Horny

Jokes

Greek mythology summed up in five words

Unfortunately, Zeus was feeling horny

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I was feeling horny and needed some relief.

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I asked my fat wife for sex and she said "No."

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You have no idea what a relief that was.

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What is a horny astronaut's favorite drink?

poon Tang

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A guy walks in to a brothel and puts $1000 down on the table. He then says to the madame "I want your ugliest girl and macaroni and cheese."

The madame replies "for that kind of money, you can have one of our finest girls and a three course gourmet meal." The guy replies "Sorry honey, I'm not horny, just home sick."

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A Toad Walks Into A Bar.....

Three women shout with excitement, run over to him, shower him with kisses and leave. "What was that all about?" a man asked the bartender. The bartender replied, "He's a little Horny."

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They say never to go grocery shopping when youre hungry.

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What is the difference between being hungry and horny?

is where you put in the meat

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They say alcohol makes you horny.

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Bulls are nothing special

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Im here to fuck your daughter

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A man comes into a hotelbar....

...and says:
"Oh god, i am so horny. Are there any hookers here?"
"No" answers the host, "there is only John. And it costs 80 bucks"
"80$? And there is only John? Well, i am so horny, I don't mind giving John 80$ for it"
"No, sir. 40$ will go to the mayor. It is his town and he doesn't like that stuff"


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Why are uncircumcised guys always horny?

Because the boys in the hood are always hard.

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Showers are so horny.

They get turned on by every naked person they see.

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Little Johnny

A teacher drew a deer on the board and asked the children to name it.

One child raised his hand and said it's a horse. Another one said its a rat.

So the teacher decided to give them a clue: "It's what your mom sometimes calls your dad."

"I've got it." said little Johnny, "It's a horny bastard!"


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What becomes of a horse when it gets real horny?

A fuckin unicorn.

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What does a horny toad say?

Rubbit, rubbit.

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Listen darlin', I'm not horny

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500$ Grilled Cheese Sandwich

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A farmer went to the market to buy a rooster to mate with his hens

Another farmer sold him one and warned him how horny the rooster was.

The farmer took the rooster home and as soon as he put it into the pen, it has sex with every chicken. 10 minutes later it then had sex with every chicken again. Out of fear for the health of his chickens, he put it in a separate pen where it left grain on the floor to attract pigeons so that he could have sex with


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Found this on AskReddit

A farmer went to the market to buy a rooster to mate with his hens. Another farmer sold him one and warned him how horny the rooster was.

The farmer took the rooster home and as soon as he put it into the pen, it has sex with every chicken. 10 minutes later it then had sex with every chicken again. Out of fear for the health of his chickens, he put it in a separate pen where it left g


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I'm on psych meds, I had a beer and now I'm feeling very...

...horny.

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I was talking with a few friends in the pub.

"Hey," said one of them, turning to me, "did you know that Dave here has been seeing your wife behind your back?"


"No, I didn't," I replied.


"Well I have," he admitted.


"That might explain her sex drive..." I pondered.


"Oh yeah?" he grinned. "


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What does the Hulk say when he's horny?

Lets Smash

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(dirty Gamer joke) How do you make Link horny?

Replace the L with a K.

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What does a horny frog say

Rubbit

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What lies cant horny men get enough of?

The ol’ wives tail.

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Whats the difference between horny and hungry?

Where the eggplant goes

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Why

Recently I got a virus protection software and there are now local horny women near me why

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What makes a mathematician horny?

Calculust

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Where do horny fish go for pleasure?

The Oral Reef.

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Who needs to use a dating app?

Just logged in to PornHub and found many horny girls in my area who just want to fuck

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A sadist and a masochist meet for some kinky time

They go to the sadist's room, full of whips, clips, bondage stuff etc. The sadist slowly goes from one device to the next, eyeing the masochist.

The masochist can't take it anymore and blurts out "Oh yes master, whip me, spank me, hurt me!"

And the sadist, with an evil, horny grin, answers:

"No !"


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Why did the horny man give his SO an altoid?

He was introducing a predicament

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A truck driver, who's been on the road for two months, walks into a brothel

He slams a thousand dollar note on the receptionist's table and says "Give a cheese sandwich and one of your ugliest women"

The receptionist, quite taken aback, says "Why sir, for that money I could give you a seven course meal and two of our best women"

The truck driver says "Look lady, I ain't horny. I'm just homesick"


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What does a horny mathematician with a lisp do to have fun?

**Math debates**

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A man goes away from his wife on business...

A man goes away from his wife for work. He has to be gone for 5 days. By the second day the man is super horny so he decides to find a hooker. On this one corner close by he sees this beautiful blonde. Nice ass huge boobs, just the perfect blonde.

He walks up to her and says hey babe how much? She says that depends on what you want. He says ok what do you recommend and she says, I gi


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So there was this horny chicken who loved to fuck!

His owner was so sick of him, he finally sold him to a poultry farm
Within a day of arriving he fucked each and every hen available there..
The new owner was shocked by the sight of it.
Next day he found the horny chicken has fucked each and every pig available at the farm!
Horrified by the sight of this the new owner shouted at the horny chicken : " You sick bastard!!


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NSFW Whats the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you put the cucumber.

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What does Solid Snake sing when he gets drunk and horny during 80s Karaoke Night?

“...Cum on Mei Ling~”

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Why did the horny duck go to the baseball game?

She was trying to catch some fowl balls.

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What do you call a horny vegan?

A contradiction!!!

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My earth joke

Did you know that volcano eruptions are just earth ejaculating. Probably to that sexy af celestial body Luna. Horny bastard.

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When I was lost in the woods

A couple of years ago, I was walking through the woods when I became lost. I had no compass, no map and wandered for hours, then days trying to find my way back. As I made my way through the muck and mud, I became hungry, more hungry than I had ever been, and found a few berries to satiate me for a little while. I became thirsty and it rained, quenching my thirst for the time being. The rain made


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What is a horny stoner's favorite chip?

A baked lay :D

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Whats the difference between being hungry and horny?

Where you put the cucumber

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A saxophone player, a horny old man and a Southerner walk into a bar.

The bartender says,"Hey Mr. Clinton! What can I get you?”

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I think my joke might be a generation too late but here goes nothing...

"I like getting it on with Chinese chicks but a half hour later you're horny again."

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What if Bruce Willis had a heart attack while being horny?

Then if the doctors can save him, he'll be fine.
Otherwise, he'd 'Die Hard'

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What do you get when you cross a hornet with a human?

A horny Middle Aged man with a 2 inch stinger

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3 people are in a asylum.

3 people are in a asylum. 2 are men and 1 is a woman. They have lots of food and water and could last years.

One day the 3 people got really bored. The woman was horny so they all decided to have sex. The 3 people had sex for about a week, but on the last week the woman died.

The last two men were still horny so the kept having sex. They had sex for one more week and on


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