Filthy

Jokes

A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off.

A filthy tramp wandering by, stopped and said, "Look, since you'll be dead in a few minutes, and it won't matter to you, how about a little sex before you jump?"

She screamed, "No! Go away you filthy old bastard!"

He shrugged and turned away saying, "Okay, I'll just go and wait at the bottom."

She didn't


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Suicide Prevention

A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off.

A filthy man wandering by stopped and said, “Look, since you’ll be dead in a few minutes, and it won’t matter to you, how about a little sex before you go?”

She screamed, “NO! Bug off you filthy old bastard!”

He shrugged and turned away sa


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

There's a man waiting for the bus..

As the bus arrives he hops on and sits right next to this lady who he asks her "hey sexy wanna bang?".
She replies "I'm a nun you filthy pig" as she jumps off the next stop.
When the man is about to hop off the bus the busdriver turns around to him asking:
Busdriver: You want to fuck that nun?
Man: Of course.
Busdriver: Ok heres the deal, on


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What does an ethiopian child and a filthy rich, fat and successful adult have in common?

Filthy

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Wife threatened to leave me

My wife threatened to leave me because of my “filthy and disgusting habits.”

I was so shocked I nearly choked on my toenails.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Wanna know how rich garbage men are?

filthy

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you say to a person dressed in a filthy cow costume?

Discowstink

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The other day i saw Michael Jackson rolling down a hill

Filthy nonse

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A 17 year old girl turns 18 tomorrow

Surprised you clicked you filthy fucker.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I hate racism

The only thing that I hate more than racism is those filthy Asians.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Wife and Husband in a luxury hotel on a dinner

While they were eating, Wife drops some sauce on her dress...
Wife: oh look at me, I am all like a filthy animal!
Husband: yeah, plus you got that stain on your dress now, smh.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My wife threatened to leave me

Because of my ‘filthy and disgusting habits’. I was so shocked I nearly choked on my toenails.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A customer asks to see the manager of the restaurant where hes eating dinner.

“This place is filthy,” the man says to the manager.

“That’s outrageous!” exclaims the manager. “You could eat your dinner off our dining room floor!”

“That’s my issue,” says the customer. “It looks like someone already has.”

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

An elderly man stopped my eight year old in the park.

An elderly man stopped my 8 year old at the park. He had been watching him play and pulled him aside to question him.

He said, "I can't believe what you're doing! You're running around, eating candy bars with filthy hands, and then jumping off the monkey bars, you are gonna get seriously injured!"

My son thought about what he said for a moment.


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A Nun walks into a bar, looking like she hasn't washed in weeks.

She leans up against the bar, clothes all covered in dirt, stinking to high heaven, and lights up a cigerette.

The barman says, "You know, thats a filthy habbit Sister!"

"I know, I know", she replies, "but I haven't got anything else to wear."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Lobster with Tits!

What’s the difference between a 🦞 lobster with tits and a filthy bus terminal station 🚉 ?

One is a busty crustacean and the other, a crusty bus station!

Thanks for reading. If you think you will tell this joke in the next 24hrs, I will gladly take karma pts. Otherwise, have a splendid day


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Let him Go!

There once was a man named Juan. Juan worked super hard for his family of four including his oldest daughter Navi. One year on Christmas Eve, Juan is illegally detained. Navi, being his activist daughter immediately rallied her friends. They met in front of the jail on Christmas Day and they all chanted....


Release Navi's Dad!!

Merry Christmas you filthy anim


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How rich are garbagemen?

Filthy.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why did members of the Wu Tang Clan storm out of Danny's Filthy, Aged Seafood?

They didn't like that their fish came with a side of an old, dirty bass turd on the plate.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants and a filthy, old bus stop?

One's a busty crustacean, the other is a crusty bus station!

(pls forgive me if you've heard this one before)

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Whats the difference between a filthy bus terminal and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How could you tell that the nun was forgetting to wash her clothes?

She was in a filthy habit!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What happened to John....

He stepped out of his closet and went back into his closet the second he saw that filthy frank wasnt making videos anymore.

Pewdiepie is keeping him alive somehow with is meme support

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What happened to John....

He stepped out of his closet and went back into his closet the second he saw that filthy frank wasnt making videos anymore.

