Flashing

Jokes

A man was arrested for flashing people on a beach

He was later charged with assault using a dead weapon.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I'll never forget the day I was born. All those flashing lights and unfamiliar faces.

I don't think my parents should've taken me to a nightclub at that age.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until

they are flashing behind you.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a dude flashing his dick in public?

Pubic nuisance

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What goes "Vroom! Screech! Vroom! Screech! Vroom! Screech!"?

A blonde at an intersection with a flashing red light

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Its funny how red white and blue represent freedom,

Until they are flashing behind you.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

There's no reason to tailgate me when I'm doing 160

and those flashing lights on your car look ridiculous

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

One day, a Man was filling his gas tank at a Gas Station

he filled the tank so full that gasoline got on his shirt sleeve; unaware that there was gasoline on his sleeve, he lit a cigarette and his sleeve caught fire, so he jumped into his car, waved his arm up and down in an effort to put out the flames. He looked into his rear view mirror and saw red, white and blue lights flashing and heard a police siren; the Policeman pulled him over, got out of hi


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Policeman: Why didnt you stop immediately when you saw my flashing lights?

Me: Well officer, you see my ex-wife ran off with a cop and I thought you were trying to give her back.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did the tired man who was flashing people say to the police?

I’m all petered out.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

It's ironic that in America, red white and blue stands for freedom...

... unless they're flashing behind you.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Woman: (flashing diamond ring) Look what happened last weeeeek!

Friend: “OMG really?!??!”

Woman: “That’s riiight,” she continues waving the ring around. “Grandma diiiiied.”

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Saw a road sign flashing Dont speed, its a highway, not a speedway...

...well, in that case #420

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

In a very large commercial building there were three stores owned and run by three different businessmen.

The businessman who had his store at one end of the building put up a sign that read "Year End Clearance Sale".
At the far end of the building, not to be outdone, the other businessman put up a sign that read "Closing Out Sale".
The businessman who ran the store in the middle got nervous. He was afraid that his business would certainly be hurt due to the two big sig


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why did the gay guy cross the road?

Because the green man was flashing

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did the women say to the tattoo artist before flashing him?

Tit for tat?

(I'm sorry in advance. No more internet for me today)

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

An epileptic has started waking himself each morning with flashing lights...

He says it’s part of his new plan to seize the day.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why did the pub owner get arrested for flashing the band?

He wanted to pay them in exposure.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I don't know why you have to tailgate me when I'm already going 55 in a 35. And by the way, for the record

Those flashing lights on top of your car look ridiculous.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Brett Kavanaugh couldn't be convicted in court of accusations of sexual misconduct, flashing someone at a party.

It was a hung jury.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Do you know why modern telephones have a flashing light on it?

So deff people know when the phones ringing...

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A pickle walks into a bar

A pickle walks into a bar with a new friend and immediately gets swarmed by patrons, flashing pictures and asking for an autograph.

The friend looks at the pickle and says “what the heck is this all about?”

The pickle looks back and says “yeah, I’m kind of a big dill”

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

They say red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom.

Until they start flashing behind you.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

There's no reason to be tailgating me when I'm doing 50 in a 35...

...and those flashing lights on your car look stupid.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why do police cars have sirens and flashing lights?

So the deaf drivers can see them and the blind drivers can hear them.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man tries buying a car

A man sees a used car for sale, he asks the seller about the car, and is pleased to discover that it is in perfect condition.

"What does this button do"

the man asks,

"Well, that button there will get you out of any problem, just press it and it will do the rest"

*"brilliant"* the man thinks to himself, and for only


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Whenever I'm out in public flashing my money, women approach me all the time!

I'd wish they would work on their pick up lines though, 90% of women start off by saying "Spare some change?"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A cop pulls over a speeding driver...

"Do you know why I pulled the over?" The cop asks the driver. The driver responds: "yeah I was going a little fast there." The cop nods and says "well I'm in a good mood today so if you give me a good reason for why you're speeding, I'll let you go ." The man thinks for a second and then says: "my wife ran off with a cop a few weeks ago, and when I


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Life

Today was so scary, i saw my life flashing before me. I turn my head right and i saw it flash before me. I don't know who i should blame, the bus driver for driving to fast, or the homeowner of the trash can who left his trash can out just to scare me

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I told my friend his wife could be an escort in the right attire.

"Really?" He said, "you think so?"
"Yeah of course" I said,
"a yellow flashing light and a WIDE LOAD sign would really suit her."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A Calculus student is stuck in traffic...

After waiting 20 minutes with little movement, he decides to catch up on his homework. 5 Minutes in, he feels thirsty and realizes he has an unopened bottle of Coke in his backpack. He takes it out and opens it. However, as soon as he takes his first sip, a nearby police car start flashing it's lights and orders him to pull over to the side. When the cop reaches his car, the student asks:


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

To the guy who's been tailgating me for the last half hour: Fuck you.

I'm already doing 20 mph over the speed limit.

 

Oh, and turn off those flashing lights on your roof, you look ridiculous.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man was caught flashing people with a flashlight tied to his dick.

He was charged with multiple counts of indecent exposure.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My female friend always gets ink done for free by flashing the tattoo artists...

Come to think of it, she has always been a tit for tat kind of person.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What goes Vrrrooom-schreech, Vrrrooom-schreech, Vrrrooom-schreech?

A blonde at a flashing red light.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What goes vroom rrt... vroom rrt... vroom rrt...

A blond at a flashing red light.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Drivers Education Exam Answers

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?

A: The pick-up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?

A: Your steering wheel.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a fl


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick-up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your steering wheel.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Getting tired of these people who come to my door, telling me I'm gonna burn unless I'm saved...

The flashing lights on their trucks were pretty cool to see, though.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom...

...until they are flashing behind you.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

There's no reason to be tailgating me when I'm doing 50 in a 35.

And those flashing lights on top of your car looks ridiculous!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Red, White and Blue represent freedom

until you see them flashing behind your car.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Three little old ladies are sitting at a bus stop...

...when suddenly a man in a trench coat runs up to them and tears open the coat, flashing them his manly parts.

Two of the little old ladies immediately have a stroke.

The third couldn't quite reach.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Man I hate tailgaters

I was doing 35 over the limit today and the idiot behind me was still tailgating



and the flashing lights on his car looked stupid too

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Red, White, and Blue are the colors of Freedom...

... Until they're flashing behind your car.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

There's no reason to be tailgating me when I'm doing 50 in a 35...

...and those flashing lights on your car look stupid.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

It's funny how red, white, and blue represent freedom

Until they're flashing behind you

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Russians car broke down

Russian guy was in a hurry to work and driving his trusty Zaporozec, when against all odds the engine died. So he was waving on the side of the road when all of a sudden passing Mercedes stops. Mercedes owner helps him out to tow the car. While Mercedes owner is towing he starts to step on an gas pedal a little bit. Zaporozec owner starts flashing lights and giving signal so he wouldn't go th


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Racing Nano!

A Nano breaks down on a roadside.

A BMW stops to help the driver.

"I will tow you to the next service station, but if I drive too fast please flash your lights"

They start up slowly but only a km or so down the line a Porsche speeds past 150km/h.

The BMW driver totally forgets about the nano & guns it after the Porsche.


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a monkey who had a fit from flashing lights?

An apeileptic

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE
LOAD MORE