Grain

Jokes

What's a single grain of rice in a bucket called?

Ethiopian kid been throwing up all night.

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Once there is a Family Mom, Snow Flake, Grain of sand and Cinder block

Snow Flake asks her mom "Mom why did you call me Snow Flake?"
And her mom replies " Because when you were born a snow flake fell on your forehead."
Then Grain of sand asks "Mom why did you call me Grain of sand?"
And then mom replies " Because when you were born a grain of sand fell on your forehead.
Then cinderblock asks " Aughh Augg


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Gamers in 2018: Lets get this bread...

2019: lets get this whole grain cooked dough

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3 men snuck onto a farm in the middle of the night

to stir up some trouble.

A black guy, a spanish guy and a polish guy.

They throw some rocks and break some windows, they tip a cow or two and just generally run amuck.

The farmer hears all the ruckus and comes running out with his shotgun.

"who goes there!? Get off my farm or I'll shoot ya!" he sneaks around looking for the men.


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I told the corn he wasn't fat, just a little husky.

He didn't know how to take the compliment tho I guess it went against the grain.

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What do you call a grain dispenser?

Farro Faucet

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I would make a bread joke but...

Would would I *GRAIN* from it?

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Did you hear about the guy who got a headache after stealing wheat from my farm?

He got my grain

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Building grain processing facilities is a lucrative business

I’m hoping to make a mill by the end of the year.

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Stalin is speaking with his secretary of agriculture.

Stalin is having a meeting to discuss the production of grain in Ukraine. He asks comrade how much grain have you produced. The secretary responds “comrade, we have a pile of grain high enough to reach god”. “But there is no god” said Stalin. “ There is no grain.

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What do you call a whole grain thats zero calories but is rarely used?

Weird flax but 0k

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A man walks into the doctor's office and says 'Doctor, I have this terrible fear that I'm going to be eaten by a chicken.'

I feel like a grain of corn trapped in a man's body.'

The doctor says 'Don't worry, we can help you.'

Months go by and after many therapies the doctor says 'We've done everything we could to help you and now I can safely say that you don't feel like a grain anymore.'

The man says '*I* know that, doctor, but


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What do gay horses eat?

Oh, grass and grain, I guess. I mean, they're horses.

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What do gay horses eat?

Oh, grass and grain, I guess. I mean, they're horses.

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My doctor says I should cut back on sodium

...but I dunno, I take everything she says with a grain of salt.

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A friend told me he started selling artisan home-distilled fermented grain mash on etsy...

I replied, "Sounds like a whiskey buisness."

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Two blondes went out deer hunting...

...and they managed to shoot a deer. They started dragging the deer by the hind legs to get it back to their pick up truck.

An experienced hunter saw them and said, "No, girls, you're doing it wrong. You're dragging against the grain of the deer's hair. If you drag by the antlers, you'll be pulling with the grain of the hair, and it will be much easier.&q


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Two blondes went out deer hunting...

...and they managed to shoot a deer. They started dragging the deer by the hind legs to get it back to their pick up truck.

An experienced hunter saw them and said, "No, girls, you're doing it wrong. You're dragging against the grain of the deer's hair. If you drag by the antlers, you'll be pulling with the grain of the hair, and it will be much easier.&q


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My law firm specializes in grain futures contracts.

Barley Legal

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I put a grain of salt in a battery

I was charged with a salt in battery

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I always take life with a grain of salt.

Plus, a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.

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70 of dishes are under-seasoned, according to a recent survey by the seasoning manufacturers' association. Obviously, this is biased.

Take it with a grain of salt.

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A man exclaims, "I would die to fulfill my quest.. to create the perfect grain blend. I would make..

..the ultimate sack of rice."

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I was thinking of making puns about grain...

But most people can *barley* stand it.

​

Yes, I know. That was pretty *corny*. You're probably thinking, "*Rye* did you do this?" I'm probably going too *farro* with this. I'm sorry

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In Hollywood, all facts are supposed to be taken with a grain of...

Coke

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What is worse than a pebble in your shoe?

A grain of sand in the condom.

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An aging hotel inspector was performing his final inspection on a luxury hotel before his retirement.

He had arrived at the joint the day before, and had already slept in a room to analyze how clean and comfortable they were. When he had woken up, he went into the bathroom to check its functionality and cleanliness, and continued on to the main dining hall after.

Upon arrival, he saw they were serving breakfast. He decided he would try their signature dish to determine good quality,


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Why dont hipsters like bread?

Because they prefer to go against the grain.

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I always take life with a grain of salt

plus a slice of lemon...

...and a shot of tequila.

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A man believed that he was a grain of wheat.

As much as Eric’s family would try, they could not convince him that he was in fact a human man, and not a grain of wheat.

The worst was when Eric even sensed a bird was around. Because he thought he was a grain of wheat, he would completely panic and run as far as he could. He figured that birds ate grains of wheat and he was therefore in mortal danger whenever a bird appeared!


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If at first you don't succeed...

Try a grain.

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I'm devastated that my son has chosen a career in finance rather than taking over the family wheat farm.

He's going against the grain.

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You know what they say about bad cooking...

You’ve gotta take it with a grain of salt

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Adult grain: what do you want to be when you grow up?

Young grain: BEER!

AG: Ok, but remember to keep your feet on the ground

*years later*

Loaf of bread: I had dreams you know...

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How did the Jewish man make grain into beer?

Hebrew

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My friend gets mad when I joke about his whiskey problem.

But don't hate the player, hate the grain.

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I heard that there's been a lot of bread being attacked lately.

But I'd take that with a grain assault.

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My doctor told me to cut down on my sodium intake.

Ive been taking his advice with a grain of salt.

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What happens when a Chinese person puts a grain of rice on his head?

He gets lice in his hair.

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Doctor told me to cut back on my sodium intake...

I'm taking his advice with a grain of salt.

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What do you call a grain knife?

barleysong

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A grain of wheat


After years of psychotherapy, John no longer believes
he is a grain of wheat. However, one day he and a
friend came across a chicken, and John was terrified.
"Why are you so afraid, you're not a grain
of wheat after all," his friend asked.
John replied, "You know it and I know it,
but the chicken doesn't know it."


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If u stand in the pouring grain....

Your gonna get all wheat!

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Two grain are walking in the desert..

[deleted]

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I hate cereal killers

they go against the grain

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My doctor said my blood sodium level is apparently too high

but I take everything with a grain of salt.

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People seem very hopeful about the news of water in Mars.

But I take it with a grain of salt.

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I take everything with a grain of salt these days

Now I have hypertension

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Why are League of Legends players the most skeptical people on Earth?

Because they take everything with a grain of salt.

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Something Got Into My Wife's Eye

- Last week a grain of sand got into my wife's eye, I had to bring her to the doctor. It cost me $ 20!
- Trifles! Last week, a fur coat got my wife's eyes. It cost me $ 3000 ...

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