Frog

Jokes

A Man walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "If I can show you something you have never seen before, can I drink free tonight?"

The barkeep thinks about it and says "well I have seen a lot of stuff, if you can genuinely show me something I have not seen before, I will pick up your tab tonight".

So the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a miniature piano and sets it on the bar, then he reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a frog and sets the frog at the piano.

Low and behold


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One day a magical frog sees a bear chasing after a rabbit for dinner.

In an attempt to bring peace to his magical forest, the frog hops up to the two and promises them 3 wishes each if they stop this violence. After both animals agreed, the frog chooses the bear to state his first wish, first. After thinking for a while, the bear says, "I wish for all the bears in this forest to be female except me." Next is the rabbit's turn, "I wish for a motor


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A man has a 25 inch long penis

And he thinks it is way too big, and he looks for ways to make it smaller. One day, he finds out about a witch in the woods who can solve his problem.

When he went to the witch, she told him to look for a frog by the stream and ask the frog to have sex with him. The frog will say no, and his penis will shrink by five inches.

He goes to the frog, and asks him, "will y


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An actual 'reddit' joke- and the first joke I ever told when I was a little kid...

It's pretty stupid but whatever...

What did the chicken say to the librarian?

"Book, book, book"

What did the frog say to the chicken?

"Reddit, reddit, reddit..."

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An old man is walking through the forest...

When he come across a frog. The frog says "kiss me and I'll turn in to a beautiful woman and be yours forever." The old man reaches down picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket. From his pocket the frog says "aren't you going to kiss me?" The old man replies "at my age I would rather have a talking frog."


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What does an antisocial frog say?

Reddit, Reddit.

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A frog walks into a bank

A frog walks into a bank
And he goes up to the counter and says "I want to take out a loan"
The woman behind the counter says "well I don't know if we give loans out to frogs but I'll see what we can do"
Her name is Mrs. Wack
So Mrs. Wack says "If I can get your name we'll get you started with an application"
The frog says


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What do you get if you cross a frog, a duck, an elephant, and a rhino?

Fuck if I know.

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Whats green and red and goes 50 MPH?

A frog in a blender

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A man is golfing one day when..

He arrives to his next hole he sees a little frog had followed him. He grabs his club and readys his swing when he hears "Ribbit, 3 Wood". He looks down at the frog surprisingly, "What was that? Did you say something?" So the man pulls out his 3 wood and hits the ball. Hole in one! He couldn't believe it. The next hole he sees the frog has followed him, looks over and it


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I was walking through the forest when I saw something glimmer in the grass.

"I approached and it turned out to be a golden frog. I quickly grabbed it, intending to sell it for a lot of money, but the frog spoke to me.


- Let me go and I'll grant you 3 wishes.


First I didn't believe it, so I tried to stick it in my pocket, but the frog spoke again.


- There is a jar behind that tree. Trap me inside an


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What does Pervert the Frog say?

Rubbit Rubbit.

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A frog goes to a fortune teller.

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A researcher is experimenting on a frog

He says: "Jump!".

The frog jumps, and the man writes down: " The frog with four legs jumps".

He then cuts one of the frog's legs and says: "Jump!".

The frog jumps, and the man writes down: "The frog with three legs jumps".

He then cuts another leg and says: "Jump!".

The frog, wit


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What is a common thing between Alexander the Great and Kermit the frog?

Their middle name

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A little girl asks her granddad

"Would you make a frog noise for me"

Why, asks the granddad confused.

The little girl replies "Dad says when you croak we are all going to Disneyland"

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A little asks her granddad.

"Would you make a frog noise for me"

Why, asks the granddad confused.

The little girl replies "Dad says when you croak we are all going to Disneyland"

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What does the frog say?

reddit! reddit! reddit!

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A man is out Golfing.....

He is having a pretty standard game half way through his 18. When he arives to his next hole he sees a little frog had followed him. He grabs his club and readys his swing when he hears "Ribbit, 3 Wood". He looks down at the frog surprisingly, "What was that? Did you say something?" So the man pulls out his 3 wood and hits the ball. Hole in one! He couldn't believe it. Th


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A woman is out golfing when she hits her golf ball into the woods. When she goes to retrieve it, she finds a talking frog trapped beneath a fallen tree...

"Please!" the frog cries, "Help me! If you can just lift up this tree even just a little bit, I will be free! And I'll grant you three wishes!"

The woman quickly agrees, and throws her weight into the tree. She can't lift it much, as it's quite heavy, but she does manage to move it just barely enough for the frog to free himself.

He dus


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Classic Reddit joke.

A chicken walks into a library an says to the librarian: Book, book, book. The librarian hands the chicken three books. On the way out, the chicken runs into a frog. The chicken shows the books to the frog and says:Book, book, book."
The frog replies: Reddit,redit, redit"

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A chicken walks into a library

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Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.


