Flock

Jokes

A memer asks his sister: "what's the difference between a lock and a flock"

His sister: "I have no idea"

The memer: "F"

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Man 1: "driving down a highway" check out that flock of cows!

Man 2: flock?

Man 1: yeah? What's wrong?

Man 2: its herd

Man 1: herd?

Man 2: yeah, herd of cows

Man 1: of course I've heard of cows. Theres a flock of them over there!

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Two fisherman are fishing when a flock of gulls flies over.

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Pirate walks into the bar...

A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible!!"

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit


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A flock of birds walk into a bar, look around, then head for the door.

Bartender says, “Hey, what’s the matter?”

One of the birds says, “oh, it's just that this place looked seedier on the outside.”

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If a flock of geese is a gaggle and a group of lions is a pride, what do you call a family of creepy retards?

The mafia.

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You all are a bunch of sheep. I'm gonna make like a shepherd and...

...get the flock outta here!

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Come on Chicago! It's April and we have heavy freezing snow coming down on us.

In the sky I just watched a flock of geese make a u-turn and head back south.

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A group of birds is called a flock and a group of wolves is called a pack. What is group of people called?

A hell

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Two farmers are standing in a field discussing their work.

“I’m having an issue with my flock of cows,” the first farmer admits.

“Herd of cows,” the second farmer corrects his friend.

“Of course I’ve heard of cows,” the first farmer barks, “I’ve got a whole flock of them!”

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A farmer has 895 sheep.

Realising that this is quite a lot of sheep for one farm, and Jess the sheepdog is getting a bit old, he decides he'll probably need a new dog- no, a whole team of dogs- to round so many sheep up.

So the next day, the farmer goes to the pet store. He looks around at the various herding dogs- they seem very fit, but young and untrained. The shopkeeper asks the farmer if he wants a


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Big bird's flock rejected him because of how tall he was...

He was ostrich-sized.

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A flock of seagulls wanted to fly to Iran...

..but Iran so far away!

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I was attacked by a gang of flying nuns...

It was a real Cloister Flock!

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I was studying abroad in the Middle East, when a flock of seagulls attacked

Iran so far away.. ‘Couldn’t get away

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After feeling like he's being followed by a flock of ducks for years, a spanish man finally decides to lose them by jumping in front of a train...

I guess you could say it was quite a loco motive.

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A pirate with a peg leg, hook, and eyepatch walk into a pub.

Barkeep: What the hell happened to you!?

Pirate: Well, I lost my leg from a cannon ball in a battle. Then my hand got caught on the anchor chain and ripped it off.

Barkeep: What about your eye?

Pirate: One day out at sea I saw a flock of seagulls. When I looked up, one of them shit in my eye!

Barkeep: Surely you didn’t lose your eye from


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Where do twitter users go for a bite to eat?

They flock to "Chitweetos"




- fun fact: First post here and my girlfriend flew at me for attempting. But here it is.

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Gay Jimmy the herder

Gay Jimmy had been a farmer for almost 30 years.

One day, he had his herds prepared but saw that his german shepherd dog had died in his sleep. Although he was heartbroken, he had to continue his job.

He went to the store to buy a new German shepherd, and immediately liked one which exactly looked like his previous dog.

"Aight my fella, this dawg is grea


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Gau Jimmy the herder

Gay Jimmy had been a farmer for almost 30 years.

One day, he had his herds prepared but saw that his german shepherd dog had died in his sleep. Although he was heartbroken, he had to continue his job.

He went to the store to buy a new German shepherd, and immediately liked one which exactly looked like his previous dog.

"Aight my fella, this dawg is grea


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I'm driving down the highway with my friend in the passenger seat...

At one point, we pass some cow pastures, and my friend points and says, "Hey dude, check out that flock of cows over there!"

So I tell him, "Y'know it's a 'herd' of cows?"

And he says, "Heard of cows! Of course I have! There's a whole flock of 'em right there!


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Why do rich people flock to Silicon Valley?

Whoops, I was thinking of the space between Kim Kardashian's tits

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Lets make like a shepherd

and get the flock out of here!

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A flock of crows flew beak-first into window at horrifying speeds.

Experts suggest it was a murder suicide.

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Birds of a feather flock together

Alright, but who’s the sick bastard who sewed 3 pigeons together so they would have the same feather?