Pewdiepie is keeping him alive somehow with is meme support

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What happened to John....

He stepped out of his closet and went back into his closet the second he saw that filthy frank wasnt making videos anymore.

Pewdiepie is keeping him alive somehow with is meme support

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Whats a necrophiliacs favourite exercise?

Dead-Lifts. Ba-Dumm Tsssss




I came up with this joke while I was watching filthy frank and H3H3 collaborating on a vid doing would you rather. Honestly I bet this joke was already made by someone else, it’s not that clever.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Vegans who drink water disgust me.

That's a fish's house you filthy Savage.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I saw a Trump supporter in Texas the other day. His clothes were filthy, his hair was messy and he stank of alcohol.

He was in a right state.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I told my future wife that I inherited the family's sewage treatment business.

She said: "you must be filthy rich"

To which I replied: "mostly, except for being rich"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did the Buddhist Indian man say to the Trump Supporter when he told him to go back to his own filthy country?

Namaste

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I walked into a public restroom

and saw a guy staring into a filthy toilet with a quarter at the bottom. He stood there looking conflicted for a minute, then pulled a twenty dollar bill from his wallet and threw it into the toilet. Then he reached into the muck and pulled out the twenty dollar bill and the quarter.

I asked him, "Why on earth would you throw twenty dollars into a filthy toilet?"


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How can you be filthy rich and piss-poor at same time?

Dehydration.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A guy brought his girlfriend back to his parent's house... He had to sleep in his old room with his brother because they have a bunk bed... "But how can we fool around?" "Oh don't worry, I have a great idea babe"

"What do you have in mind?"
"When you want to get it on, just say we're making a sandwich"
So, they have this intense night and in the morning his little brother looks them dead in the eye and tells them "I knew what you were doing!!! I'm telling mom!"
"... What were we doing, Timmy?"
"Gosh, I don't believe it... Y


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How rich are garbage men?

Filthy.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Wife asks her husband to go bowling

She : "Honey do you want to go bowling tonight? We could also stay at home, make it cosy and watch a movie?"

He : "I really don't feel like putting my fingers in holes where everybody has already been with their filthy sweaty fingers.. come on let's go bowling"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

We need a wall on our southern border to keep out the filthy, raping, murdering savages

Keep the Yankees out of our glorious country!

We might be small and weak but at least we are actually a democracy!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If you were a filthy rebel and Admiral Ackbar had to diagnose you after a trist with a tainted Tatooine twatwaffle, what would he say?

IT'S THE CLAP!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why were Stalin's boots always filthy?

He hated the Polish

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The doctor told me that my friend is in stable condition.

The room is filthy and there's horseshit everywhere.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why rabbit crawled into the hole?

He lives there, filthy mind.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Extremely filthy apartment

[deleted]

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Lifes to short

To be a dirty, filthy, soulless pedant!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Suicide Prevention

A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off.
A filthy tramp wandering by stopped and said, “Look, since you’ll be dead in a few minutes, and it won’t matter to you, how about a little sex before you go?”
She screamed, “NO! Bug off you filthy old bastard!”
He shrugged and turned away saying,
&qu


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why do nuns always wear such clean clothes?

Because their mother superiors don't tolerate any filthy habits.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A wife walks in on her husband playing on his PlayStation.

"The house is still filthy! I thought I asked you to sweep the house!" she says.

"I did" replied the husband, "I found no hostiles"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What's the difference between a huge-titted lobster and a filthy bus stop?

One's a busty crustacean the other's a crusty bus station

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man is taking a Rorschach test

The doctor shows him an inkblot, and the man says "That looks like a huge pair of breasts".

The doctor shows him another inkblot, and the man says "That looks like a big thick cock".

The doctor shows him another inkblot, and the man says "That looks like a man fucking a woman in the ass".

At this point the doctor puts the i


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How rich are garbage men?

Filthy.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I was watching the news this morning when the presenter said..

"A man has been arrested after half a million indecent images of children were found at his home in Bradford. Our reporter Gary O'Donoghue has more."

Gary, you filthy bastard.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Forever Late

After 12 years in prison, a man 
finally breaks out. When he 
gets home, filthy and exhausted, 
his wife says, “Where have 
you been? You escaped eight hours ago!”

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE
LOAD MORE