Fever

Jokes

What disease do you catch running in the jungle?

10k Fever.

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Indian fever

I went out with this white girl, and she said, "I'm so glad you asked me out, I actually have Indian fever!". She died from malaria.

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What do you feed a dog with fever?

Mustard. Works well with hot dogs.

Courtesy of an 8 year old I babysit

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What is the positive side of havin a fever of 103.5 degrees?

You're so hot, it hurts.

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I thought my unborn baby might have a fever, so I stuck in a thermometer.

Turns out she was womb-temperature.

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What do you give to a dog with a fever ?

Mustard, it's the best for hot dogs!

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What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog!

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My girlfriend has been having a really hard time with her hay fever and diabetes, so I thought Id get her something nice.

Nothing fancy, just some flowers and chocolates.

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What do you get if you get stung by a group of stingrays?

A fever

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I am the hottest anti-vaxxer.

I'm starting to have a fever. I'll go get the healing crystals and snake oil.

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Why do the reposts have fever?

Because all of them reach hot.

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Woman feels a bit sick and goes to the doc

"I'm afraid you have canary fever," said the doctor. "Canary fever?" replied the patient. "Is that serious?" "Yes," said the doctor. "But it's tweetable."

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Why do chickens often suffer from cabin fever?

Because they are always being cooped up.

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Feist your eyes on complete and utter perfection

What does your body say when you have a fever ?





No homeo

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A desperate gambler...

...is at the end of his tether after a series of bad losses. With his debtors closing in on him, he gathers up what cash he can muster and heads to his doctor. There he asks if he can get vaccinated against malaria, rabies, hepatitis, typhoid, yellow fever, and encephalitis.
"Wow" says the doctor, "Are you some kind of explorer? Where on earth can you be travelling to?"


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What's a sharks least favourite name?

Ned
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So I have my Alexa set up to tell me joke when I say goodnight, last night it told me that joke...and I can't work it out?! I have searched for it online, and other people have searched for it but no one has seemed to find out what it means.

Am I being stupid and missing something obvious? Did I have a half asleep fever-dream and imagine this non-joke?


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You are lying in the hospital thinking that you have got a small fever.

Then the full crew of Avengers comes to visit you.

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What do you call it when an autistic child has a fever?

Mercury Rising.

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Doctor, doctor every time I see inflatable flotation devices, I start to burn up.

Doc: I'm afraid you have dinghy fever.

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How do you give a child a fever?

Ask its parents to hang out on a Friday night.

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If i could cure my fever by using smooth pickup lines...

i would die from a heat stroke in an instant...

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One night I prayed: "I wish I had a hot girl"

then my cousin got a fever

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What is something cannibals would consider as a hot potato?

A guy with a fever.

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People already have the Christmas Fever...

It must be contagious because I was just diagnosed with Tinselitus

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It's strange how getting a fever can alter your perception of balance...

From my point of view the Jedi are evil.

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Sacha Baron Cohen has released a new film about a man that gets hay fever whenever he goes home.

"Allergies In Da House" is coming soon.

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Why do I have a fever?

Because I have been on a long healthy streak.

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My mother in-law has diabetes and hay fever

I like to cheer her up with flowers and chocolate.

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Why did the pirates never have headache or fever?

Because the Parrot's eat them all.

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Why did the pirates never have headache or fever?

Because the Parrot's eat them all.

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What happens when a communist gets a fever?

He becomes rather *sickle*y

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Take the medicines if fever reduces it means they involve fever medicine also.

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Christopher Walken is dying for a new Superman film...

He's got a fever, and the only prescription is more Kal-El.

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Football Fever

My mate has two tickets for the England vs Sweden game on Saturday. He didn't realise that it's going to be on the same day as his wedding, so he can't go. If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St. Andrew's Church in Cambridge and her name is Sarah

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Make sure to check your Tauntaun for a fever in this heat wave.

They should always be Luke warm.

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Why don't you help an accipitridae with a high fever?

Because it's ill-eagle.

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An old Soviet Russian joke pt.2

A Sunday morning at the zoo. Zoo director and his assistant are doing their everyday routine of checking animals and their habitats. Suddenly, director stops next to the cage with a strange, unpleasant smell.

"Why does that tiger in this cage look so ill and miserable?", asks director.

"Well, you see, today is the Sunday, right? We're expecting a lo


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A lady goes to a doctor...

"Doc, I have high fever. Can you give some medications?"

"Just walk in the rain, eat some ice-cream, drink cold-water..."

"What! Will my fever go away then?"

"No, you'll catch Pneumonia. I have the medication for it."

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A guy sits next to a blind man in a bar.

"have you always been blind" he asked.
"oh no, i had a really bad fever one day. It was so bad that you could cook eggs on my forehead."
"So the fever made you go blind?"
"no the eggs went into my eyes."

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What's the Chinese word for "Yellow Fever"?

Fever.

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Sick sportsman

You are having extreme fever, it’s 39,9oC, - says a doctor to a patient, a sportsman.

The sportsman asks painfully: Doc, what’s the world record for it?

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I've got a fever and the only prescription, is more cowbell. That or tamiflu. I'm sick you guys

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My sister's got hay fever, and now she has diabetes.

I tried to cheer her up. You know, the usual. Flowers, chocolates

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I just learned that I've had a fever all day, so no wonder I've been out of it.

[deleted]

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Why did the midget who drove British cars get cabin fever?

He was mini cooped up for to long.

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What fever did Joe Dirt catch on vacation after getting bit by a mosquito?

Deeeeeeeeeeengue

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My girlfriend has a tiny rooster pendant carved from jade. Her kitten somehow swallowed it , got an infection and nearly died from the fever. It's a drag...I mean...'cause I could NOT stop smiling...

She had a rock hard cock in her hot little pussy, after all.

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What do you call a cat with an acute fever?

[deleted]

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"Just the other day, 2 years old, beautiful child went to have the vaccine and came back and a week later got a tremendous fever, got very, very sick, now..."

[deleted]

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Why did the police arrest the eagle with a fever?

It's illegal

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