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A farmer has 895 sheep.

Realising that this is quite a lot of sheep for one farm, and Jess the sheepdog is getting a bit old, he decides he'll probably need a new dog- no, a whole team of dogs- to round so many sheep up.

So the next day, the farmer goes to the pet store. He looks around at the various herding dogs- they seem very fit, but young and untrained. The shopkeeper asks the farmer if he wants a


read more
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A farmer has 895 sheep.

Realising that this is quite a lot of sheep for one farm, and Jess the sheepdog is getting a bit old, he decides he'll probably need a new dog- no, a whole team of dogs- to round so many sheep up.

So the next day, the farmer goes to the pet store. He looks around at the various herding dogs- they seem very fit, but young and untrained. The shopkeeper asks the farmer if he wants a


read more
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There was a German Shepherd shitting on my lawn

I told the bastard to fuck off, and his flock of sheep, and his sheepdog too.

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What did a flock of seagulls say when they realized it would take them a long time to fly to the Middle East?

Iran, Iran so far away

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I released a flock of birds at my friend's wedding, just like they asked, but now they aren't speaking to me.

How was i supposed to know ostriches weren't an acceptable choice?

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A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a
brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a
young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie,
leaned out the window and asked the shepherd... "If I tell you exactly how
many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd


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What do you call a flock of crows eyeing a cake?

A tempted murder.

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I wanted to go see A Flock of Seagulls performing live in the middle-east

But Iran so far away.

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If you call a group of cattle a herd, and a group of goats a flock, what do you call a group of men?

A threat.

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Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer dead at 53

Over Barcelona today, the famed reindeer was hit by a flock of seagulls and a 747.

Eyewitnesses report...that the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.

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A blonde got fed up with all the Blonde jokes......

So she cut her hair short and dyed it black. Bought a snazzy convertible and went driving through the countryside.
On a back country road, she drove up to a large flock of sheep that were slowly crossing the road. As she sat there watching the flock she saw the farmer standing there.
She said “Hey I’ll bet you, if I can guess how many sheep you have in this flock, how about


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The blonde that tried.

A blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair dyed so she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I


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The birds

What did one bird say to the other?

Say man, let's get the flock outta here!

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I really wanna go to the Flock of Seagulls concert in the middle east...

But Iran so far away.

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A flock of geese passes by overhead, in class 'v' formation.

Dad: Do you know why one side of the 'v' is longer than the other?

Son: No, why?

Dad: Because it has more geese.

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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Vel-crow

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The Shepherd and the Poodle Long

A shepherd lives alone in a remote cabin with his small flock of sheep. Every day he brings the sheep out to the field to graze, and every evening he rounds them up and brings them back to their pen. His sheep are healthy, and he takes good care of them. Over time, lambs are born and his flock grows larger and larger, and it becomes more work for him to round them up in the evening. He decides he


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My (blonde) sister hates blonde jokes. I (redhead) told her I have a redhead joke for her. She was eager to hear it!

A redhead goes for a drive through the country, just enjoying the peaceful ride with her windows open. She has to stop as a shepherd is moving his flock across the road. The redhead gets out of her car to stretch and has an idea.

"Hey Mister! If I can guess how many sheep you have, may I keep one?"

The shepherd has hundreds of sheep and feels confident enough to


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Did you hear about the giant flock of crows who attacked and killed hundreds of people in a church during the sermon?

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Why couldnt the flock of seagulls get to the Middle East?

Because Iran so far away

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How is a flock of geese like an airplane full of encyclopedias?

They're flying in-formation.

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What do you call a flock of South American birds?

[deleted]

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So the cowboy goes out to seek his fortune on the frontier of the old West

So the cowboy goes out to seek his fortune on the frontier of the old West.

He finally settles on a ranching town near the very edge of civilization.

So near, in fact, that there aren't any women to be found for love nor

money. Well, he's young and full of hormones, and after a month, he starts

getting randy, so he goes to the saloon to


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Q: What did one shepherd say to the other shepherd when he saw a wolf approaching?

A: “Let’s get the flock outta here!”

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A pirate walked into a bar

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said : 'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while.

What happened? You look terrible.'

'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'

Bartender: 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'

Pirate: 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit


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