Foul

Jokes

Why are no Zombies allowed on Disney Channel?

Because of their foul mouths

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Police say there was a suicide at the local produce stand.

They say their is no suspected foul play. But I suspect it was a hummuside.

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The makers of summers eve

The makers of summers eve has release a new product line for men. A spray for men called umpire, for foul balls.

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25 Year Old Major League Baseball Player Found Dead In Home

Umpire Crew Chief Joe West Confirms No Foul Ball Play Suspected

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What did the knight say to the turnip?

Begone, foul beet!

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A foul mouthed genie walks into a bar

The genie says "I want to open a fucking bank account"

The Priest says "weird but okay"

Much to the duck's confusion.

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Cussing In Church

A crusty old man  walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the
secretary, "I would like to  join this damn church."


The astonished  woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have
misunderstood you. What did  you say?"


"Listen up, damn  it. I said I want to join this damn chur


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Did you hear about the mansplainer who died?

Some people suspected foul play, but he fell into a well, actually.

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Some dictionaries were playing hockey. One of them though there was a foul...

The ref said "Play on, words"

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Residents of Paris complaining of foul smell from burning wood in Notre Dame.

Because . . . . pew. (too soon?)

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To err is human . . .

But to REALLY foul things up you need a Facebook server

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Last night my wife served me something for dinner that was so foul

I gave it to the dog and he licked his arse to get the taste out of his mouth

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Who is the greatest Chicken-Killer in Shakespeare?

Macbeth, because he did murder most foul.

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She avoided my eye contact,

**and ticked my work in green.**
**But she knew trhat her body smells,**
**were foul and quite obscene.**

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This guy gets a parrot but it's got a bad attitude and foul vocabulary. He tries everything to change the bird's attitude

This guy gets a parrot but it's got a bad attitude and foul vocabulary. He tries everything to change the bird's attitude and clean up its talk but nothing works. Finally, in a moment of desperation, he puts the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he hears the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all is quiet. He opens the freezer door. The parrot steps ou


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A crusty old man walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church." And with that said, the secretary leaves her desk and walks into the pastor's study t


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How to spell Mississippi

Two men from the South India get onto a bus in New York. They sit down & engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears 1 of them say the following:


"Emma cums first

then n I cum

Then two asses cum together

I cum once-a-more


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A Bird commited homicide

It was a foul Murder.

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I don't know what it is, but garden snakes always have the most foul stench.

They kinda smell like asp.

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2 brothers, 12 and 10 decide it's time for them to act more manly

It's just before breakfast and the 2 brothers in their bedroom upstairs decide they're going to start cursing since that's what they see in the adult shows and movies. Mom calls them down for breakfast and they head down to the kitchen and take a seat. Mom turns to the 10 year old and asks "what would you like for breakfast?" He replies "I'd love some damn Cheeri


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2 brothers, 12 and 10 decide it's time for them to act more manly

It's just before breakfast and the 2 brothers in their bedroom upstairs decide they're going to start cursing since that's what they see in the adult shows and movies. Mom calls them down for breakfast and they head down to the kitchen and take a seat. Mom turns to the 10 year old and asks "what would you like for breakfast?" He replies "I'd love some damn Cheeri


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What do you call a water foul on acid?

Peking duck.

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Where does a Foul-Mouthed Pirate wear his best Jewelry?

On his Buccaneers

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What fowl plays foul when playing hide and go seek?

A Peking duck

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An elderly woman visits the doctor for, ahem, a little problem.

"You see, doctor..." and she leans in to whisper conspiratorially... "I have flatulence. But you wouldn't know it because it makes no sound and it has no odor. In fact, I'm flatulent right now. Right as we speak, I swear. To be honest I'm not sure I should even bother to do anything about it, it's such a little thing, but it's there anything you can do?"


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What do you call a baseball that hasnt been washed in over a year?

A foul ball.

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Jim, the foul mouthed 1st grader.

Jim's a special boy. His teacher knows he's had it rough and understands why he's a disruptive and crude child yet she avoids calling on him when his hand is raised; he's got a terribly foul mouth.

While reviewing the alphabet, the teacher was asking the students for names of animals with corresponding letters.

Teacher: "Can anyone think of an an


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What do you call two acids with an attitude?

An a-mean-o acid, but the sour-foul-ric acids are the worst.

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I woke up to a foul stench and muddy texture...

