Infectious

Jokes

I went on a blind date where her online profile said she had an infectious smile.

Turns out they were cold sores.

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An infectious disease walks into a bar

An infectious disease walks into a bar.


The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here."


It replies, "Well your not a very good host."

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The Infectious Disease Olympics has been cancelled as the first event was a complete disaster. All contestants drowned!!

Turns out Water Polio wasn't such a good idea.

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Im producing a movie about a young couple who kept a detailed journal describing their battle with infectious mononucleosis

Initially it was just about a single guy, but a good mono log has to have at least 2 people

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I was recently quarantined by the CDC

for having an infectious smile

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A new highly infectious virus has broken out in Boston causing large amounts of people to sneeze so hard fall on their ass.

They’re calling the “mass achoo sits”.

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Why was the leper banned from the comedy club?

His laughter was infectious.

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My favorite medical joke

A radiologist, internist, surgeon and pathologist go duck hunting for the first time together. Huddled in their duck blind, they see their first bird in the distance take flight but don’t want to shoot something not in season. They quickly debate the best way to assure it’s truly a duck.

“Well, by all appearances I’m viewing this current avian with a binocu


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Did you hear the joke about the mosquito-borne infectious disease?

[deleted]

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Professors Define a Kiss :

In math: Two divided by nothing.

In physics: The contraction of 
the mouth due to the expansion 
of the heart.

In accounting: It’s a credit, because it is profitable when returned.

In economics: A thing for which the demand is higher than the 
supply.

In dentistry: It’s infectious and 
antiseptic.


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All these Charlie Sheen jokes are pretty infectious

[deleted]

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What do you call a Mongol with an infectious skin disease?

A leprekhan

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An infectious disease enters a bar...

The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here." It replies, "Well, your not a very good host."

It isn't mine, my doctor told me this one

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What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.

For those that don't know what a leper is: (essentially an infectious disease that can cause various bodily tissues to fall off)[http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leprosy]

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People tell me I have an infectious personality

But my doctor keeps telling me to take more medicine.

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An infectious disease enters a bar...

The bartender says, "we don't serve your kind in here." It replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."

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An infectious disease enters a bar...

the bartender says,"we dont serve your kind here". The disease replies, "well you're not a very good host!"

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Science Jokes

A virus walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve viruses in this bar."
The virus replaces the bartender and says, "Now we do."


An infectious disease walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve infectious diseases in this bar."
The infectious disease says, "well, you're not a very good host!&quo


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