Highly

Jokes

Paul Reveres Chicken (OC)

Paul Revere has a chicken named Gallo. When the American Revolution was well underway, he spent several nights training the chicken secretly in his barn. When he finally felt Gallo was ready, he brought it with him to the Sons of Liberty. At first, they laughed.

“Well, now, laugh if you want, but this here is a *highly trained* chicken, and Gallo here will help us win the war!&r


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In Feudal Japan, there was a system that determined who sat in the highly favored front position of carts.

You had to call Shogun.

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You are on a horse galloping at a constant speed...

On your right is a sharp drop off and on your left is an elephant travelling at the same speed as you. In front of you is another horse but you're unable to overtake it.

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the other horse in front of you.

What must you do to escape this highly dangerous situation?

Get your drunk self self off the m


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What's the difference between an eel and a lawyer?

One's an ugly, slimy, scaly, cold-blooded scum-sucking bottom-feeder, and the other is a highly qualified professional person who is worth every penny of the surprisingly high hourly fee they charge.

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NSFW Re-imagining a bitchy personals on tinder and grindr since M87 SgrA

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You're on a horse galloping at a constant speed...

On your right is a sharp drop off and on your left is an elephant travelling at the same speed as you. In front of you is another horse but you're unable to overtake it.

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the other horse in front of you.

What must you do to escape this highly dangerous situation?

Get your drunk self self off the m


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The secret to success in the corporate world

A young professional parks his battered old car outside his office one morning. Stepping out, he sees the CEO sweeping into the car park in his brand new, sparkling, top of the range Mercedes S Class.

Starstruck, and knowing this company has an ethos of openness which means everyone is approachable, the young man decides to engage the CEO in conversation.

"That'


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Angela Merkel's new policies are highly uncertain...

...She always seems to be on shaky ground.

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Why are the waiters at cannibal restaurants so highly respected?

Because they serve humanity.

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DidYouKnow George Michael was once a highly regarded 'wonderkid' in Barcelonas football academy

Unfortunately he had to retire after tearing his Whamstring.

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What profession was once highly respected but now is a complete joke?

An FBI agent.

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If your girlfriend starts smoking...

...I would highly advise slowing down and using some lube

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What is a pig?

A pig is any of the animals in the genus Sus, within the even-toed ungulate family Suidae. Pigs include the domestic pig and its ancestor, the common Eurasian wild boar (Sus scrofa), along with other species. Related creatures outside the genus include the peccary, the babirusa, and the warthog. Pigs, like all suids, are native to the Eurasian and African continents. Juvenile pigs are known as pig


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Last words of a highly poisonous snake?

Drat, I bit myself on the tongue!

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A co-worker complained that he'd had two stepladders...

...but his assistants had lost them both. I said it was clear that they weren't ready to work in highly-placed positions.

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I am like the Bruce lee of sex. No I am not amazingly handsome and highly skilled and charismatic,

but I will knock the wind out of your body with my 1 inch punch.

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I find all the answers shown on Jeopardy! ...

to be highly questionable.

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Sometimes I like to sit back, relax, and smoke a little weed while reading a good book.

Speaking of which, I highly recommend this novel!

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Ive never tried inhaling helium before

But people speak very highly of it

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I almost never watch movies my stoner friends tell me to watch

Even though they come highly recommended.

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My weed dealer is one of the best

He came highly recommended.

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Fleming's Left Hand Rule is highly attractive

It has currently forced my hand.

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A highly suspicious couple are trying to have a baby

When the woman finally falls pregnant, they visit the doctor for some check ups. While there, the man asks the doctor how he can be sure that he’s the father.
“We can do a DNA test.” The doctor replies.

“And how do I know I’m the mother?” The pregnant woman asks.

“We can do an IQ test for that.”


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Im pretty sure the doctor I go to serves highly educated people...

But I’m afraid to test his patients.

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If Medusa had big boobs, shed be highly ineffective towards men.

But then men quickly become hard when they look at her.

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I am highly upset by all of the comments and jokes on Reddit about incest in the American south!

Because I am an Alabama living only-child and my cousins are all ugly!

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A New Metal has been added to Chemistry

Name: Woman
Symbol: Wm
Atomic mass: Light when first found... tends to get heavier with time.


**PHYSICAL PROPERTIES**

- Boils at any time
- Can freeze at any time
- Melts if treated with love
- Very Bitter if Mishandled


**CHEMICAL PROPERTIES**

- Very Reactive
- Highly Unstable


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Haven't had a bowel movement in a week so i took some constipation pills. i'm highly disappointed.

They didn't do shit!

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Yo mamma is so......

Nice, I highly value the talks we’ve had.

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Did you know there's a way to go 7 days without sleeping and not feel tired?

Sleep at night.

It's a great trick I highly recommend it.

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I'm highly skeptical over the existence of "alcohol-free beer"...

There's literally zero proof.

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OC In Japan, Hello Kitty is a highly respected character

That's why they call it "Herro Kitty"

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What is an adult with half the weight of yo mama?

Highly overweight

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I highly oppose gender neutral bathrooms

See I wouldn't be able to live with myself, if I find out the lady next to me has a bigger penis.

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What do you call a stoner who takes Adderall? (OC)

Highly Productive

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After sticking a bunch of lipstick up my butt, I realized one thing.

Makeup sex is highly overrated.

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I definitely smoke weed too much

but i function very highly on it...........

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I ate a dead baby last night.

If you haven't tried lamb, I highly recommend it.

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When is the only time you dont see to many women in the kitchen

When the chiefs are highly paid professionals

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What do you call someone who thinks very highly of their own balls?

Egotesticle

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I, for one, found No Nut November to be quite a breeze

But then again, I am highly allergic

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Smash characters think so highly of themselves...

That they die whenever the camera isn’t on them!

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An old man is walking in Amsterdam and passes a hooker standing at her door. She says to him: "Hey Granddad, why don't we give it a try?"

He says: "No thank you. That is no longer possible for me."

It was a slow night, so the hooker says: "Oh, come on, what have we got to lose; let's give it a try."

So, they both go inside and he acts like the young man he used to be.

"Oh my goodness," says the hooker breathlessly afterward, "I thought you said sex was n


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The number of sentient lifeforms in the universe is at least 7.5 billion.

The amount of intelligent life, however, is highly disputed, and some people argue that none have been found.

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What does nutting in November and fucking your sistersibling have in common?

They are both regarded as highly unethical activities, but they are great when you try them.

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Staying strapped probably has completely different implications

When you’re a gangster rapper vs. being highly into BDSM...

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Canada highly underestimated how high it's population could get.

Physically or figuratively? I can't remember.

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Apparently many people get all of their artistic inspiration from pot.

I wouldn’t follow in their footsteps. They seem highly sketchy.

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I like my women like I like my tennis racquets

Flat, highly strung, and I've got a pile of extras in case I smash one.

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Today Donald trump Called Stormy Daniels a horse face and I find that highly offensive...

To horses everywhere who now have to deal with the stigma of now being compared to stormy daniels.

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