Flea

Jokes

A flea and a tick are hanging out on a lion's pussy... (stupid)

Tick: "jesus christ bub, ain't she wicked humid today"

Flea: "I can tell you're not from around these parts."

Tick: "I just moved into a place near the hood, but I was born and raised in Mane."

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How do you make a flea circus?

You start from scratch

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Can a clock make a flea fly?

No, but it can make a tick talk.

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Can a clock make a flea fly?

No, but it can make a tick talk.

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Me: Oh cool, theres a flea market here. Maybe I can find an N64.

My co-worker: *Laughs* “You know they don’t sell guns at the flea market right?”

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An American walks into a flea market in Albania...

...and see's the finest goat they've ever seen.

They're not even hungry, but they ask the stall how much, anyway.

The stall replies, "Ms. Veseli is not for sale".

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Two Fleas meet on a beach in florida

Two fleas are on a laying on a beach in florida

The first flea is who is sunning himself looks to the 2nd and asks

Flea 1- "why are you shivering so bad ?"

Flea 2- "I hitched a ride down here the mustache of a man who rode a motorcycle and it almost froze me to death"

Flea 1- "why would you do that"

F


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How many fleas does it take to change a lightbulb?

At least flea

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A true story.

Two little fleas... They meet at a bar in Florida. They vacation together all the time. One year, the second little flea arrives, and he's freezing, freezing cold. And he says, "Ooh, ooh, I was just zooming down from Jersey in the mustache of some guy on a motorcycle, and I am frozen!" And the first flea says, "Well, that is no way to come down to Florida. Here's what you


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An asthmatic flea gets assigned a new job position

They assign her to work on Jack's moustache.

She goes to work one day, then the next, but after a while she can't take it anymore and goes to complain to her boss.

"You know," - she says. - "I love the job and all, but I have asthma and Jack is a smoker, so I can't work there anymore."

So, the boss decides to assign her a ne


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What kind of guns do you find at the flea marketswap meet?

Bar-guns

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What's the difference between a coyote and a flea?

One howls on the prairie and the other prowls on the hairy

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2 fleas meet in the city...

One of them is coughing hard and seems to be really sick.
The other one asks: "what the F happened to you?"
The other replies: "I did something stupid. I crawled into the mustache of a biker. Shit got cold quickly and now I'm stuck with the flu."

"Man that sucks, but I know something you can do. Get in between the legs of a human female. Th


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Two fleas meet...

One of them is round, healthy and clean the other is skinny, sick and very dirty. The clean one asks the dirty one “Why are you so skinny and dirty?” and he replies “Because I live in a bikers beard. All day I have alcohol and tabaco smoke... it’s awful. What about you? How come you are so fat an healthy?”, to which the other flea replies “Well I live near a wom


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Q. Whats the difference between a dog, a flea and a lollypop?



A. A dog can have fleas, but a flea cant have dogs, LOL.

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Theory of Jumping Fleas

A lunatic asylum inmate amused himself by placing the pet flea on his left hand and on the command "Jump, Freddie, jump", the insect would leap to his right hand.

This game helped the poor man to pass away the mindless hours but one day he produced a tiny pair of scissors and proceeded to cut off Freddie the Flea's legs. He then placed his truncated pet on his hand and


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Two fleas had an arrangement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation. Last year, when one flea gets to Miami, he is shivering and shaking. The other flea asked him, Why are shaking so badly?



The first flea says, “I rode down here from New Jersey in the mustache of a guy on a Harley.”

The other flea says, “That’s the worst way to travel. Do what I do. Go to the New Jersey airport bar. Have a few drinks. While there, look for a nice stewardess, crawl up her leg and nestle in where it’s warm and cozy. It’s the best way to tra


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How do you make a flea circus?

You have to start from scratch

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How do you start a fly race?

1.. 2.. flea!

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A scientist was experimenting on a flea.

He put the flea on the table told him to jump and the flea jumped. Then he took him and cut of his legs and told him to jump again but the flea didn't move.

After seeing this the scientist concluded in his notes "After you cut a fleas legs he can't hear anymore."

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Ultimate Conceit

Ultimate Conceit

While making love to and elephant a flea whispers "Did I hurt you baby"

The same flea arroused floats down a river on this back yelling RAISE THE DRAW BRIDGE !!! RAISE THE DRAW BRIDGE !!!

Credit to my Father \(RIP\) and who he may have heard the joke from

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What's the difference between Flea and Trump?

One's a Rich-ass Bassist....

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The blob.

A child in class, when asked to draw a picture of the Holy Family, produced a picture in which Mary and the baby sat on a recognisably donkeyish steed, led by Joseph. on the ground nearby lay a black blob. 

"What is that?" asked the teacher. "The flea," answered the artist. 

"What flea, dear?" asked the puzzled teacher. 


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What's the best place to buy a bass guitar?

A Flea market.

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Two fleas (NSFW)

Two fleas had an arrangement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation. Last year, when one flea gets to Miami he is shivering and shaking.

The other flea asked him, "Why are shaking so badly?"

