Fool

Jokes

Does masturbation improve reading?

I read that masturbation brings a remarkable improvement in lexicon, and I was absorbed by this statement devoid of reason. Everyone knows that it exacerbates me when I witness a petulant fool brandishing bombastic cultisms as banal corollaries whose ephemeral purpose is to obscure the rickety collections of the most stubborn before his despotic lexicology.


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Why cant you fool an aborted baby?

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How do you fool an idiot

-Put him in a circle room
-Tell him to sit in the corner

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If Christopher Columbus had had a wife, he would have had to hear: - Part II

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What is the plural of "hippopotamus"?

Hippopotami.

What is the plural of "cactus"?

Cacti.

What is the plural of "whatafoolam"?

What a fool am I.

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Two peanuts were walking down the road

One said to the other, "I wonder what we are doing here. We are peanuts. Why are we walking down this road?"

The other replied, "who knows. Maybe some fool is trying to get some karma."

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Finally I have an original joke that isnt recycled or stolen from here or anywhere...

Not! Jokes on you, fool!

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Guess what?!

CHICKEN BUTT haha you fool

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Why are vampires easy to fool?

Because they're suckers.

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The Guardian: Ilhan Omar calls Tucker Carlson a racist fool after his scathing attack on air.

Tucker Carlson replied "How dare she call me a fool!"

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Do you know how to keep a fool in suspense?

I'll tell you tomorrow.

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Dyslexics wont go outside tomorrow...

...they are too afraid of the George of Fool Eye.

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You know the old saying...

You know the old saying: If one door closes another one opens up?

With a toddler its more like: If one door closes...Haha you fool, you really think you will ever be able to close a door behind you again?

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My wife told me I was a fool to build a car out of spaghetti.

> You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.

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Fool me once, shame on you fool me twice, shame on me

Fool me thrice, I'm a masochist

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Fool me once, shame on you fool me twice, shame on me fool me thrice, I'm a masochist

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Sherlock Holmes and Watson were out in the woods on a case

They had to spend the night camping and when it was time to go to sleep they both nestled in theid sleeping bags and went to sleep. A few hours later Sherlock woke up and shook Watson awake. He said "Watson, look up at the stars. What do you deduce?"

Watson replied " well, I see hundreds of thousands of stars and worlds and I feel small, but more than that I ponder my e


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How I fooled the mosquitos.

Well... Do you know how I always fool the mosquitos in summer?
I let them in the house and go & sleep outside.

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I recently moved to a different country to live with my girlfriend

She thought she could get away, the fool.

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Why cant you fool an aborted baby?

It wasn't born yesterday

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I recently hired two interns from China to help with my business

Hua Ta Yu and Biyuchica Mi. Because it was easier, they both asked me to call them by their last names.

I needed to sign up for a new online service and asked Yu to do so. I gave her my credit card and off she went. After an hour I went to see if she had completed the task and she was gone! Worried, I checked my online statement and there were dozens of pending purchases on my credit


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Whit people black people diffrents

whit people say forty
black people say fody
whites say what up
black what up fool

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A woman comes home from work...

A woman comes home early from work and finds her husband screwing a goat.

The husband says, “I’m so sorry honey, this is the pig I fool around with when you’re not around.”

The wife responds, “That’s not a pig, that’s a goat!”

The husband replies, “I wasn’t talking to you.”


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Donald Trump was admiring the Sistine Chapel

Trump : this is the best painting I've seen and when I say it's best , it's the bestest.

Docent : of course, Mr.president , they have been painted by Michaelangelo himself .

Trump : I don't know what the fake news media tells about me but I'm not a fool to believe it was a painted by one of those sewer turtles.


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There was once a fool that would always answer no to any question.

If you asked him if he had ate, he would answer no. If you asked if he was okay, he would answer no.

(Now pause and ask your listener(s) if they had heard this joke before. The ideal answer is no. After the answer(s), stop telling the joke.)

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What's the difference between a Fool and a King?

A Fool is a King, and a King is a Fool.

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I think you can still April Fool someone when there is a referrence to April 1st.

April Fools

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Its your day today

You fool!

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So I impregnated this girl

Her name was *April*
God , I’m such a *Fool*...

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April Fools Day............

The day every newspaper tries to fool readers by sneaking in at least one properly researched, factually correct story.

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April Fools

No, April doesn't fool people, idiot.

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April Fools!

girl: babe I'm pregnant you're the father

guy: can't fool me it's April's Fools Day!

girl: haha! got me! you're not the father

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THE HISTORY OF APRIL FOOL

April 1st is named FOOL'S DAY, after Steve April. He was born on 1st April 1579. He did 105 businesses in his lifetime. He lost all his father's assets, and so everyone started calling him father of the fools.

At 19, he married a 61-year-old woman who divorced him after a year because of his foolishness. He used to read all kinds of fake stories like you are doing now.


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How does an April fool joke start?

How does an April fool joke start?

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So i hook up with a hot blondie which i rate a solid 910 today.

April’s fool!

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April fool day

April fools day Applicable for single ppl . Married ppl have already been fooled

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Why doesnt April ever eat with the other months?

It starts off fool

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My girlfriend said she reached climax...

...but I'm no fool -- it was just sargasm.

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If my house gets broken into Im gonna yell at the guy YOU PICKED THE WRONG HOUSE FOOL! Like Big Smoke from GTA SA

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God decided to take the devil court..

When lucifer heard the news he laughed and said, "where does the fool think he's gonna find a lawyer".

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Gangster School

BIG G: Little G, give me an example of what you would say to intimidate a fool.

Little G: I would say "Don't fuck with me fool, I am your worst girly horse in the dark."

BIG G: Close Little G, but try "nightmare" next time.

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I've always wanted to fool around with another guy...

But I guess I'm not cocky enough. Or maybe I just haven't found the balls to do it.

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Someone told me I am an imperfect fool.

I feel more like a complete idiot.

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Wife asks the husband, who's the fool - you or me?

The husband calmly replies, while sipping his coffee, "honey, everyone knows you are way too smart to marry a fool"

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Wife and husband, who's the fool - you or me?

The husband calmly replies, while sipping his coffee, honey, everyone knows you are way too smart to marry a fool.

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I fell asleep in math class and the teacher caught me and tried to make a fool out of me,

Teacher: ‘So you think that you can sleep in my class, we’ll answer this! What is 1 + 1?

Student thinks that she can fool him with such a easy question!

Student: ‘ It’s obvious, “1 + 1 = “ window!!!

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They say a lawyer who represents himself has a fool for a client

Which worked out pretty good because that was going to be my defense.

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A son tells his Christian father that he knows Santa is not real..

“Why do you think this?” his father asked.

“Well.. I’ve been talking with other kids at school. It seems impossible that Santa can watch me all the time to know if I’m naughty or nice” he said.

“Santa is magical and all seeing - you haven’t given him a reason to give you coal this year, have you?”


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A Christians son tells his father that he knows Santa is not real..

“Why do you think this?” his father asked.

“Well.. I’ve been talking with other kids at school. It seems impossible that Santa can watch me all the time to know if I’m naughty or nice” he said.

“Santa is magical and all seeing - you haven’t given him a reason to give you coal this year, have you?”


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A newfie was walking up the wharf with a small lobster in each hand.

He was half way up to his truck when he saw a fishery officer approaching him.
"Ha we got ya now buddy, that's a $10000 fine in each hand!" exclaimed the officer.
"Naw these aint no ordinary lobsters b'y, dese are me pet lobsters!" George said calmly.
"I takes em for a dip here e'ry day me son."
"I pops em in, and when I&


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