What is green and hairy and goes up and down?
A gooseberry in a lift.
How come Hermione didnt want to hook up with Ron?
Because he was drunk off Polyjuice potion and it was hairy.
What do you get when you cross an ape with a calculator?
A Hairy Reasoner. (Andy Rooney used to enjoy this one)
The Farmer's New Addition
There once was a farmer who owned luscious pastures. He proudly looked over them everyday. He always took care of all of his animals.
Though one day he had brought in a new foal, a chestnut coloured one, that he thought was adorable.
He got him on the farm but the foal looked nervous so he stroked his fur and though it felt as soft as he'd ever imagined it felt unus
How do you deal with a hairy back?
I usually just pretend she's wearing a wool sweater and close my eyes
Yo mamma so old and hairy
When she wears a tank top it looks like she has Don King in a headlock
What do you call a hairy lumberjack that's been mauled by a bear
A bear`ed man
Whats hairy amp sticks out your pyjamas
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony.
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by and the man immediately gets an erection.
The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?"
The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"
She says, "You
Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is fat, ugly, hairy, and has big tusks and the other is a walrus.
A Catholic priest once met with a Shaykh and asked him: "Why are your men required to have beards?"
The Shaykh smiled and took out two kiwis from his pocket (he likes to carry kiwis around with him). He peeled the hairy skin from one of them, and left the hairy skin on the other.
He then threw both of the kiwis on the ground and asked the priest: "Which one are you willing to eat?" The priest said "Of course the one with the hairy skin still on it!"
What starts with a 'C' and ends with a 'T', is hairy and oval on the outside and creamy on the inside?
Rapunzel is not a fairy tale
It's a hairy tale.
Your mama so hairy...
the only language she speaks is wookiee!
If you masturbate to a nude female celebrity that's actually wearing a fake hairy vagina cover...
You've been jerkin your gerkin to a Merkin.
My friend has very hairy ears.
Its as if hes wearing earwigs.
I finally found a place where I can date feminists without hairy armpits.
The local cancer clinic.
What's the difference between Wokies and Wookies ?
One is a smelly hairy animal who always comes with his hand, solo.
My ex-girlfriend was an anti-waxxer
I broke up with her because I don't like hairy pies
What is hard and has a hole and goes into another hairy hole?
A Vicks Inhaler
Why is the vagina sometimes called the 'HAIRY CLAM"?
Because it smells like rotting seafood if you don't wash it!
What do you call a Yeti Gardener?
A hairy Potter.
Kid comes back from school crying
Kid: mom, the mean kids at school called me hairy. What do i do?
Mom: MARIO, THE DOG IS TALKING AGAIN!!
I did the ting
I’m long, hard, hairy and I enter a wet cavity in a repetitive horizontal movement. What am I? A toothbrush you fucking pervert.
What do you call a bearded man who makes vases?
A Hairy Potter
Boris Johnson repeatedly tries to crack an egg in the side of a frying pan
“Marina, I thought I told you not to buy those big hairy eggs anymore!”
Which word begins with C ends with T, is hairy on the outside and moist on the inside?
I feel sorry for my dad. He doesn't have a hairy chest.
Which means I got it from my mom.
I just spent a hours waxing my car
I’m still not quite sure how it gets so hairy.
What do you call a snake pit in an Egyptian barber shop?
A hairy asp hole.
Yo mama's so hairy
when she walks her dog she gets pet first
Yo mama's pussy so hairy...
It looks like she got Kaepernick in a scissor hold
Yo mama's armpits are so hairy...
It looks like she got Buckwheat in a headlock!
A little boy is in the bath with his mum and asks her what the hairy thing he found in the water is?
*”Oh, that’s just mummy’s sponge”* she replies
*”Ah thought so”* says the little boy *”The baby sitter has got one of those, I’ve seen her washing daddy’s face with it!”*
You guys see that new hairy guy who started last week?? Moving slow, bad temper, and you can't understand a word he's saying..
C'mon guys, take it easy on him.. He'll get it soon enough, he's still just a Wookie..
What do you call a big hairy gay man thats really into fitness?
A Yogi Bear
I went to a new restaurant that I'd seen. It was called "Tentacles With Everything".
So I went in and asked for a table for one, and the waiter came over after a while and said "Would sir prefer squid or octopus?" and I said "What?" and he said "Perhaps sir is new here... we specialize in squid and octopus, nothing else. Is this perhaps a new culinary experience for sir?"
Now I've eaten both *polpo* and *calamari* in posher joints
Whats hard and hairy on the outside, and soft and wet on the inside?
Clue: It starts with a ‘C’ and ends with a ‘T’
The deaf person.
One day a partaily deaf guy asks his neighbor what he should call his house that has a cherry blossom in the front yard. She says it should be called "heavenly blossom". The guy being deaf thinks she said "hairy bottom" so the guy names it so. The next day he gets a dog. He asks the neighbor what he should call the dog. She says "Billy" the guy hears "Willy"
One day a slightly deaf man buys a house with a large cherry blossom in the front garden
He goes up to his neighbour and asks what he should call his house
“Call it heavenly blossom”
The slightly deaf man misunderstands the lady and thinks she said ‘hairy bottom’
Later that day the man is feeling lonely in his new house so he decides to go out and buy a dog. When he returns home he goes to his neighbour again, t
I didn't get the job I was hoping for...
They gave it to a little hairy Australian dude. I guess he was more koalafied.
Yo mama so hairy
She got Afros for nipples
Yo mama so hairy
She got Afros for nipples
After you die, the newspaper says oh bitch you hairy
What do you call a golfing ape
What do call a large hairy gay man with no teeth?
What is black and hairy and runs around the back yard screaming?
A baby covered in Tarantulas
I was held hostage at a barber shop once.
It was a hairy situation.
So, Gina has just got married....
So, Gina has just got married, and like a traditional Italian, she was a virgin. Ok her wedding night, at her mothers house, she was nervous! As she spoke to her mother, she reassured Gina:
“Don’t worry, Tony is a good man. He will take care of you.”
So up she went, and when she got there, he took off his shirt, exposing his hairy chest. Gina quickly ran to her moth
How do you insult a Russian?
Yo motherland so hairy, she put the bush in babushka.