Info

Jokes

A panda walks into a bar

He sits at the bar, and orders some food. The food comes, and he eats. Once he's done, he jumps up, pulls out 2 pistols, and shoots wildly around the bar. He then turns to leave.

The bartender says "Hey, what the hell is your problem?"

The panda says "I'm a panda, look it up!"

The bartender pulls out his phone and looks for in


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People are worrying about Huawei stealing personal info but it's the Western technologies (Apple, Blackberry, Raisin, Raspberry pi) that we should be concerned about.

They're much more likely to be inciders.

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TIFU by giving a stripper my credit card info

All she did was stripper my bank account bare.

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Folks watch out there is a malicious virus.

more info here: www/http/bacardi.biud789h2389fnuwer8h92fr3buwec8y32fuf28y2hveive9.llcoolj.groot.8rfui234fr9.cum

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For your info am take one week off in 9 month

I am a gyneco

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Anyone have contact info for a girl named Celine?

Doctor said I have to shoot inceline three times a week to control my diabetes.

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Just found out the dudes name who was stealing my credit card info

Dudes name was Brazzers I guess. I’m gonna find him and kick his ass

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Mark Zuckerberg

Mark : we need 1000s of people's image so that we can fetch the data for the AI but we are running short on money this time. Any inputs?

Consultant 1: get the info from Apple's AI

Consultant 2: XoXo rofl! let's create a #10yearchallenge

Mark :

consultant :

Mark : perfe...

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After long consideration, my wife and I have decided we do not want to have children.

If anybody here does want children, just leave your contact info and we'll drop them off tomorrow

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I was holding a pissing competition last week.

Someone came up to me and asked if they could participate. So I said all you have to do is give me your info and urine!

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If info gathered about scp-055 is always forgotten, then I think I know what it is

My birthday party

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Why is there a holiday song about an itchy father?

It's called "Fleas on my Dad", can't find any info on it.

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My wife and I decided we do not want kids

If anybody does, please send me your contact info and we can drop them off at your convenience.

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My daughter just cracked my new Iphone Xs screen, so Im passing it back to a lucky commenter. Info below.

Girl, 7-year-old, can do basic math and alphabet, good at housework, overall a good child.

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Medical Professionals will understand. What is thr difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer?

The way it tastes!


Background info : Oral thermometers have a blue end cap, rectal ones have a red one. Sometimes though, they use the oral one for rectal with a cover. A little EC Humor.

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Did you hear that the government hid evedence of flying dinosaurs

The info was pteredacted

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Somebody tried to steal my insurance info from me.

Basically, he crashed into my car, and asked for my insurance card. But the next thing you know, that thief starts taking pictures of my card! Thank god I called the cops on that thief.

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Yo mama so fat

her contact info take up all the storage space in your phone

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Mad Cow

A Sexy Female TV reporter, with Big bOObs,Interviews a farmer, seeking the cause of "Mad Cow Disease".

Lady : sir, we are here to get some info on what causes the Mad Cow Disease....
Do you have any idea?

The farmer said, "Do you know that a Bull Screws a Cow only once a year?"

Lady : (embarrassed) "Well, that's a piece


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What day do all info tables fear?

Columnbine.

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The Jews are the first to know computing....

because Moses went into the Cloud and received info in Tablets.

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Whats the difference between a woman and a computer

You can actually punch info into a computer

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How do sex offenders send info online?

[deleted]

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If a sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA info and one ejaculation equals 15,875 GB of data, then why aren't we using sperm based hard drives?

Because once the data is released the hard drives revert to floppy dicks.

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How do you get info from a french dude?

You est-ce que question

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Autocorrect Fails for Creative Project. Can you help?

Hi All - I'm working on a creative project and would like to invite you to contribute. Do you have any autocorrect fails that are epic? Either around romance, family, life, anything?! Did someone ever send you a hilariously on point autocorrect fail that has since gone down in the history books? If so, let me know and send me a screen shot/message of that fail.

Just a disclaimer


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California Dreaming

A detective is sent to investigate a robbery. He makes his way to the crime scene and starts asking questions.

He asks his first potential witness if anything suspicious was going on the day of the robbery. The witness reported that an unknown tall and thin man with brown hair was in the area. The detective took down the information and moved on.

A second witness recal


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At the last minute, a reporter removed identifying info from his article about a woman who defended herself against a man who competitively raced AMC cars

The reporter was a Pacer racer macer tracer eraser

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What has replaced tonsils as a useless part of your head?

The brain. Electronic devices have made the world a much stupider place. As comedian/actor Paul Reiser said recently on Real Time with Bill Maher, back in the day your brain held all the information, all the learning, all the things one needed to solve and answer any problem, any question. Now, the brain is just an empty vessel as all info is put into all electronic devices. A co-worker of mine c


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I have some insider info on kellogs cereal

[deleted]

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New World Wide Info for all

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What do you call a squashed Italian?

A Nepalitano.

Oh yeah - wait a sec - OK - for the low-info crowd here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Napolitano

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Abri-form junior?

Im new to wearing irl and am looking around for my first pack of "good" diapers. I am a 29" waist and a pretty small guy. So im thinking the s4 or the junior. Has anyone tried the junior ones? Theres no info about them from any abdls that I can find.

http://www.abena.com/For_Juniors.aspx?ID=14756

Stay padded my friends >^^<


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A true story

One time I said to a guy "I love learning new things. I'm a bit of an info maniac". He thought I said nymphomaniac and so he fucked me. After I said "No no no, I like info, I'm an info maniac". Then he said "Well here's some info, you just got fucked, go clean yourself up".

R.I.P. Harris Wittels


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Did you hear about this new website which will have lots of info about penises

they are planning to call it dickipedia

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Since this post' http:www.reddit.comrfunnycomments2shlkqfound_out_i_could_change_my_phones_boot_animation ' became so popular and everyone asking to how to do it..so here is the method...

Since this post' http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/2shlkq/found_out_i_could_change_my_phones_boot_animation/ ' became so popular and everyone asking to how to do it..so here is the method
First Download...kingroot apk...(link:http://www.nextwap.net/mobile/J9D2PVRVba/kingroot_330_root_.html)
then install that in your phone..
open it and click on big green button...<


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Sony has a site where you can watch The Interview for $5.99 and I can't think of a single reason not to trust them with my credit card info.

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A ventriloquist is worried about his future so he goes to see his agent...

His bookings have dried up because his act seems a little old hat. His agent tells him he should go into fortune telling. Its very popular he says.

So the ventriloquist gets some training and meets his first client. He tells her for $10 he'll tell her about her financial future. For $20 he'll tell her about her romantic future.

She asks what she gets for $30. He


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.and then he got really angry.

So I rear-ended a car this morning.

I pulled over as did the car in front of me and I see the driver getting out of his car.

I am freakin’ out and nervous and then look and can't believe what ‘m looking at. I had hit a midget…or dwarf, whatever the proper term is.

He looks pissed and starts walking towards me so I start to get out o


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My boss reaches into the filing cabinet...

and is trying to take out a file, but is having trouble, and says, 'why is it not coming when i pull on it.' ~ real life story (sorry i didn't know where else to submit)

Unecessary other info: I started smirking after he said this, he called me perverse, and then I laughed for a good couple of minutes after this, while he called he perverse a few more times.


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