Instance

Jokes

Pools and kids have a lot in common.

For instance if either are neglected they eventually turn green.

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Mirrors are weird. Everybody looks at them differently.

For instance, I look in a mirror, and in my opinion the mirror is the most beautiful thing, but if you looked in it, you'd be disgusted by the sight of pure hideousness.

Mirrors are weird.

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Often, people use fiction as an escape. They live vicariously through the lives of people who don't have to deal with the same problems that they do.

For instance, whenever my parents are fighting, I like to read Batman comics.

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First impressions are difficult

Different people are good at different types of first impressions. For instance, I’m really good at job interviews. I can get called into an interview and no matter what, I’ve got the job, %100 of the time.

But when it comes to first date,
I just can’t seem to nail ‘em

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It's all about proving the naysayers wrong. Take Harold Houdini, for instance.

Before he made it as an escapologist, kids would bully him at school because his name sounded like a Subway sandwich.

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You can tell a lot about a woman by the placement of her breasts.

For instance, if they're on Instagram, she's probably not wifey material.

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In medical school, you really do learn something new every day...

...for instance, today I learned that it's inappropriate to refer to infertile people as "seedless".

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Strippers and cats are more similar than you think.

For instance the both of them sit on your lap but don't like to be touched.

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Sometimes suicide is the answer

For instance if someone asks, “What’s it called when you kill your self?”


Suicide is the answer

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A father and son are out for a walk

The son says, “Dad, today at school I heard someone say that their dad was an alcoholic, what’s an alcoholic?”

The dad replied, “Well an alcoholic is someone who is addicted to drinking alcohol and getting drunk.”

The son said, “What’s it like being drunk, is it fun?”

The dad said, “Being drunk makes you


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Chess Joke

You know chess is like a mirror image of real life in a lot of ways. For instance the person playing as black doesn't always lose, but they generally have to work a lot harder.

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I can't stand people who take drugs.

For instance the aurport security.

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My girlfriend said I was very imaginative in the bedroom.





For instance, this morning I imagined I was going to have sex.

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Girls just move on so fast!

For instance, this girl I dated 9 months ago just had a baby!

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Things really change when you grow up

For instance, nobody tells me I did a good job when I finish all my food!

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Ive recently been learning about geography for instance, the Canary Islands are off the coast of Spain and they dont have any Canaries. Similarly, the Virgin Islands are located near Puerto Rico and they dont have any...

Canaries either

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Reverend...how do I know God exists if I can't see Him?"

"You can feel Him from within."

"I don't understand."

"Well, for instance - can you see my cock at the moment?"

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People often use fiction to escape into the lives of people who don't have to deal with the same problems as them.

For instance, whenever my parents are fighting, I like to read Batman comics.

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There are many things in life that give me great joy.

For instance cooking my children and ignoring commas.

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There are many things in life that give me great joy.

For instance cooking my children and ignoring commas.

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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat.

As he settled in, he glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat. Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Sexual Stu


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Zodiac signs can tell a lot about your personality.

For instance, if you believe in them, you're an utter cunt.

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Eating at McDonald's has plenty of health benefits.

For instance, it would prevent you from dying of old age.

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Not all heroes wear capes

for instance, Spider-man

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Asian Porn Addiction

Most Asian males are like insanely addicted to porn. Take Japan for instance, super low sperm count super low libido.

The fucking samurais have been demasuclated because of some fucking anime titties.

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Not all heroes have names

for instance,

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I love when people are super committed to carrying out a joke...




For instance, my parents told me I was a disappointment and kicked me out 4 years ago on April 1st. They haven’t spoken to me since.

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Yesterday, I got one of those extremely authentic, hyper-realistic sex dolls- and shes so life-like its almost eerie!

For instance, as soon as I got her home last night she told me we should just be friends...

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You know, history loves to hate on Hitler, but when you get right down to it, he actually did some pretty good things in his life.

For instance, killing Hitler

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Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face,

For instance when you push them down the stairs

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A colon can really change a sentence. For instance "John went home to eat a pie" becomes..

J:o:h:n: w:e:n:t: h:o:m:e: t:o: e:a:t: a: p:i:e:

See. Totally unreadable.

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So much has changed ever since my girlfriend told me we were having a baby!

For instance, my name, address, and telephone number!

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So much has changed since my girlfriend told me were having a baby

So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we’re having a baby. For instance my name, address and telephone number!

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The US Military today confirmed that two marijuana users were killed when an aircraft crashed into a house shortly after takeoff.

Experts are saying it's the first recorded instance of killing two stoners with one bird.

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My favorite thing about Trump?

He has an uncle that works at Nintendo and tells me all kind of Nintendo secrets. Like for instance Waluigi is actually in Ultimate Smash!

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Parenting is sometimes like being a criminal

For instance when I'm in the kitchen and yell "Stay back! I have a knife"

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So much has changed since my girlfriend told me were having a baby...

So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we’re having a baby. For instance my name, address and telephone number!

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A man recently lost 28 pounds just eating chicken.

It’s the only recorded instance of one bird killing two stone.

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I find numbers and days interesting, its nice to see the coincidences that can crop up.

For instance, it’s been 6,877 days since I was born, and it’s also been 6,877 days since I was last inside a woman.

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I find dates interesting, what I find interesting is the coincidences that can crop up.

For instance, it’s been 6,877 days since I was born. And it’s also 6,877 days since I was last inside a women.

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Back before the internet was so public it was very hard to get to places we take for granted. For instance there used to be a gay internet, strictly for gay people.

To find it you had to hit these keys in this sequence on your keyboard it was "Enter" "Colon" "Pound, pound, pound"

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Spanish Stores End in "a"

For instance, florists is florería. Lavandería is a laundromat. But what do you call Taco Bell for short?

Diarrhoea

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It's interesting how different parts of the country have different ways of saying the same thing.

For instance, in most parts of the country, having an income of $100k or more is called "making six figures".

However, here in San Francisco, we call that same thing "living above the poverty line".

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A little Indian kid asks his father how the parents decide on a name for their children.

The father says, "Well, in the morning after children are consummated, the parents name the child after one of the first things they see when they leave the teepee. For instance your sister, Running Doe, or your brother, Proud Eagle. But why you ask, Two Dogs Screwing?"

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There are many opposites in this world.

For instance: my wife's computer just shut down. Now she won't shut up.

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So much has been changed since

So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we’re having a baby. For instance my name, address and telephone number!

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It's amazing how adding one sentence to a phrase can change the meaning entirely! For instance, special ops are military operations,

while special oops is a baby with Down syndrome

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Politicians are the biggest liars!

Take Hilary Clinton for instance. Last year she said she was 69, and now she's saying that she's 70! ^(btw not a factorial)

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Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face...

For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

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A European and an American plan to meet for lunch

'So, vhen do you vant to meet for streusels?'

'Hmm, I'm feeling we should meet... let's say, 1 o'clock?'

'Vun o'clock! Are you mad? That's in the middle of the morning!'

'What are you talking about, are you some kind of idiot? 1 PM!!'

'PM? Vhat is this PM? You say 1 PM? Vhat is


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