The first flea says, "I rode down here from New Jersey in the moustache of a guy on a Harley."

The other flea says, "That's the worst


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There was a flea who was feeling a little overworked . . .

So, on a friend's advice he went to the travel agency to book himself a vacation.
"What you got to cheer me up?" He asked of the travel agent.
"Sir, I have just the thing" replied the travel agent, "four days on Kim Kardashian's cunt. Never a dull moment there I'm sure!"

"I'll take it!" exclaimed the flea.
S


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Avicii was offered to collaborate with Eric Clapton, Questlove, Flea, and Jay-Z

But he passed

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Where do insects go for a prostate exam?

A flea bottomist.

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It was just another day in the jungle, and the little tailor store was open as usual.

*ting a-ling-ting* The door jingles open and in walks a flea, a spider and a rat.

They all ask to be measured up and fitted for suits.

"Step this way", says the tailor and begins measuring up the flea with his tiny teeny tape measure.

"You're pretty fat for a flea", he says, as he finishes his measurements.

The flea st


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Why are flea markets the most exciting shopping experience?

Because they are in tents.

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Whats the difference between a coyote and a flea?

One Howls in the prairie, the other prowls in the hairies.

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So a physic has a booth at a flea market

No one goes to his booth...

I don't feel bad though because he should have been able to tell if people would actually come.

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What did one flea say to another flea?

Should we walk or take a dog.

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A Emperor is looking for a ninja bodyguard...

He asks his servants to announce a tournament to find the best ninja in the world. The day of the tournament comes and thousands of ninjas show up to compete. Finally at the end of a long day only three remain. These final three were escorted to the emperor's grand hall to perform one skill to prove they were the best.

Oddly each of the final three ninja's were of different


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Every year two fleas travel south to Florida.

They always travel by riding on the mustache of a biker and are nearly frozen by the time they get there. One year only one of the fleas makes it onto the mustache. When the first flea sees the other in Florida he says hey, how did you get down here? I didn't see you on the mustache. The second flea says, well this year I decided I was sick of being cold so I climbed up a woman's leg and


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What did the Flea say to the other Flea who was being mean?

[deleted]

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A flea walks down the beach...

..he see's another flea laying in the sand; frozen and shivering.
"Oh buddy," he said. "What happened?"

"Ww-wWell I wW-Wwas riding in somMMe guy's mustache, and he r-r-rode a moMotorcycle all the way to the beach. I'm frFReezing!."

The other flea took pity on him and gave him some advice.

"Look man, yo


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What do you get when you cross a flea with a rooster?

An itchy cock.

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The flea and the biker's beard

A flea walks into a bar, shivering and sneezing. The curious bartender asks the flea whats the matter.
Flea: "I hitched a ride here in biker's beard. That motorcycle ride must be the coldest trip I ever had."
The bartender decides to give the flea some advice.
Bartender: "Next time seek out the patch of hair between a woman's legs. Should be warm and cozy


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Life has been found on Pluto.

Mickey Mouse bought him a flea collar. Boom boom.

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A flea goes into a travel agency...

a flea goes into a travel agency and says, “oh i’ve been working so hard for the last few years, i really need a holiday.”

travel agent asks, “what kinda holiday were you in the market for?”

flea says, “i want to go somewhere bright and sunny, somewhere that i can just relax and enjoy myself, don’t want to worry about anything.&rd


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Did you hear about the dog who went to the flea circus?

He stole the show.

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Saw an offer up at a pet shop selling unwashed dogs

'Buy one get one flea'

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Two fleas on vacation

Two fleas had an arrangement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation. Last year, when one flea gets to Miami he is shivering and shaking.

The other flea asked him, "Why are shaking so badly?"

The first flea says, "I rode down here from New Jersey in the moustache of a guy on a Harley."

The other flea says, "That's the worst


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What's the difference between a flea, an elephant, and a pot of glue?

A flea can hop on an elephants back, but an elephant can't hop on a fleas back

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A Chinese Emperor is looking for a ninja bodyguard...

He asks his servants to announce a tournament to find the best ninja in the world. The day of the tournament comes and thousands of ninjas show up to compete. Finally at the end of a long day only three remain. These final three were escorted to the emperor's grand hall to perform one skill to prove they were the best.

Oddly each of the final three ninja's were of different


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Flea jump test

A group of scientists decide to investigate how high a flea can jump in relationship to how many legs it has (6 legs to begin with).

They put the flea on a desk and said 'jump!' The flea jumped 6 feet in the air. The scientists noted: "the flea currently has 6 legs and jumped 6 feet."

The scientists then removed the front two legs from the flea, put it


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Two Fleas on Vacation (nsfw)

Two fleas had an arrangement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation. Last year, when one flea gets to Miami he is shivering and shaking.

The other flea asked him, "Why are shaking so badly?"

The first flea says, "I rode down here from New Jersey in the moustache of a guy on a Harley."

The other flea says, "That's the worst


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What's the difference between a coyote and a flea?

One howls on the prairie; the other prowls on the hairy.

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How do you build a flea circus?

You have to start from scratch.

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