Heat

Jokes

A man was walking across a desert with his camel

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Proof that reality is a simulation...

The developers accidentally gave Totinos a randomized heat resistance stat.

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Water and heat walk into a bar...

It was steamy..

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A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No, because the dog is in heat." "What does that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."


The little girl went to the garage and asked "Dad, may I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Susie was in heat, and to come talk to you."
Dad said, " Bring Susie over here" He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear-end with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Susie on the leash and only


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Really cute puppy is lost in desert, it is really weak and it looks like it is about to die from dehydratation...

... and then suddenly it dies because of a heat stroke.

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Two Eskimos in a kayak...

are in a big lake, paddling along into the night, so they get cold and start a fire on the kayak, which causes a hole and the boat sinks...which proves you can't have your kayak and heat it too!

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My girlfriend gave me a handjob in the sauna.

I got a heat stroke.

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Two Guy's sitting in a kayak

Two Guy's sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

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A plane crashes going over the Rocky Mountains and only two guys survive.

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TIL that heat makes things expand...


Your mom is REALLY hot!!

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Why do they only kill chickens in heat?

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Why do they only kill chickens when they are in heat?

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Saw a woman frantically eating ice cubes earlier.

Absolutely perplexed, I asked her what on earth she was doing. She said she was worried about her baby due to the heat, so was eating ice cubes to cool the baby down.

Luckily she calmed down when i explained the baby will be at womb temprature.

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They say in the cold you lose 90 of your heat from your head.

So I decided to walk around naked with a hat on.

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Women can withstand extreme heat

Never said alive.

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I keep hearing people say these SoCal earthquakes are being caused by the heat or as punishment for how we have been acting. I think they are wrong.

It is actually the San Andreas's fault.

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I keep hearing people say these SoCal earthquakes are being caused by the heat or as punishment for how we have been acting. I think they are wrong and it is actually San Andreas's fault.

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There is a band that only plays songs by Little Feat amp Canned Heat.

[deleted]

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How fortunately that is not snowing in the summer

Who would have wanted to clean snow in such a heat?

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Scientists have come up with a foolproof methodology of predicting when someone lies

There are 2 different approaches for each sexes.

For Males
OBSERVATIONS
1) the eyes deviate slightly to the left indicating the Male is accessing the creative part of the brain
2) heartrate elevates in an attempt to support the strain of the creative effort
3) pupils constrict slightly instinctively in preparation for flight/fight response
4) sweatpore


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What do you call masturbating in the summer?

A heat stroke.

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This scotsman was so mean ...

he used to heat the knives so the family would use less butter.

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Here's a simple one

What do you call an hitmen who kills only in summer? A heat-man!

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Why are zere so mny Avenuez in Frankreich?

Because ze German Soldier doesn't like marching in the heat of ze sun

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Hey, wanna heat a joke about 911?

“Uh... sure.”
“Never mind, it’d go into your head”
“Don’t you mean ‘over your head’?”
“No.”

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Little Johnny did not go to school one day....

The next day when the teacher asked him why, he said, "Our cow was on heat, so I had to take her to the bull."


"Oh I see," said the teacher, "but I'm sure your father could have done that."


"No ma'am, he couldn't have," said Johnny, "it has to be the bull"


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My wife has been in a coma for over twelve years. I use her vaginal yeast to make bread.

Add a little heat, and you’ve got comatoast.

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What's the difference between a dog in heat and a person who dislikes low-hanging clouds?

In one case someone is ducking fogs...

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A zookeeper was having bother with one of his gorrilas....

A zookeeper was having bother with one of his gorrilas as it was in heat and needed to have sex to calm down. There is no male gorrilas currently fit to do the job.

The zookeeper calls up his friend him on the phone and says "Here Jim I've got a real problem one of my gorrilas is in heat would you shag it for me?"

Jim replies: "Aah, I dunno what if my


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My friend told me this...

He said: Guess what?

I said: What

He replies: You know how heat expands things

I reply: Yeah

He then says: I'm not fat, I'm hot

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Just a little chimney joke to heat up your day

What does the elder chimney say to the younger chimney?

You're too young to smoke!

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How is a frying pan similar to a vagina?

You gotta heat things up first before you slap the meat to it.

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Today I learned that heat makes things expand

Your mom is REALLY hot

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Me my gf are in the heat of the moment, I say to her...

Baby, I'm going to stuff your canoli with parmesan cheese...

Her: yes baby _huge moan_ from where? Tell me from where.

Me: _whispers to her ear_ fRoM tHe fRidGe

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During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, NASA quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of $1 million. The pen worked in zero gravity, upside

The Soviets when facing the same problem used a pencil.

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What song does Rammstein play when in the heat?

Du

Du hots

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A man sits alone at nightclub bar waiting for... prospects.

After a little while, a woman reluctantly walks up and comments on how attractive he is. He reciprocates.

A chemistry clearly forming, they begin to drink. Glass after glass, shot after shot, they finally are drunk enough for the woman to suggest they go back to her place. She leads him through the nightclub, the man breathing in a noticeably terrible smell as he heads to her car.


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A Texan goes to hell

The devil greets him and before showing him around, he says to the Texan "I can grant you one wish before you must be mine forever in this hell." The devil shows him the pits of lava boiling over onto the pathways and the fires heating the world of hell to an intolerable level.


Finally, the devil asks the Texan what wish he would have granted.

The


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Most people are blaming FIFA for awarding Qatar the 2022 World Cup because of the Extreme Heat.

Well I am not worried about it because of the fans.

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Theres a new computer that begins swearing whenever it gets too hot

They had to install a heat censor

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True.. true..

What is the most heat resistant thing in the world?

My ex-girlfriends appearance

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What is the most heat resistant thing in the world?

Tantalum carbide
Hafnium carbide


Grandmoms
Niki Lauda
Every italian
Turkish Guys in a kebap shop in Summer

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Why don't Antifa like the desert?

The heat is oppressive.

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If a recipe calls for you to turn off the heat and begin mincing your herbs to add to the dish, that step would be called:

Stop. Hammer thyme.

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It is a proven Scientific fact, that things expand when under immense heat...

I'm not fat, I'm really hot

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What do you call a painting of a heat insulating container on a dudes arm?

A Thermostat

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How do vegans heat their homes as natural gas is from dino's?

From the power of the bullshit they produce when they force themselves to tell everyone that they are vegan every five seconds!

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Discussing my new-found kink has been rough

It turns out the only thing I am sexually attracted to is final scene from the movie Heat. I've tried to talk to my friends about it

But nobody wants to hear how I came to that conclusion.

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How did the Tesla heat up it's batteries?

Global Warming!

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Air is quite a poor conductor of heat...

But nothing is a really poor conductor of heat.

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