She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog
in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I
will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,
"Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten


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A man walked into a bar. He sat down and asked the bar tender "If I impress you, can I have a free drink?". The bar tender said sure, so the man reached in his pocket and pulled out a tiny piano. He then pulled out a small rat and set it by the piano. It crawled on to the bench and began playing

music. The bar tender was amazed, so he gave the man a beer. Next, the man said "If I impress you even more, can I have free drinks for life?". The bar tender didn't think it was possible, so he agreed. The man pulled a frog out of his pocket, and it began to sing by the piano. The bar tender smiled and told the man that he was impressed. A man in a suit with a cane walked into the


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A chicken walks into a library.

He goes up to the librarian and says "Book Book Book"
The librarian hands him a book and the chicken goes on his way.

The chicken walks up to a frog and says "Book Book Book"

The frog reads the title and replies "Reddit Reddit Reddit"

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Why did the dyslexic architect put a frog on a pedestal?

He had read that he needed a toad bearing pillar.

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NSFW Why cant Ms Piggy count to 70?

Once she gets to 69 she gets a little frog in her throat.

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A man walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, If I show you something I have never shown you before, can I drink free?

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A man walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, If I show you something I have never shown you before, can I drink free?

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A Boy's Frog

A kid is walking down the street with a jar of money and dragging along a dead frog on a string. And he walks into a whorehouse. He sets the jar of money on the counter and proclaims to a woman in the lobby "I want to have sex with the dirtiest, nastiest woman you have here." She glares at him and replies "get outta here. you're too young to be here." The kid retorts, poin


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A frog walks into a bank

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What do you call an illegally parked frog?

Toad

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Fishing

I was out fishing yesterday when I heard a soft voice saying "Kiss me, then I will turn into your faithful mistress"
I looked down and saw a little frog, " I said "Was that you speaking"?
The little frog said "Yes, kiss me and I will turn into your faithful mistress"
So I picked the little frog up and placed it in an empty bait box.
When I


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What sound does a frog on raww make?

Reddit

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What did the frog say when he returned the book to the library?

Reddit

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Two transexuals get lost in the woods



Eventually, nature calls and one of them goes near to take a dump. Two minutes later she returns crying

\-What happened?

\-OMG... i had an abortion!!

\-What are you talking about we cant get pregnant!

\-Come and look for yourself

They both go together to the place she was before and the crying one points to the groud a


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Two transexuls get lost in the woods

Eventually, nature calls and one of them goes near to take a dump. Two minutes later she returns crying

\-What happened?

\-OMG... i had an abortion!!

\-What are you talking about we cant get pregnant!

\-Come and look for yourself

They both go together to the place she was before and the crying one points to the groud and says
<


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I met a baby frog with a great grandfather that cam from Warsaw

He said that made him a tad Pole

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Whats the difference between a car and a frog?

A frog can’t be toad

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Moses, Jesus, and a bearded old man are playing golf.

Moses drives a long one, which lands on the fairway but rolls directly toward the pond. Moses raises his club, parts the water, and the ball rolls safely to the other side.

&amp;#x200B;

Jesus also hits a long one toward the same pond, but just as it’s about to land in the center, it hovers above the surface. Jesus casually walks out on the pond and chips it onto


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What does a horny frog say

Rubbit

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I think my frog is addicted to social media

The only thing it says is “Reddit”

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TIL, as well as the more common "frogs legs" a rare French culinary delicacy is the tiny, engorged penis of the male frog...

Boner petite!

(Inspired by the excellent, and often hilarious sub r/boneappletea)

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A frog walked into a bank to secure a loan

He walked up to the teller, Miss Patricia Whack, and said, "Hi my name is Kermit Jagger and I need a loan for $10,000,000." "That is quite a large sum of money, especially for a frog " she replied. "I may be a frog, but I'm also Mick Jagger's love child." Miss Whack was aghast. "Well, have you even got anything to put up as collateral?" "Of


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What's green then red at a touch of a button?

Kermit the Frog in a blender

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A frog walks into a bank...

and says to the banker, "Hello Ms. Wack, I need to take out a loan for a lily pad." Confused, replies, "Well typically we don't give out loans for frogs... do you have any money we can open this account with?" The frog shrugged, reached into his pocket, and pulled out a strange wooden trinket and pushed it towards the banker. Even more confused, the banker says, "I�


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A frog walked into a bank, carrying a tiny porcelain statue.

The frog hopped up to the loans officer and asked for million dollar loan to start a new business. Amused, the loans officer said to herself "Well, I will play along for a minute."

"Hello, I am Patricia Whack. So, what collateral do you have?" she asked. The frog handed her the tiny porcelain statue.

"Okay..." she said hesitantly. "An


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What do you get if you cross Kermit the Frog with a Philosopher.

Jordan Peterson.



*(Once you hear it you can't unhear it.)*

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A frog walks into a bank...

A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller, whose name plate says Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $50,000 loan." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. "Kermit Jagger. My father is Mick Jagger. It will be fine to authorize the loan, I know your manager." Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. "


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Why did Hollywood stop buying scripts from the frog writer?

Because his stories were ribbititive.

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