Flash

Jokes

Unsolicited dick picks have a silver lining

If the flash is on

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When the guy who invented the USB flash drive dies,

they are going to put his coffin in the ground, lift it back up and turn it over, then put it back into the ground.

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A pun walks into a bar, ten people died on the spot.

NEWS FLASH; Pun in, ten dead.

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A man exposed himself to me in the park and wrapped up my friend in his trench coat!

He was gone in a flash!

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LPT: Always read product reviews before buying electronics

Like a lot of people, I’ve been drawn in by Amazon to check out their prime day deals. I was browsing through the electronics earlier, looking for a new flash drive for transferring documents between my home and work computers. The primary one I use currently is only USB 2.0 and I figured it might be a good time to upgrade it. Came across what looked to be a really good deal on a 128GB SanD


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How do you start a disabled rave

Throw a flash bomb in a room full of kids with epilepsy

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If the Mafia took over the Paparazzi

it would be a flash mob.

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The TV's Flash is superior to the movie's Flash. You could even go so far as to say that Grant Gustin is...

better than Ezra.

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The inventor of USB has sadly died.

His life was over in a flash.

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I just had a near sex experience.

I saw my wife flash before my eyes.

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What's the Flash' computer password?

1barry1

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What Is Hitlers Favorite Song?

Jumpin’ Jack Flash

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There was once a guy who's life was really dull, nothing happened to him...

...one day he was hit by a truck and in his last seconds of life he saw all of the most important moments of his life in a flash, and fell asleep out of boredom.

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If the Flash dies...

Will they have to Barry Allen?

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Why didnt The Flash get any dates?

Because he’s known as the fastest man alive.

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I've never seen someone look so dashing...except for when I say The Flash.

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Dont you hate it when youre trying to take a picture secretly but the flash is on?

I went to take a picture of the girl I just fucked, but the flash turned on and they told me photography was banned at the zoo

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A guy was walking down a road.

Soon, he came across a house, with a woman trying, in vain, to move a rather large new refrigerator through her rather narrow front door.

As he was in no particular hurry, he offered to help, and the woman gladly accepted his offer, albeit with some scepticism, for she now saw that there was no way in hell that her new fridge would fit through.

Immediately, the man whi


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A man is driving to work when he notices the flash of a traffic camera.

He figures that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knows that he wasn’t speeding. Just to be sure, he circles the block and passes the exact same spot, driving even slower this time through. Again, the camera flashes. He thinks it is hilarious, since he was obviously doing nothing wrong, so he drives even slower as he passes through the light for a third time.


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A man is walking down a beach when he spots a bottle with a cork in it.

He opens the bottle and out comes a genie. The genie is grateful to be out of the bottle and offers the man three wishes to be granted.

The man first wishes for a billion dollars in an offshore Swiss bank account. There's a flash of light and in his hand is a receipt for a billion dollars in a Swiss account.

Next he wishes for a brand new red Ferrari. Another flash


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What do you called when 2 lamps have sex?

A Flash-bang

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In the words of Hellen Keller

At least I’m immune to flash bangs.

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Playing fetch with grenades

So I played fetch with my dog using a flash bang, I got sued by PETA.

Then I played fetch with my dog using a frag grenade, and I got offered a job from PETA.

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The Flash

My friend: I got the flash’s phone number!

Me: Well I guess speed dial has a whole new meaning

My friend: STOP!

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How do clowns store files?

They store them on a flash drive with 32 gigglebytes of space.

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OG Rolling Stones Joke

I was on another forum, the comments section of a political site. Somebody was talking about how the Rolling Stones still got it despite having gotten a lot older. So people were making up humorous OG-version Stones song titles, like "Limping Jack Flash" and "Gimme Fiber."


And then somebody said it:

>!"Hey! You! Get Offa My Lawn!&quo


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What is it called when Barry Allen commandeers a car.

A Flash Drive
I don’t know if it’s that good..

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The robot stabbing

What's the robot equivalent of a poisoned dagger?

