My friend asked me whats a nice way to tell someone that they're getting fat.
Ask if they are getting ready to hibernate for the winter.
It's spring, and the cub comes out of his cave. His knees are wobbling, he's a wreck. He's skin and bones, with big circles under his eyes. His mother says, "Junior! Did you hibernate all winter like you were supposed to?" "Hibernate? Shit, Ma, I thought you said 'masturbate'