Graduation

Jokes

Last saturday I went to a bar and heared how two americans were making fun of a korean because their school's curriculum is strongly influenced by politicians

He ended the conversation with atleast we survive until graduation

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My 10 year high school reunion was this weekend...

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Before graduation a month ago I was a broke college kid

Now I’m just a broke adult

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When I finished high school...

I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said “no”.

You see, my mom had a brother who died in a motorcycle crash when he was 18 so she said I could just have his motorcycle.

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I got hit by a car on my way to my graduation.

The worst part is, I had the right of passage

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Grandpa, Can I Have a Tricycle?

A very young James went to his grandfather and asked for a tricycle.

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Grandfather asked, "Jimmy, can your weewee reach all the way to your butthole?"

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"Well, no Grandpa, it can't", Jimmy replied sheepishly.

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Grandpa said to come back and talk when i


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My highschool teacher just became a grandfather

True story, a little background I had a teacher in highschool that I kept up with after graduation, he is also a little Aspergery.

So I just found out that he became a grandfather so I asked him What are you gonna have the kid call you ie grandad, grandpa, gramps etc... And in complete seriousness he responds with
"He's not gonna call me anything he can't talk&qu


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College Graduation Day

\[Principal asks me to come on stage and talk something\]

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Me (on stage) : Hey Guys, isn't it crazy that all our parents had sex in the same year ?

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Did you hear about the statistics major who ended up homeless when they couldn't find a job after graduation?

It was a real bad after-math.

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I can't say i was a problem student back in high school...

... But at my graduation the principal threw my diploma at me and said "Here! Now get the fuck out of here!!!"

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I was surprised when a friend said he'll work at KFC right after graduation..

Out of curiosity, I asked him why.

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All he said was, "It's in my bucket list."

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I dont like graduation ceremonies.













Too much circumstantial pomp.

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My girlfriend wasnt allowed to walk at her graduation

Guess colleges just hate people with wheelchairs

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Who does the black man invite for graduation?

Their Parole Officer

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The ice breaker I used for my graduation speech today

What do you call the speed of an herbal beverage at any given time?

A. Veloci-tea

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School Shooter Graduation Song

As we're mowed down



And dismembered




The shooter will




Just surrender




And as our lives end




Guns whatever




We will still be






Dead forever

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I will never forget my daughter's words to me at her graduation.

"Wow dad.. After 18 years you decide to come back..."

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I ordered a graduation cake for my son.

The baker asked me what I wanted it to say. Wow, talking cakes, who knew?

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While watching graduation, I like to think all my students have the same potential.

However, when shaking their hands afterwards, I really felt that wasn't true. It was quite shocking!

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I used to get into fights at the drop of a hat.

Which is probably why I got fired from my job as a graduation photographer.

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LinkedIn is the worst dating app

All people want to talk about is work and what I plan on doing after graduation

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An heartwarming letter my Dyslexic student wrote me before graduation.

[deleted]

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Why did the cyclops's graduation speech suck?

[deleted]

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My wife saw her ex high school boyfriend, drunk in the street. She said he started drinking when she broke up with him after graduation decades ago. I said....

....Impressive. .. I've never seen anyone celebrate that long before.

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When I graduated high school I wanted to buy a motorcycle..

When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had an uncle who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle. - Anthony Jeselnik

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My graduation Speech

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever the hell invented copy and paste. Thank you."

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I need help from you guys!

I've been given an assignment to write a special occasion speech for my college class. We had to pull a name of a classmate and an occasion from a hat. My topic is this girl named Alexis and it's during a graduation party. I wanted mine to be funny. I can make up whatever backstory I want. I can be the drunk uncle and make fun of her or whatever. I just need help on some jokes to add. I


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How do people finish graduating from a Journalist school? They have to answer one last question. That question is "how do you do an excellent article?"

And the graduate answers "well, I think you press ctrl-c."
"Yes, go on," says the teacher.
"Then you press ctrl-v," says the graduate.

Five minutes later it's the graduation ceremony.

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You guys! I'm so excited, I just hooked up with my crush from middle school.

...but now she keeps calling me expecting me to show up at her graduation.

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What do you call a juggalo at a college graduation?

Lost.

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Joke tellers, I need your help! Writing a salutatorian speech, and I want it to be kind of funny.

I'm not entirely humorous, but I do only have a limited amount of time to do this in. I need some jokes about graduation that will get the crowd laughing somewhat. Nothing too dirty, etc., but humor is necessary. Sorry if this isn't the right place for this, thank you!

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The Motorcycle

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen. And I could just have his motorcycle.

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I finally slept with my high school crush

Now he expects me to go to his graduation -- like I know where I'm going to be in three years.

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A man called Dick went up the stage on his graduation day, why did everybody laugh?

His full name was Dick Wiper.

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Was told to unfold my graduation gown to get rid of the square creases

replied that I'd rather graduate with more degrees.

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An Ol' Timer is passing on his wisdom to a Young'n...

and they get to talking about the generational gap in the fashion industry.

"Back in my day," says the old fogey, "we kept our shoes shined and our handkerchiefs squared."

"Well, we keep our shoes clean and don't let em crease!" retorts the lad.

"Hmnph. You kids all dress like you live on the streets. When was the last


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So I got this email at work today...

Subject: HS Graduation in Detroit

High School Graduation In Detroit:

A student played high school football in Detroit. He was a great running back, but a really poor student.

At graduation, he didn't have enough credits but he was a great football star and the students held a rally and demanded the principal
give him a diploma anyway. They were so


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When I finished high school, I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my Mom said no.

The reasoning behind her answer was that she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18; so she said I could just have his.

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What did Snoop Dogg say upon graduation as a EE major?

My circuit breaker be trippin and my joint wouldn't solder...

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So I wanted to take all my highschool graduation money and buy a motorcycle...

But my mom said no.
You see, she had a boyfriend who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18.
And i could just have his motorcycle.

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Graduation Trip

This past year, I graduated college, and decided to take a trip with a few buddies. We had some money left over from our college funds, and decided we would visit Europe. We had originally intended to go hiking in different European countries for a couple of weeks.

At my Graduation ceremony, my grandparents showed up, and upon learning that I was going to Europe, and going to HIKE, of


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