I don't want my old dog to be incontinent

So I sent her to an island.

Today I met an incontinent hippie on LSD.

He had a bad drip.

Whats the difference between an incontinent nymphomaniac and an epileptic corn farmer?

One shits and fucks and the other shucks in fits.

Whyd I shit myself in Australia?

I’m incontinent

Finding out my spouse was disabled and incontinent...

Was a wife-changing experience.

Did you hear about the incontinent tomato grower?

He soiled his plants!

Why did the incontinent man fall down at the bar?

He had a loose stool.

What do incontinent monkeys do?

Shit macaques

Incontinent people need to get their shit together and clean up.

What do you call an incontinent defensive player in American football?

A piddle linebacker

I have a stutter and I'm incontinent.

I have a hard time telling people I'm going to shit myself.

Why did the incontinent museum director get fired?

He kept gushing over the gallery.

Did you hear the one about the incontinent chipmunk?

He was raised by squirrels and ate nothing but large nuts.

Rectum.

Sometimes I wonder if my girlfriend will love me if I become incontinent.

Then I think, “No. Who could love someone so shitty?”

What do you call it when you shit yourself during the first meal of the day?

An Incontinent-al Breakfast

What do you call an incontinent flower?

A poops-a-daisy

Why couldn't the incontinent man print his documents?

He couldn't Ctrl+P

I gave my incontinent friend some adult diapers...

He's a changed man now.

What do you call an incontinent Turkish man?

Mustafa Pee.

What war-dance did George Washington perform after becoming incontinent? (Not gross)

The War of In-Depends Dance.

Printer jam

Why couldn't the incontinent person print?

They couldn't Ctrl-P

What do you call someone who wears a diaper fashioned from a map?

Incontinent

What's the difference between an incontinent person and a 1980's Renault?

One's a leaker, one's a Le Car.