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Foul mouthed parrot

A woman goes to a pet store to buy a parrot.
She finds there’s three birds available. Two fine plumed parrots for 200$ and a really exotic multicolored one for 20$.
The pet shop owner explained that the beautiful one is on discount because of its coarse language from having previously lived in a brothel.
The woman buys the cheap parrot.
When the get home and she s


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A Saudi Arabian asks an Egyptian all you guys eat is foul (fava beans) what separates you from animals?

The Egyptian responds: “the Red Sea “.

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I never understand why people feel the need to use foul NSFW language to tell jokes.

So, I was butt-fucking this big bitch Belinda...

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A man walks into a whorehouse, and approaches the Madam.

He places a ten dollar bill on the counter, and says he'd like a girl. The Madam laughs.

"For ten bucks? You're dreaming, pal."

The man withdraws another ten, and asks "How about now?"

The Madam sighs, and says "I think we can work something out. Tell you what. . .go up the stairs, down the hall on the left. Follow the upsta


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What is the most commonly used language in computer programming?

Foul

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A guy adopts a pink parrot from an old sailor....

unfortunately, it swears like an old sailor. He tries everything to get it to stop. He even destroyed the parrot's old cage, but that just made it worse. Then he noticed his mom coming up to the house. What could he do? He couldn't let his dear sweet mother hear this foul mouthed bird. So, he placed the bird in the freezer until he could get rid of his mom. They have some small tal


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The inventor of Twister has died...

...Police say "foul play cannot be ruled out".

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Salty Seadog.

A ship's crew got a dog.

Though it wasn't toilet trained, everyone still loved it.

But the captain stated if it poops in his cabin, it's out.

However the following morning...

The captain wakes up in quite a foul mood

Though reluctant to work he begins to get up

And just he leaves the bed, he immediately st


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My friend's girlfriend

My friend, his girlfriend and I were planning on going to lake to have a little fun. It was pretty awkward because I have a crush on his girlfriend. As we start driving, we notice a smell.

"What's that foul odor?" I said
"No idea." said my fiend.
"Did you pass a farm or something?" I said
"No, there are no farms or even farm a


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Another golf joke...

A guys in laws are in town and him and his father in-law have decide to go play golf. They are having a blast but every now and again his father in-law yells long foul.
Thinking about it he always hears his wife screaming it while they are making love. Later on that night he goes up to his Father in-law and says your daughter is always saying "long foul" what does it mean?
th


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Have you heard of the new deodorant called umpire?

It's for foul balls!

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It was ruled that Justice Scalia did not die from foul play.

[deleted]

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While at the mall with my infant son, I was glad to see the men's room had a baby changing station...

…so I took the kid right in there and strapped him into it.

Imagine my disappointment when we left the restroom and he was still the same foul-tempered, demanding and inarticulate little brat I walked in there with.

[Edited for clarity]

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Joining the church and . . .

A crusty old man walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that


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Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

Because the ref was blowing a foul.

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Operating system jokes

Which operating system does Bear Grylls use? Internet *Explorer*

Which operating system does David Cameron use? *Firefox*

Which operating system did Pavarotti use? *Opera*

Which operating system does a foul mouthed Tony Stark use? *Swear Iron*

Which operating system does a zookeeper use? *Seemonkeys*


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Coach Krzyzewski thinks he's playing wheel of fortune...

"I'd like to buy a foul"

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An ugly foul smelling creature walks into a bar and the bartender says "You should be at the dump!"

The creature shakes its head. "Nah, they don't want a redditor either."

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RATS!

Miss Lippy, a first grade teacher, decides on an introductory spelling exercise for her students; during which, she would ask them to provide her a word that begins a given letter of the alphabet. Beginning with the first letter of the alphabet, the teacher asked her class, “What word starts with the letter ‘A’?”. Immediately, Johnny (who was well-known for his use of fou


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2 Italian immigrants get on a bus

A woman is sitting on a bus, and 2 Italian immigrants come sit down in front of her, she overhears one speaking to the other:

"Fredo, Emma come-a first,
Then-a I come-a,
Then-a the two asses they come-a together,
Then-a I come-a again,
Then-a the two asses, they come-a together again,
Then-a I come-a,
Then-a I pee 2 times,
Then-a I come-a


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Why did the music critic compare the song to a foul-mouthed mixture of sand and wind?

Because it was Da-rude Sandstorm

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