Goat

Jokes

What do you get when mixing human DNA and goat DNA?

Kicked out of the petting zoo.

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Johnny was a bitter man

"Look at all those trees" he said as he pointed towards a forest. "I planted all of those. Do they call me Johnny Tree-planter for that reason? No they don't"

Johnny turned around and pointed at a row of houses. "Look at all those houses." He said. "I built those. All of them. Do they call me Johnny House-builder for that reason? No they don


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Two newfies were walking in the woods and they saw a goat had his head stuck in the fence...

So the 1st newfie says "I got an idea" he walks up to the fence and F _ _ ks the goat in the ass .
Then he turns to the second newfie and says "your turn"
So the 2nd newfie walks up to the fence and sticks his head in it.

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I just told my husband that I had sex with a goat while on girls night out a month ago and I might be pregnant.

He said "Your kidding."

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What do goat veal, most of the jokes in new, and an anti-vaxxer's household have in common?

They're all full of dead kids.

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Why did the Billy goat cross the Road?

Eilish I knew!

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A journalist is given a task to interview a man that lives in the mountains and get a funny story out of him.

So the journalist arrives and asks the man a question - "Tell me a funny story that happened in these mountains." The man with a smile on his face says - "I remember this like it was yesterday. Once a neighbour's goat got lost. We got some other men, got booze and food. Went out looking. Took a break, ate, drank. Found the goat and fucked it. The journalist says - "I don&#


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How did the arab find the goat in the dessert?

Satisfying

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You know who really gets my goat?

The goatherd I employed.

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Two goats are married, living on a farm. Billy Goat says, "I really want children. Let's make some babies." Betty Goat responds, "Hell no. No baby goats for me..."

"I'm not kidding."

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A female sheep walks into a bar with a baby cow and a baby goat

Bartender says: Ewe Calf to be Kidding me!

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What sound does an Arabian goat make?

\#MeeeehToo

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What sound does an Arabian goat make?

\#MeeeehToo

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Why did the masturbating Muslim praise Allah?

He was hoping for a goat-send.

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Jimmy and Tommy are riding down the road....

When all of a sudden Jimmy yells at Tommy “Stop the truck! By god theres a goat with its head stuck in the fence!” So Tommy slams on the brakes and Jimmy hops out, runs over there, and starts fucking the goat. He is about to finish up when he yells over at Tommy “Hey! You want some of this action?” To which Tommy replies “Well hell yeah I do!” So Tommy hops out,


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What's the difference between Donald Trump and a goat?

Muslims don't fuck with Donald Trump.

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I don't get why people keep calling Muhammad a child molester.

Aisha was only his goat.

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What does a goat without lips say?

"eh, eh, eh"

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What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA

Kicked out of the petting zoo

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The big bad wolf had converted to Buddhism. There was peace in the forest. Suddenly. SCREAMS.

A bystander asked the running animals, "What's happened now?"

"The big bad wolf," a goat said, "is meditating."

"So?" said the bystander, "Isn't that a good thing...?"

"Noooo!" the goat bleated.

"It's become aware wolf!"


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Me: I have trained this goat to talk.

Karen: This would be fun to see.

Me[to goat]: Who do i love the most?

Goat: Mee

Me[to goat]: Who's my pet?

Goat: Mee

Karen: Ah, its boring

Me: Wait it gets better

Goat: It gets way better, Karen!

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An American walks into a flea market in Albania...

...and see's the finest goat they've ever seen.

They're not even hungry, but they ask the stall how much, anyway.

The stall replies, "Ms. Veseli is not for sale".

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G.O.A.T yoga really has to vary in difficulty

depending on the sport

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A skeleton, a dinosaur, and a goat walked into a bar, what did the bartender say?

Boneapple tea?

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What happens if you mox the dna of a human and the dna of a goat?

They'll kick you out of the zoo.

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A man goes to a farm to purchase the most pregnant looking goat

Long story short that kids is how I met your mother

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Two guys are walking through the woods one day when they stumble across a big deep hole.



The first guy peers into it and says, “Wow! That looks deep.”

The second guy says, “It sure does. Let’s throw a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is. We’ll be able to tell the depth by how long it is before we hear the noise of the pebbles landing.”

