Gross

Jokes

A vegan said to me: People who sell meat are gross.

I replied: People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

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My friend told me that my giant collection of slugs was gross.

"Not really," I replied. "There's only 143".

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I accidentally sucked a dick at a glory hole! GROSS!

I guess it's just the name of the game though. You never know if it's a guy or girl on the other side of that wall.

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A blond and her two friends, a redhead and a brunette, were talking about the people around them.

"Eww" the redhead said to brunette. "You see that guy over there, he's picking his nose. It's so gross to pick your nose."

"Why?" the blond asked, "I would quite like to pick out a different nose for myself."

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NSFW: Why do priests stare at the ceiling while peeing?

Because the fecal matter of young boys is gross to look at.

Ha! Didn't see that punchline coming?

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My roommate came out of the closet today

And it was pretty gross to watch so I’m moving out

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My girlfriend is in a chest, covered in shit

Gross.

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Germany is so gross

They have so many germs.

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My girl friend smells gross

So I finally bought a shovel and burried her.

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Whats the difference between cum and mouthwash?

Nobody swallows mouthwash. That’s gross.

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A great knock knock joke for kids.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

I eat mop.

I eat mop who?

You eat what? Gross!!

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A great knock knock joke for kids.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

I eat mop.

I eat mop who?

You eat what? Gross!!

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I couldnt stay with my girlfriend after I found out she had 144 sexual partner in her lifetime.

It was a gross amount.

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Larry the Cable Guy: "Did you ever see your parents having sex?

Well I did, and it was gross! I'm never going to that website again!"

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I asked my german girlfriend what she thought of my dick.

She said it was gross.

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Nothing is sexier than passing your genes into your lover

Except if you’re ugly as fuck or dumb, then that’s just gross.

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My wife said "You are gross inside."

Me: So that's what you were doing back there

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Dirty diaper

me: [throws away a dirty diaper]

wife: OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

me: it's gross i'm not touching that

wife: GET THE BABY OUT OF THE TRASH AND CHANGE IT!

me: ugh fine

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I ate 144 eggs.

I know, that’s a gross amount.

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My girlfriend asked me once if Ive ever peed in the shower. I said For sure, hasnt everyone? She replied No wtf, thats gross. Whats wrong with you?

I replied “Well, these things tend to happen when you’re taking a shit...”

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The same word describes my boobs in 2 languages,

Gross

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True fact, this week i weighed in at 188 pounds for the first time in forty years. I once maxed out at 288...

But that was too gross.

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How to cure strong genital odors:

Ew, you're gross!

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I went to a numerologist, she was crazy,31 Gross

In hexadecimal the witch was just crazy AF

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The daughter walks up to her dad and asks to borrow his car. (NSFW)

Girl: “Hey dad. Can I borrow your car?”
Dad: “You can borrow it if you dropped to your knees and suck my dick.”
Girl: “Ew! You’re my father, I’m not gonna suck your dick!”

Few minutes go by and she considers her dad’s request as she really needs to borrow the car.

Girl: “Fine dad, I’ll suck you


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This joke is gross

144

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What do you call a disgusting guess?

A gross estimate

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Last night in Jail they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be gross but they were actually pretty good.

Turns out that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected.

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What do you call a child born from incest

Gross domestic product

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(Gross) Three vampires go to a cafe

The waiter comes and asks them what would they want to drink. First one: The usual - a cup of blood.
Second one: For me a cup of blood as well.
Third one: For me a bottle of water.
The first and the second one, surprised, ask the third why not blood.

The third: I'll drink a tea. *Brings out a used tampon. *


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A father walks in on her daughter pleasuring herself with a cucumber.

"Gross" he says, "I was gonna eat it. Now it will taste like cucumber."

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What's the definition of gross? Opening the fridge and the rump roast farts.

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Been arrested for the 144th time.

Charged with gross misconduct.

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Is it really gross to taste a BREASTMILK?


Answer is source dependent.

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A woman is checking out at the grocery

The clerk sees the sushi she is buying. “Stuffs pretty gross,” he says. “Yeah, but my daughter likes it,” she replies. “ That’s gross, he says, “ but I’m grocer.”

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Two definitions of gross:

When you’re kissing your grandma and she gives you the tongue.

When you bite into your hotdog and it has veins.

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Do u ever think u ...........................came out of ur mom AND ur dad???

Plz don't gross me

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People say I'm gross for not showering every day

Why am I the gross one? I'm not the one that needs to shower every day!

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On a night out I saw someone had vomitted in the street in the shape of the the number 144

I thought, "eww, gross"

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On a night out I saw someone had vomitted in the street in the shape of the the number 20

I thought "eww, gross"

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Best joke

A vegan said to me :”people who sell meat are gross.” I replied:” But people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.”

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Vegans believe meat eaters and butchers are gross.

But those who sell you fruits and vegetables are grocer.

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A vegan said to me: people who sell meat are gross

I replied: “people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer”

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A vegetarian told me

People who sell meat are gross. I replied people who sell vegetable and fruits are grocer

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What do you call a child born out of incest?

Gross Domestic Product.

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People who sell dead animals for food are gross

But people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

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A vegan said to me, "People who sell meat are gross!"

I said, "People who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."

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((12 144 20 3sqrt(4))7) 511 92 0

A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus 3 times the square root of 4
All over 7
Plus 5 times 11
Is 9 squared and not a bit more.

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NSFW Whats this world coming to when a guy gets fired for saying "ho ho ho" at the office while giving presents?

Apparently a dick in a box is "gross misconduct."

Thanks alot, Weinstein.

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Men Vs Women

As your walking you might see guys spit on the sidewalk. But woman almost never do.

That's cause when guys are kids, at the kitchen table we're told to try new foods but if we really can't stand it. Spit it into a napkin. Dispose of it after the meal.

So we don't see that it's gross to spit.. When females have something unpleasant in their mouths


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