Innocent

Jokes

An old farmer

wrote a letter to his innocent son in prison:

"This year I'm unable to plant potatoes because I can't dig the ground. I know if you were here you would have helped me."

The innocent son replied: "You idiot, don't dig that ground, I've hidden the guns there."

The police read the letter, and the next day they dug the gr


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You can't blame Johnny for all the naughty comebacks he has..

Just like all super heroes, he has a story; he was just an innocent boy walking down the street when suddenly someone threw a bucket of ice on him out of nowhere..and from that point on he just became icecold

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Worried that his wife would cheat on him when he's away, the husband decided to draw a guard holding a rifle on her thigh

"he will protect you and our marriage" the husband said proudly.

Soon after he was gone, she succumbed to temptation and slept with their neighbor.

After their passionate lovemaking, the wife saw that the picture of the guard has been rubbed off, so she asked the neighbor to redraw it. As the neighbor is a great artist, she was happy with the drawing and confide


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A man is on trial for cannibalism

A man is on trial for cannibalism.
He says to the judge,

"Well, your honor, if you truly are what you eat, then I am an innocent man."

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A Panda walk into a bar.

The Panda immediately attacks the fucking hostess mauling her brutally. Screaming patrons run out side doors jump through windows all in an attempt to avoid the rampaging bear who by now is taking savage swipe after savage swipe tearing meaty chunks out of people as they run.

Finally the bar tender jumps the counter and confronts the bear screaming, "why are you doing this to the


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Did you hear about the hispanic serial killer who got away just because he collected trains?

The judge ruled him innocent because he had locomotives!

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What's the difference between soccer players and NFL players?

Soccer players pretend to be hurt

NFL players pretend to be innocent in court

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The wife checked her husband's phone and found the following names.....

- The Tender one
- The Amazing one
- Lady of my Dreams

She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his Mother. Then she called the second number to which his Sister replied.
When she dialed the third number, her own phone rang !!

She cried until her eyes got swollen because she had doubted her innocent husband, So she gave him her


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Your honor, if you truly are what you eat

Then I am an innocent man

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A guy was sleeping with a girl other than his wife...

...he then hears his wife knocking on the door.so he wished that the other girl would disappear,then a fairy appeared and told him that she would grant him his wish but he would drown in 2 years.he accepted and the girl vanished.two years later his friend told him about a vacation on a cruise ship.of course he accepted forgetting the whole fairy wish thing.when on the ship,the fairy appeared again


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Why did the innocent painting go to prison?

Because it was framed.

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Whats the difference between an innocent black guy and a white serial killer?

One is on his way to prison, and the other is a white serial killer

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A panda walks into a bar

The Panda immediately attacks the fucking hostess mauling her brutally. Screaming patrons run out side doors jump through windows all in an attempt to avoid the rampaging bear who by now is taking savage swipe after savage swipe tearing meaty chunks out of people as they run.

Finally the bar tender jumps the counter and confronts the bear screaming, "why are you doing this to the


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If Muslims say that we should learn from Muhammad then Christians can also say that we should learn from Hitler.

Hitler kills the enemies, and Muhammad kills the innocent.

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I ended a Million innocent lives

Ah fuck masturbating daily is hard

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A man arrives in a gulag and his fellow prisoners ask how long he's in for, and what crime he committed. He says 'I'm in here for 25 years, but I'm completely innocent'.

The prisoners say 'Don't lie to us! Everyone knows the innocent get 5 years!'

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How do you know when a cop kills an innocent man in America?

When the front page of reddit is filled with cute police dog pictures

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Suspect: Im innocent! He died of natural causes.

Police: There was clear evidence that you pushed him off the roof.

Suspect: Well, gravity is natural.

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A cop tazed a innocent civilian

It was a shocking sight.

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My friends told me that a Latino guy is hitting on my crush, but I dont know who he is. I dont care about innocent people, Im so angry that I want to fight them all

Juan by Juan.

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Three ducks went to jail

When they arrived, a large swan approached them. "What's your story?" He asked.

The first one said "I'm Huey, I'm not sure what I did wrong. I was just blowing bubbles in the pond."

The second one then steps forward and says "Hey, I'm Dewey. I was also blowing bubbles in the pond."

The Swan goes to the third


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A little girl was playing in the garden

A father watched his young daughter as she played in the garden. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she stopped and stared at the ground. The father went over to her to see what had captured her attention.

He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are tho


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The police had a lineup of 10 suspects.

They would walk to one of them, and tell them to say a line, in hopes that something would prove that they were lying. Then, they would continue to the next suspect and repeat.

When they got to the guilty suspect, they told him to say: “I did not go on a mass crime spree and kill 300 innocent people.”

