TSA workers aren't showing up and I'm flying tonight..
.. I'll just have to fondle my balls myself and throw away some toothpaste afterwards I guess.
I'm paying a man to fondle my balls today
But at least my insurance will cover it
Putin's bodyguard saves his boss from an attack by an angry pensioner. For reward, and as a token of Putin's gratitude, he gets an apartment in Trump Tower.
Upon returning from New York to Moscow, his colleagues ask him "what was it like".
Oh, it was wonderful he said. The view is magnificent, you can really see the city and you can barely hear the tra
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but...
Abstinence makes the dick go "fondle her!"
Why do certain people repeatedly fondle strangers?
They truly believe that there's nothing in life they can't handle.
Wife: why do you always fondle my bum?
Husband: you know how I have terrible memory?
Wife: yes, you never remember anything i say!
Husband: well, whilst you are talking I have to constantly remind myself why I stay married to you.
A woman walks in to a gynecologists office...
He looks at her and all of his professionalism goes out the window cuz she was sooo sexy. He asks her to undress and he then proceeds to touch her up on the inside of her legs.
- Do you know what I'm doing?' - he asks her.
- Yes, you are checking for any broken or damaged skin.
- Yes, - he replies.
He then begins to fondle her tits.
A German diva I took home with me turned out to be a transsexual.
When I took off her pants and saw she had a penis, I recoiled. "Vat is ze problem?" she said.
I stammered that there had been a miscommunication, that I didn't want to touch her dick, that I wouldn't even know what to do with it if I tried. I was still a fan of everything above the waist, so I awkwardly tried to fondle her boobs as some sort of weird compensation.
Whats the difference between a mosquito and a woman ?
You don´t have to fondle the mosquito´s head while it sucks
One fine lady
A woman walks in to a gynecologists office. he looks at her and all of his professionalism goes out the window cuz she is fiiiiiine. He asks her to undress and he then proceeds to touch her up on the inside of her legs. ’do you know what I'm doing?’ he asks her. ’Yes your checking for any broken or damaged skin.’ ’yes’ he replies. he then begins to fondle h