Freak

Jokes

How to be a super hero

DC: be an orphan or raised by an orphan
Marvel: get in a freak accident

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They had to close the circus

There was a freak accident

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A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat.

Before he can order a beer, the bowl of pretzels in front of him says "Hey, you're a handsome fellow."
The man tries to ignore the bowl of pretzels, and orders a fine Pilsner beer. The bowl of pretzels then says "Ooooh, a pilsner, great choice. You're a smart man."
Starting to freak out, the guy says to the bartender "Hey what the hell, this bowl of


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How do you get a one armed man out of a tree? (Series)

How do you get a one armed man out of a tree?

You wave at him.


How do you get a two armed man out of a tree?

Nothing. He has two arms; he can get down himself.


How do you get a three armed man out of a tree?
Three arms? He is a freak. You shoot him.

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What key does the control freak New Yorker hit when he wants to go back?

He's tappin' Zee

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The other day I asked my younger cousin if hed rather get $1 for complimenting a stranger or $10 for insulting a stranger

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Ahoy Matey!

There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.

"It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."

"That's very sensible, sir." At that mo


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A man goes to the doctor.

Man: "Doctor, I have this problem."

Doctor: "What is the issue?"

Man: "Everytime I'm driving with my friends, we go through this tunnel, and I just can't control myself. I freak right out."

Doctor: "Sounds like you have Carpool Tunnel Syndrome."

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I like to catch flies and hold them up over a globe of the earth.

They always freak out because they are way to high.
"Steven Wright" I think.

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I hope you understand this

Knock knock

Who's there?

Control freak.

Con-

Okay now you say control freak who

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Nintendo just announced they're changing Pokemon Sword amp Shield to Pokemon Circle amp Oval

After Game Freak decided to cut every corner.

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What's warm and sticky?

Toasted bread covered in honey you sick freak.

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I found my first grey pubic hair today.

However, i didn't freak out about it like the other people in the elevator.

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A joke for people your friend

3 men are sitting at a bar
Man1 I think I have the smallest arm in the world
Man2 I think I have the smallest foot in the world
Man3 I think I have the smallest penis in the world
So they go to the book of records and look it up
Man1 I’ve done it I’ve got the smallest arm in the world
Man2 same I’ve got the smallest foot in the world


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Viewing teenage CP and eating pork as a Muslim are the same.

When you unknowingly do it, you feel fine. However, if you’re told the truth after the fact, you’ll freak out and pretend that you knew something was wrong, even though the experience was indistinguishable from normal.

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Girls say they like a guy who is hung

But when they walk in and I am stung up by a noose they freak out

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My wife is a big racist.

But I don't want to divorce her because she is a freak in the sheets.

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Technically, every meal is a breakfast and we should, as a society, refer to them as such.

Then people wouldn’t freak out so much when I tell them I had 10 beers at breakfast

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My elementary school art teacher told this one

He began class by saying that Sebastian, Evan, and Joseph (some of my classmates) were stranded on an island. They find a fairy or something like that (I don't know, it was years ago) and they each get a wish, as long as it doesn't involve escaping the island.
Sebastian says he wishes for a lot of food. The others freak out, and ask him why. He tells them it's because they ne


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Have you ever seen a really beautiful woman and thought to yourself you should go say something?

But then you realize it's a bad idea. She's probably going to freak out when you walk out of her closet.

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Found my first grey pubic hair today. But I didnt freak out...

Unlike everyone else inside the elevator

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My best friend was going to get an abortion. So I decided to go with her.

We are sitting in the waiting room. Doctor comes in, says her name.

She gets up and looks back at me.

I freak out. I don’t know what to say at this moment... I get something:

“Go kill em in there.”


Joke rightfully said by Anthony Jeselnik

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For sale: baby shoes, never worn

My wife is mad enough that I bought the chinchilla in the first place. She's going to freak out when she sees the accessories. I gotta get rid of them ASAP.

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Everyone told me our greatest natural resource was the minds of our children.

Why does everybody freak out when I try to harvest them?

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Two men are sitting in a bar

One man looks at the other and says

"So, you're married right? You and your wife ever.... Get freak and decide to put it in the other hole?"

The second man responds

"WHAT!? And run the risk of getting pregnant? Hell no!"

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When you have sex, God is watching...

What a freak.

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I had a friend who was bored out of his mind at work.

No ones really quite sure how the freak drill-press accident happened.

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5 women come forth in new 'Weird Al' Yankovic sexual assault allegations.

And other things you can say to freak /r/all out

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Why did the Mormon teen boy freak out when he found out a elder was taking him to court?

The boy knew the elder would own his ass.

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What's the difference between Steve Irwin and my pool?

I give a fuck and freak out when I find a stingray in my pool

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How do you freak out your roommate?

“hey, have you seen our toothbrush?”

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A man walks into McDonalds

The cashier says, “Hello sir! May I take your order? By the way sir, we don’t have any-”

The man interrupts, “Yes, can I get a, uh, Big Mac with large fries?”

“Sir, we don’t have any fries, would you like-“

“Oh, then can I get some small fries?”

The cashier sighs and rolls his eyes. &ldq


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Guys...If you want to freak out your wife...

Tell her that you gave up on wash cloths when you found out her shower loofah feels better against your body. Come back and post her response here.

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Daughter: Can I lick the bowl, Mommy?

Mother: No you little freak, get back in there and flush like everyone else.

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Whats the same about a Vampire and German?

Both freak the hell out when someone yells
#ORA

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I was sitting at home watching TV

There was a knock on the door, went to open it, I saw these wicked snail - it’s freak me out, I pick it up and threw as hard as I could to the further side of my garden.

Months goes by, there’s another knock - I went to the door, I swear it was the same snail.



Then he said “Why the HELL you do that for!!?”


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Knock knock

Who’s there

Control freak
Now you say control freak who

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Freak Once, Sea wave, Length relationship.

You are good at Physics

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I've been avoiding this guy who lost all his toes in a freak knife accident.

When he asked me why, I told him its because I'm lack toes intolerant.

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What is a three letter word that turns a girl into a woman?

The answer is age, you sick freak!

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In 2007 the richest 1 of the American population owned 35 of the country's total wealth

Well boy, are you gonna freak when you hear of genders.

Please don’t downvote I don’t hate anyone of any gender

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Knock Knock...

Who’s there?

Control Freak.

Con…

OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?”

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When does your wife totally freak out?

So, three gents were hanging out at a bar and started to talk about what makes their wives totally freak out...

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The first says: "I bang her in all these different positions, but when I take her from behind and rub her tits at the same time, she totally freaks out!"

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The other says: " I just bang her


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Knock! Knock!

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Control Freak.
Con…
OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?

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I got a ghost that loves to give blow jobs

She’s a freak UNDERNEATH the sheets!

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Bach was a legendary composer with 20 kids.........

I guess that qualifies him as being a freak in the sheets and on the sheets.....

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"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital..."

"Peter, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."

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"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital..."

"Peter, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."

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Knock knock

Friend A: Knock Knock

Friend B: Who's there?

Friend A: Control freak.

Friend B: Con—

Friend A: Okay, now you say "Control freak who?"

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People who don't like how long CVS receipts are would probably freak if they ever saw a book

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