horny man has a sudden urge to get his willy-whacked, so he goes downtown to pick up a hooker.

The man finally picks up a hooker and and is on his way to a safe spot away from the city to do his dirty business. When they arrive at their destination, he tells her, "I only have $5, that better be enough." The hooker agrees and they are on with their thing.
<


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TIL Marcel Marceau got a bad case of poison ivy as a child.

to stop the itching, his mom gave him some calamime lotion.

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With all the attention on preparing unusual foods in the smoker (hikory smoked mustard, maple smoked ice cream, etc.) I thought up a great idea for a smoked breakfast cereal.

We'll call them "Mesquite O's" the cereal with a bite! They'll leave you itching for more!

Do you think we can stir up some buzz about it?

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My anal itching me in public and I can't itch it back

Its so embarrassing when that happen lmao

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When Juan told me he was scratching himself during a questionnaire, I was surprised.

After all, nobody expects the Spanish in-quiz itching.

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Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. 


One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague,Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor.Horatio thought about this, and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desir


read more
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There once lived a beautiful queen

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arran


read more
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Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it wo


read more
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A female dwarf visits the doctor...

"Doctor, each time it rains, my crotch itches really badly."

The doctor tells the dwarf to lie on the examination bed, and takes a look at her genitals.

"Yes, I can see why, but luckily it can be fixed easily."

The doctor pulls out a big scissor, the female dwarf turns pale, jumps down from the table and hurries out. "It's not


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Joke of the day

A question on an internet forum:

Q: Please help, I have this great itching between my toes.

A: Well, that depends. If the itching is between all toes, consult a dermatologist. If the itching bothers you only between your two big toes, consult a gynecologist.

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Dorito its life.

I was eating doritos and my nouse started itching out of nowhere so i picked my nouse and now all i smell its doritos

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Need help for funny idiom. "I'm itching like..."

Sending a funny text, need a funny idiom, so finish this idiom in the funniest/unappropriate way you can. "I'm itching like..."

EDITE: I like all of the below but i should have added context. I am texting him about having crabs. so that joke is already in use :( Any more?

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Working hard is like itching

[deleted]

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Nick the Dragon slayer...

Once upon a time, and far, far away lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts.
Nick the Dragon slayer knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor.
Horatio the Physician, exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the


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Home is the place where you can

scratch your butt and balls exactly where it's itching

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Don't Mesh With Birbal

Once there was a king named Akbar. He had a beautiful and hot queen with very attractive boobs. Even his courtiers could not resist looking at those boobs. Tansen, a cunning courtier had a great desire of sucking those boobs. He told Birbal, the wisest minister of the king about his desires and promised that he would pay him 1,000 gold coins if he could fulfill his desires.
The next day, wh


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Once upon a time.....

.......there lived a beautiful Queen with large, beautiful, queenly breasts. Gerald the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Gerald revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Harold the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Harold thought about this and


read more
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The 5 Dollar Hooker

A desperate, sex-crazed man has a sudden urge to get his willy-whacked, so he goes downtown to pick up a hooker.

The man finally picks up a hooker and and is on his way to a safe spot away from the city to do his dirty business. When they arrive at their destination, he tells her, "I only have $5, that better be enough." The hooker agrees and they are on with their thing.


read more
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Pay your bills!

Nick the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death.

One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it


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Joke I heard a while ago, not sure if it's been posted (new to reddit)

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for


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I came up with this as I woke up. I'm sorry if it's not as funny as I think it is.

So a mite and some itching powder are hanging out on some guy's clothes. The mite is really annoyed because the itching powder keeps making the same joke over and over again, and laughing hysterically each time, no less. Finally, after 20 grueling minutes of listening to the powder, the mite finally snaps.

"Don't you have anything better to do?" The mite asks.


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Bedtime Story.......

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.
Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew
that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch
them, but he had to try. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his
colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio
thought about thi


read more
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