​

A flash drive with a computer virus.

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How did Captain Cold make the Flash shrink with his freeze gun?

The Flash was naked.

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If someone likes showing off there bodies for short amounts of time can you say they have a

Flash drive?

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Who is faster? Superman or the flash?

Umm. The cameraman?...

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After lights-out in a mental hospital ,a pacient turns on a flash light .

"_What are you doing ?_" asks his room mate ?

"_I'm cheeking to see if there is any light left on_"


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A tattoo parlour in my neighborhood is offering a free tattoo to anyone who would flash their boobs.

It’s their Tit for Tat special.

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MIB took my pony

I had a dream that I was at a family party. There was a pony at the party and everyone was loving it. I wanted to ride it but nobody in my family would let me. Later on in the dream the pony and I are outside and I am about to get on it. Out of seemingly nowhere a man in a black suit and sunglasses came out to tell me I wasn’t allowed to have the pony then asked me if he could take my pictur


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The creator of the USB flash drive died today.

He was lowered into his coffin, flipped over, and then lowered again.

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What superhero would be the the best stripper?

The Flash

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A positron an electron and a neturino walk into a bar.

After a while neturino goes to the bathroom to tinkle.

The positron and eletron get into a fight over who pays the bill. The eletron throws a punch and soon there is a flash of light.

The neturino rushes back and asks "What did I miss?"

"Everything" replies the bartender.

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What is Bill Cosby's favorite type of grenade?

A Flash Bang.

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I'm not sure if this is too dark

An African American and a white American are at a urinal, when suddenly an angel appears in front of them. The angel offers them each one of two gifts, either unmatched beauty or wisdom equal to living an extra 100 years. The AA immediately requests the beauty, and with a flash is transformed immediately into the handsomest man the white guy has ever seen. Thinking to play it safe, the guy asks fo


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A poor old lady was forced to sell her valuables to avoid eviction.

As she rummaged through her dusty belongings, she came across a dull copper kettle. Intrigued by it’s possible value the old woman dusted it off and BAM! A genie erupted from its neck.

The genie says “I have seen your plights, and will grant you three wishes.”

The woman, astounded, thinks for a moment and says “age has taken its toll on me. I wis


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What do you get when you cross Barry Allen and a trench coat?

The Flash.

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Two witches were arguing about who was the better witch

One rainy day inside the coven HQ, Meredith and Wendy were arguing about who was the better witch.

"I'm the superior spellcaster", boasted Meredith. She raised her wand into the air, and conjured up a small cloud. It snowed over Wendy's head, dropping hailstones the size of marbles.

"Oh yeah?" Retorted Wendy as she shook out her hat and saun


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The tattoo parlor in my neighborhood is offering free tattoos to anyone who would flash their boobs.

Tit for tat.

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I went to my doctor the other day.

I told her, "How about I begin from the top? This is a bit of a strange story?" She nods, and I began.

"The other day, my wife and I were in a mysterious location. My wife, being the kinky person she is, recommended that we go inside to the middle and have sex right on a mysterious mound. About ten minutes into it, a crash of thunder strikes, and a spirit appears right


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Superman walks into a bar with Batman, the Flash, Wonder Woman and Aquaman

He walk up to the bar and orders 5 whiskeys on the rocks.
“Would you like any coke or a slice of lemon in those?” asks the barmaid.
“No thanks,” says Superman, “we’re the just ice league!”.

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Barry Allen (the Flash) wanted to have an herb garden, but decided against it.

I mean, he really shouldn't be travelling through thyme...

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Why did the bar owner flash the band after their last set?

To pay them with exposure.

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Not to brag, but I've been described as a superhero in the bedroom.

The Flash.

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The wife's mad that I went out and showed random people my genitals, but I'm so confused.

She wasn't upset when I said I'd be back in a flash.

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There was a man...

There was a man whom lived in a city by the sea, he had never met a white person before. He had wished to see one before he died, and his wish was granted. On August 9th, 1945 he met his first and last white man in a flash. His name was FatMan.

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