Itch

Jokes

My five year old told me when bees scratch each other they have baby boys. I told him to not be so ridiculous.

He then called me a son of a bee itch.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Teacher is giving a lesson on Biology to her 1st grade class

She teaches the kids all about the skin that covers our bodies. At the end of the lesson she asks her class if they were not covered in skin, what would they like to be covered in.

First little Steven goes: "Miss if I wasn't covered in skin I would be covered in gold so when I got a little itch on my finger I would scratch it and get a little pile of gold which I could use t


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How do ticks get around?

They Itch Hike

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I hate it when allergies make my ear canal itch

Its ear-itating

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I thought I was buying a super awesomely high-powered jock itch cream.

but apparently the "AF" stands for "antifungal."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man joins the French Foriegn Legion...

..to forget something. After a while, he had certainly forgotten why he joined, but being a lifetime commitment, he decided to make due.

Nothing was horrible, except for the fact that his small desert outpost was totally devoid of women. After a couple of weeks of build up, he went to his sergeant, and explained his troubles.

"Oh, for that we use the camels."<


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I have this new itch called...

Urb itch

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Have there been any new advances in anti-itch skin creams?

It just seems like we've only scratched the surface.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Women hero with powers to scratch backs...

A superb itch

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

It's really depressing to imagine being awake in a coma

what if your balls itch

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What's the worst type of itch?

I'm allergic to chillies, you Son'of'a'b-itch'

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Once upon a time, the same guy from that joke..

..you've heard many times before decided to take some revenge on Horatio. Nick the Dragon Slayer decided to put some "itch" powder on himself this time. Now, being Bi in the Medieval Times, decided to celebrate the only way he knew how ~ that itch powder, and the antidote shipped off to the King and Queen. Two shipments and strategic placements later, the accompanying letters were s


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why was the bumble bee so frustrated when he couldn't scratch his back?

Because it was a bee-itch.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My doc prescibed me an RX for my poison ivy and oak allergies.

I got 99 problems but an itch aint one.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

One of the court jesters wanted to suck the Queen's breasts.

So he asked king's minister for advice. The minister was ready to tell him a way but wanted 50 gold coins in return. Been promised, the minister told him to put itching powder in the Queen's bra.
The next day, the queen started to itch uncontrollably. The king asked the minister for advice, who told him that a only way to cure the itch was to get the breasts sucked by a jester.


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How tough are you?

I can resist an itch for 30 seconds


Thank you thank you very much *bows

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

France's secret to winning the World Cup

They used anti-itch cream

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My balls itch

My balls are itchy what should I do

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What disease did Captain Hook fear most?

Jock itch

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A pothead and a leper are in jail

and suddenly lepers' right foot starts to itch. He scratches it against the wall and it falls of. He takes it and tosses it through their cell window.


The pothead is looking at the leper and lights up a joint.


Suddenly lepers' left foot starts to itch. He scratches it against the wall and it falls of. He takes it and tosses it through their cell wi


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My anal itching me in public and I can't itch it back

Its so embarrassing when that happen lmao

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Every day as a child a man by the name of Jose would come into my house and slowly itch my nose,

Every day as a child a man by the name of Jose would come into my house and slowly itch my nose, every time I told him to stop he would just laugh at me and continue to itch my nose. As time went on he came less and less. Eventually a woman by the name of Cathy started coming to itch my nose. When I asked her to stop, she simply said, "No way Jose."


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Long A man with one arm wanted to jump off a bridge to end his life...

...when questioned why by pedestrians, he exclaimed "I can't do it anymore, I'm sick of being disadvantaged, I'm always so unhappy!"

A pedestrian pointed out another man further down the bridge, who had no arms, and had drawn a crowd dancing - "look, it can't be that bad. See how happy that guy is - he's even dancing!"

Wonderin


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A hunter goes to visit a doctor...

"Doctor. It's awful, it's absolutely terrible. I can't get over it."

The doctor, confused over this sudden entrance and statement, asks the hunter what's wrong.

"I don't know how to explain it, recently I've been wishing that I could lick the princesses breasts. It's taking over my life, I can't hunt, eat well, sleep


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Confucius say: one who goes to bed with itch butt...

[deleted]

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The itch from poison ivy is so bad that I just spent hundreds of dollars buying every possible cream and ointment at the pharmacy.

I need to quit making rash decisions.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Idiot question and answer

Q: On which side does a chicken have the most feathers?
A: The outside.

Q: How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?
A: Your nose touches the ceiling.

Q: What’s a flea’s favorite way to travel?
A: Itch-hiking.

Q: Why did the snowman call his dog Frost?
A: Because Frost bites.


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The King's Wizard

In a land far far away the king’s adviser yearned to fondle and suckle the boobs of the king’s 19th wife. He went to the local wizard for advise and promised to pay the wizard if the wizard could make it happen. The wizard then made the wife’s boobs to itch and the wife was in so much pain that the King had to go to the wizard for help. The wizard said the only way for the itch t


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why do men scratch their balls?

Because they are test-itch-els!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What is a Knight in Shining Armors greatest enemy?

An itch.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Who enjoys sex more - man or woman?

A man and woman got into an argument over who enjoyed sex more.

The man argued,"Of course men enjoy sex more than women, no doubt about it!".

The woman replied,"Oh yeah? Well tell me this if your ears itch and you put in your finger inside and wiggle a bit and remove it, which feels better the ear or finger?


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Girls and guys

Q. Why does a girls rub her eyes in the morning? A. Because they don't have balls to itch.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Is it just me...

...or do my balls itch?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My semen is made from scratch which explains why my balls itch all the time

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I think the same thing every time I pass one of those "slow children" signs...

MAN, does this heroin make my skin itch!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why does homemade bread not make your throat itch?

It's made from scratch

^*NB ^OP ^is ^heckle-proof*

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How did Captain Hook die?

Jock itch.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

DJs have a comfortable job...

Out of all musicans, if a DJ gets an itch during his performance, he can just scratch.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What are the 3 rules to buying real estate, the difference between jock itch and athlete's foot, and breastfeeding and a glass of milk?

Location, location, location.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call an someone who's an itch that begins with a B?

Brash.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What finally killed Captain Hook?

Jock Itch!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How do you get rid of an itch?

Start from scratch.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What Did MLK Say When Asked If He Suffered From Jock Itch?

I have a cream.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did the allergic say after getting stung by a bee?

"Life's a bee-itch and then you die."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If you have dyslexia I feel bad for you son...

I got 99 probe meals but an itch ain't bone

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE