Invented

Jokes

Whoever invented the typewriter...

Must have made a prototypewriter

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In 1872 the Welsh invented the condom, using a sheep's lower intestine.

In 1873, the British refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the sheep first.

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What's the name of the rockstar who invented mouth ulcer gel?

Jon Bonjela!

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TIL: The guy who invented the toothbrush plays banjo in his spare time.

Anyone else would have called it a teethbrush.

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What happened when the first car was invented?

It was rev-olutionary

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Why were photographers so depressed before digital cameras were invented?

They spent too long processing the negatives.

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If time travel is ever invented, Bethlehem around Christmas will be a popular tourist attraction

So much so that all of the hotel rooms may be full

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The bloke who invented strepsils died last week

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Do you think the Wright brothers knew what they were doing when they invented the airplane?

Or did they wing it?

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Pigs in a blanket were invented in Alabama.

We know this because they're in bread.

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Mozart was really ahead of his time.

He made elevator music long before the elevator was invented.

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Did you hear about the woman who invented the knock knock joke?

She won the no-bell prize!
(Courtesy of my new Alexa!)

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When the guy who invented the USB flash drive dies,

they are going to put his coffin in the ground, lift it back up and turn it over, then put it back into the ground.

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The scouser who invented the bullet proof vest died today.

RIP Kev La

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Pizza

It says on Wikipedia, that pineapple pizza was invented in Ontario, Canada.

When asked why put pineapple on pizza, the whole country apologized.

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The toothbrush was invented in Arkansas.

Otherwise it would have been called a teethbrush.

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You're dumb if you use contractions. It's lazy, and they never should've been invented.

Wait a minute...

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My grandfather was in the war

He got bored one day in the trenches so he invented the Hi-Vis Jacket.

Was the last thing he ever did

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The original "You won't last 5 minutes playing this game" was invented in

Guantanamo Bay.

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I just invented the reusable condom .



Friend: Come again?

Me: Exactly

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I invented a new word

Plagiarism

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China invented a pen that vibrates when you wright a wrong answer on a test





That pen and I would be dancing like crazy during exams

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Why couldnt T-Rex get to second base?

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I recently invented a golf ball that automatically goes in the hole if its within 6 inches of it.

Warning: Do not put the ball in your back pocket.

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A Russian Doctor invented circumcision

Dr Ivan Karchakokov

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A Dutch man has invented shoes which have inbuilt sat-nav.

Clever clogs.

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They've invented a new version of rugby where only people who wear glasses can play it.

It's a non-contact sport.

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Did you know the toothbrush was invented in Mississippi?

Because if it were invented anywhere else it would be a teethbrush.

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Did you know toothpaste was invented in the southern states?

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What did everyone say when the shovel was invented?

Wow that's a groundbreaking idea!

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Mr Minus-one came home to find Mrs Minus-one crying.

Mr Minus-one: What's there matter dear?

Mrs Minus-one: Mr Pi has been going round saying I'm delusional. He says I've invented our daughter, that she's entirely imaginary.

Mr Minus-one: Ignore him dear, he's completely irrational.

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I believe autocorrect was invented by history's most famous scientist.

Albeit Einstein would disagree.

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I have been racking my brains trying to think of who invented the light bulb.

Whats his name?

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When the University of Florida invented their sports getting Gatorade, their instate rival, Florida State University tried to keep up...

Unfortunately Siminole Fluid never took off.

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Did you know that French fries were not invented in Belgium or France?

They were originally fried in grease.

​

Note: Not my joke but I heard it recently and liked it.

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The person who invented the door knock

won the No-bell prize.

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The man that invented auto correct

should burn in hello.

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I just watched a drama movie based on the true story of how tampons were invented.

It was one of those period pieces but it had a good flow.

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I once met the man that invented windowsills

What a ledge

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I've invented a gaming console designed to help you summon Satan...

I'll call it the occult rift.

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I have just invented time travel and am going to travel with my best friend, Jim. We dont know the year or place we end up in but after we travel back we can press a button to go back to the year and place we came from

Me: I just invented time travel! Hey Jim, let’s travel back in time! It’ll also transport us to a random place too
Jim: what year?
Me: I don’t know. Let’s just do it!
(Travels back in time)
Jim: what year is this?
Me: I don’t know. Let’s ask!
Me: (to a random person) is that a lightsaber)
Stranger: yes
Me: we are


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Did you know that Jews are masters of self defense?

They invented jew jitsu after all... Duh!

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I INVENTED A NEW WORD

PlAgIaRIsM

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I invented a small fan that fits in your ear.

It’s mind-blowing.

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I invented a new word! Plagiarism!

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I invented a new urine cleaning product for cats

It's All Purr-Piss Cleaner.

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Did you know that the toothbrush was invented in (whatever backwards location you want to dis)?

Yup. If it had been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a TEETH brush.

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Teacher: Who do you think invented dancing, children?


Little Johnny: “My guess is a big Irish family with just one bathroom.”

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Everything was great until gravity was invented.

Things went downhill after that.

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Caveman Shark Tank

Guy who invented the wheel - alright this is gonna seem a little unorthodox, but just roll with it

Caveman sharks - do what with it

G - oh you'll see

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