My schizophrenic friend loves to give inanimate objects names.

He named his car wheels “Matthias”

Whats the difference between a black dad and a boomerang?

One is an inanimate object you fucking racist.

A man walks in a bar and orders a beer to drink...

Everyone looked at him like he was crazy for talking to an inanimate object.

We have a friend who likes to have sex with inanimate objects, but we havent seen him for a long time.

He always has stuff to do.

My wife said she would leave me if I kept pointing at inanimate objects...

I said “there’s the door”

My friend, who likes to have sex with inanimate objects, hasn't been around in a while...

I heard he's finally settled down with that one nightstand

We have a friend who likes to have sex with inanimate objects, but we havent seen him for a long time.

He always has stuff to do.

What did the math book say to the pencil?

nothing. they are inanimate objects they can’t speak

Stop saying no to drugs

You talking to inanimate objects is the reason why your doctor prescribed them to you in the first place.

I quizzed my one of my friends on what inanimate objects you can have sex with.

Turns out, he knew a fucking thing or two about fucking a thing or two.

My wife just told there was a brothel opening up featuring only sex dolls.

I told her if I wanted to have sex with an inanimate object I would resume having sex with her.

A beekeeper walks into a bar, wearing the full suit and hood.

He says to the barkeep, “I’ll have a beer, and so will my honey, I’ve had a long day.”

The barkeep, confused, says, “We don’t serve inanimate objects.”

The beekeeper replies, “What the hell are you talking about, it’s for my wife, she's parking the car."

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Never anthropomorphize inanimate objects.

They hate it when you do that.

Some idiot I know thinks inanimate objects are gay.

I do not want to fly your biplane you fucking idiot.

As a lesbian, I can relate to the members of the NRA...

...because I also use inanimate objects to make up for my lack of dick.

There existed a small nation with a peculiar practice..

There existed a small nation with a peculiar practice. The people of each town chose their mayor by magically imbuing life into inanimate objects and letting the sentient objects dispense laws. Often the objects they chose and the way those objects acted reflected the spirit of the villagers that created it. The wealthy village in the north was represented by a big diamond that spoke with a posh a

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Why cant you suprise a snow man?

Because its an inanimate object.

You shouldn't personify inanimate objects.

They hate it when you do that.

Hey there Reddit! I'm a porn star and anal acrobat! I've inserted over 100 different inanimate objects into my butt!

Ass me anything.

What do calenders eat?

Nothing. Calenders are inanimate objects that are used to keep
track of the date and important events.

What's The Difference Between a Redditor and a Calender?

A Redditor is a living breathing human being, and a Calender is an inanimate object.