The man then shouted, “I thought I only killed 200!&r


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EXPERIENCED PROSECUTORS NEEDED TODAY THE OFFICE OF THE ATTORNEY GENERAL OF REDIT HAS ESTABLISHED A SPECIAL COUNSEL TO INVESTIGATE REDDIT ADMINISTRATORS IN THE MATTER OF THE YEARLONG UNLAWFUL SHADOWBAN OF AN INNOCENT REDDIT USER

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That old woman in a fake fur coat who had ink thrown on her really had it coming!

Does she even know how many innocent fauxes have been murdered to make that coat?

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An innocent kid and a stranger are walking in the woods.

An innocent kid and a stranger are walking in the woods when the kid says, “It’s spooky out here!” And the man replies,”How do you think I feel?! I gotta walk back by myself!”

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Three murderers are on death row. The day rolls around for their execution. The first man sits in the electric chair and the priest says...

“Any last words?” The murderer exclaims “I’m innocent!” They pull the handle, but nothing happens. The electricity doesn’t run. The priest, astonished, says “that’s a 1 in a million chance, it must be a sign from god. you have be telling the truth.” And the first murderer is free to go.

The second murderer comes in and sits in the


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Jennys Mother phones Johnnys Mother in a rage..

“I need to talk to you about your son’s behaviour! I walked in on him and Jenny playing doctors and nurses earlier, I was shocked. “

“Well all kids experiment sexually, I’m sure it was perfectly innocent” Johnny’s Mother replies.

“Sex?? He was taking her fucking appendix out!!”


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A father watched his young daughter as she played in the garden. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she stopped and stared at the ground. The father went over to her to see what had captured her attention.

He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those spiders doing?" she asked. "They’re mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top?" "That’s a Daddy Longlegs."


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My wife just birthed the most beautiful, innocent, perfect, dark-haired, green-eyed, 8-pound, precious little baby boy!

Too many Dadjectives?

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Request My son is going to be the MC in his school talent show. Does anyone have some good (innocent!) one-liners they could share? Thanks in advance!

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When learning a new language it's important to be mindful that you aren't omitting words accidentally.

That way an innocent sentence like "I fucking hate kids" doesn't land you in jail.

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A man was arrested by a cop. He said he was innocent.

Upon investigation it was discovered that he was indeed arrested by a cop.

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

The fascinating story of an innocent chicken trying to escape the farm

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I watched a man on the street begging for change.

After a few hours, he got up, walked to a quiet street and hopped into his Mercedes. I followed him. When we were in quiet place, I flashed him and he got out the car.

​

I said, "I saw what you were doing back there... taking advantage of innocent, naive people, stealing their hard-earned money."


He said, "Yes, and what


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I just got kicked out of an anti-vaxxer group for telling them "they are all doing god's work....

And by god's work I mean giving diseases to innocent babies"

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Rudy Giuliani is such a bad defense attorney that.....

He would have gotten an innocent WHITE man convicted.

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Or you could say,

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He would have gotten Brock Turner jail time.

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You know, I used to be a innocent boy. When I heard the word "sexist" on television...

I thought they were bad people who had a lot of sex and worshiped sex. I guess it was the opposite...

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I was told in the next Star Wars movie, a villain would blind an innocent little bird.

Porg eye.

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In the 16th Century, a King of India...

outlawed the killing of any lions or tigers.

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Over the years the populations of these two predators grew. The result was that both human and livestock lives were in peril. The people complained to the king, but to no avail. The bans would stay.

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Finally, after years of innocent slaughter by these predators, t


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What lives in the sea and preys on innocent mermaids?

Jack The Kipper

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The only reason white looks innocent

is cause it doesn't show the cum.

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A old father watched his young daughter playing in the beautiful garden.

The old father smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of Almighty God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. Daddy, what are those two spi


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Yes, judge I do have something to say

If you truly are what you eat, then I am an innocent man

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People Say You Are What You Eat

I guess I'm an innocent man

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Why did Bruce Jenner become a woman?


Why did Bruce Jenner become a woman?

Because he was tired of being guilty until proven innocent.

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A 9 year old girl is playing with her younger sister...

... In the backyard of the house, when the older girl tap on her sister shoulder and point at the neighbor house saying:

_"Oh my god, look the neighbor's wife is giving a blowjob to the mailman under the veranda!

And her innocent sister ask with a cute little voice:

_"What's a veranda?."


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How do we know Brett Kavanaugh is innocent?

He's a judge, and rape is illegal. Judges can't do anything that's against the law.

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I don't want my son buying Grand Theft Auto. Having sex with prostitutes, stealing from innocent people, driving recklessly...

I can teach him about these for free.

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Daddy long legs

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.

He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.

Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.

He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her


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