Free

Jokes

My local church recently started offering gluten-free communion wafers....

They're called "I can't believe it's not Jesus"

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Hello welcome to mcdonalds

hello welcome to mcdonalds you are very very fat should i replace your french fries order with a salad maybe your extra greasy hamburger with a fat free veggie burger according to the scale you weigh 4000 pounds thats disgusting now go be a fatass and suck a dick its less fattening than a big mac hello fat cunt welcome to mcdiarrhea you are one obese motherfucker should i replace your shit ass gar


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An infinite number of Redditors walk into a bar.

One Redditor says to the bartender, “I’ll take a Budlight!”

Everyone cheers and loves their choice of beer!

Another Redditor says to the bartender, “I’ll take a Budlight!”

Everyone loves their preference of beer!

Another Redditor says to the bartender, “I’ll take a Budlight!”

Ever


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A clown at the circus gave me some free popcorn.

That was a very kind jester.

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Two Irishmen are going out for a drink...

It was Friday night, and Mick and Seamus were trying to figure out where to go.

"I know!" says Seamus, "There's this great pub across town we ought to try."

"What's so great about it?" asks Mick.

"Well, when you first walk in the door, they give you a free drink. They you go upstairs for a free shag. When you get b


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What's the best thing about fingering a gypsy on her period?

You get your palm red for free!

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I like my coffee how I like the slaves

Free

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Why are bluegrass lessons not free?

It's cuz of that fee-fi-fiddley-i-o, for strumming on that ol' banjo.

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I like my coffee like I like my slaves

Free

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I cancelled my Netflix

after discovering tons of free channels where I can endlessly scroll their menus finding nothing to watch.

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Whats the difference in between a vacuum cleaner and a prostitute?

The vacuum cleaner will suck your dick for free

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The waiter said to me I just want to let you know that kids eat for free.

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Pharoah: Ah, welcome Mr Bandage. The body is just down the pyramid and in the sarcophagus.

Mr Bandage: excellent, I've brought my special equipment to make him look like a mummy.

Pharaoh: If you don't mind me asking. May I see how you perform your work of art.

Mr Bandage: of course, lead the way.

They both went down to the bottom of the pyramid and the pharoah opened the sarcophagus. However just as he opened it, a servant came down the s


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I was able to get into the kite festival for free.

# My friend pulled some strings for me.

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A man walks into a bar to see a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling

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Do THOTs on the keto diet

call them sugar-free daddies?

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How do you kill a gluten free Vampire?

Garlic bread

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What do you get if you finger a gypsy on her period.

Your palms red for free.

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I asked a Chinese girl for her phone number, she said "SEX! SEX! SEX! FREE SEX TONIGHT!" I said "Wow!" Then her friend told me she was meant to say 6663629!

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A man's fence is broken and he neess to hire someone to fix it

So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free.

He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him.

Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a to


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NSFW Three men meet up and decide to go take a walk in the woods. After a couple hours, they get kidnapped by a group of cannibals

The cannibals, feeling merciful, task all three men to find 10 fruits of the same type and bring them back.

The first man arrives an hour later with 10 apples, when the cannibals count them, they tell the man that, in order to be free, he had to stick all 10 apples up his ass without making any kind of noise or face, if he failed, he would be killed and then eaten.

The fi


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A woman is out golfing when she hits her golf ball into the woods. When she goes to retrieve it, she finds a talking frog trapped beneath a fallen tree...

"Please!" the frog cries, "Help me! If you can just lift up this tree even just a little bit, I will be free! And I'll grant you three wishes!"

The woman quickly agrees, and throws her weight into the tree. She can't lift it much, as it's quite heavy, but she does manage to move it just barely enough for the frog to free himself.

He dus


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Would you like to know the difference between American Spirit cigarettes and Camels

Camels have rat turds in them and so do American Spirits but the turds in American Spirits are from free range rats.

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Are used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around.

Feel free to Boo me!

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Did you hear about the Mexican slave trade?

Wasn't a big deal at all.

'Til they offered buy Juan, get Juan free.

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"I think American healthcare should be free"

"Hey, that's just Europeanion"

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If America is really a free country..

How come no one has bought it yet?

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Whats a nudists favorite movie?

Free Willy

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If online shopping causes all the shopping malls to close

Then where will we get free samples of bourbon chicken?

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Whats the difference between Canada and USA?

About a decade in life expectancy, healthcare free at the point of care, no school shootings or terrorist attacks

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I asked a Chinese girl for her number.

She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"

I said, "Wow!"

Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

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Juan, a prison warden, decided a group of sikhs (4 or 5 of them) should be released for good behaviour.

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I hate it when people dont flush.

Toilets should be like airport stores, duty free.

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Do you think Nils Rogers and his band Chic ever got rid of...

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What's the difference between EA and a priest?

One fucks you for free

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Why do nine ants get to live in an apartment for free?

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Meat

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Do you think that bank chic ever had any takers

For the free cow they were trying to get rid of?

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Interviewer: What did you like about your last job?

Me: Oh ok so sometimes a coworker would have a birthday

Interviewer: ah yes go on

Me: and there would be like free cake and stuff right

Interviewer: ahuh yes

Me:

Interviewer:

Me: That's all

Interviewer:

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Remember Chic? Did they ever find any takers

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I dont get why people think its dark when you run children over....

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The best things in life are free

for the first 30 days

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What do you call a Mexican prostitute that forgets to charge her tricks?

A frijole (free hoe lay)

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Free Sex

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

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I just purchased a reptile just so I could get free upvotes!

It was a karma karma karma karma karma chameleon

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How do I know China has Free Speech?

No one says otherwise.

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I asked a Chinese girl for her number.

She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"


I said, "Wow!"


Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629"

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What illegal activity does Jack Nicholson do regularly?

He torrence his films for free

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Jimmy Johns offeres free smells.

At Subway, smells are a scent.

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America: where you can be free as long as you follow the rules.

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