So they pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait. Nothing.


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What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a goat and give it a bad time

Boneapple tea!

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The Exceptional Goat

The founder of Microsoft had an exceptional goat. Unfortunately, someone left the pen open and this goat set out to wreak havoc in San Francisco. Luckily, the only damage was to a storm drain cover. The media is calling it Gates'-Great-Golden-Gate-Goat-Gate-Grate-Gate.

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Two guys found a big hole in the middle of the woods.

First guy says, "Man would you look at that hole, wonder how deep it is?".

Second guy replies, "Good question, let's throw something in there and listen for it to hit the bottom".

So the guys throw in a rock and wait. Nothing.

Next they try a big heavy tree branch. Nothing again.

Now they are getting curious and go fi


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A goat tells her boyfriend she's pregnant.

He immediately replies, "What? You're kidding!"

To which she replies back, "Yeah, that's what I said."

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A good goat will do that

Farmer Wilson walks over to Farmer Jones' place and says
"Jones, I got me a problem and I gotta to go to court - I need a lawyer, do you know any?" Farmer Jones replies, "yeah, I know a couple of those guys. One is a hell of a trial lawyer, great guy but expensive as hell; the other, not so great, but the guy sure knows how to pick a jury and he's a lot cheaper."


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What do you get if you inject human dna into a goat?

A lifetime ban from the petting zoo.

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And then I said

That’s not a goat, that’s my wife

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Two Irish lads walking home from a pub...

Along the way, the older of the two starts babbling.

"You see that barn over there, Laddie? I built that barn with me own two hands. Framed it, roofed it, did it all me self. But do they call me a barn builder, Laddie? No, no they don't."

The two continue walking.

"You see that fence there, Laddie? I built that fence with me own two hands.


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Rice krispies are the GOAT

i never say goat but rice krispies deserve it

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What do you get when you cross human DNA with goat DNA?

You get kicked out of the petting zoo.

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So a goat was found dead on it's house

The police report said, that the goat overdosed on Crystal Mehhh

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Two Irsih men are drinking at a bar

Once they've had enough, they decide to walk home together, since they live by each other. Along the way, the older of the two starts babbling.

"You see that barn over there, Laddie? I built that barn with me own two hands. Framed it, roofed it, did it all me self. But do they call me a barn builder, Laddie? No, no they don't."

The two continue walkin


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Two hunters are in the woods

They are strolling through the woods when they come across a sink hole.
The first Hunter says to the other "man, that sure looks deep, I can't even see the bottom!"

The second Hunter says "well why don't we throw something down and listen for it to hit the bottom." He grabs a stick and drops it in. "Phewwwwww......." But it never hits the


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What do you get when you mix human DNA and a goat?

Banned from the petting zoo.

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What do you call an overly emotional goat?

A bleating heart.

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What do you get when you cross human DNA with a goat?

You get kicked out of the petting zoo.

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Scott met his friend Freddy one day.....

He was wearing a necklace made of solid gold. It glittered in the sunlight, momentarily blinding anyone who was caught in its reflection. Freddy seemed to be the happiest guy on earth, singing loudly for everyone to hear. Scott just had to ask him.

"Hey Fred, where did you get that necklace? Won the lottery or something?"

"Oh ayuh," Fred replied "


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How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her.

How do you mix boy and girl chromosomes?

Pull down their genes.

What do you get when you mix human and goat genes? Kicked out of the petting zoo.

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Hunting Trip

Two guys are hunting in the woods and come across a goat with its head stuck in the fence.

1st guy says, "Man I haven't had sex in a while and I'm thinking about fucking that goat. Can you keep it a secret?"

2nd guy says, "sure go ahead"

So the 1st guy goes up and just pounds this goat real good

2nd guy says, &quo


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What do you get when you mix human and goat DNA?

A lifetime ban from the zoo

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Kendrick Lamar was spotted hiking in the Himalayas

Mountain Goat

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What do you get when you inject a goat with human DNA?

A ban from the petting zoo.

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The Goat

A Scottish old timer in Scotland, in a bar, talking to a young man. 

The Old Man says, "Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. I piled it for months."

"But do they call me McGreggor-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo..."

Then the old man gest


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