Feline

Jokes

Q. What do you get if you cover your favourite feline in a mixture of sugar and egg white and throw it out to sea?


A. A cat-a-meringue

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What's the difference between how flour is sifted, a parking citation issued to the leader of the Confederate army and 45 of this nation's pets?

One is generally fine, one is a General Lee fine, and one is generally feline.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did David Hasselhoff say when he went fishing and caught a cat?

I-i-i, I'm hooked on a feline

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Local News: a feline got electroplated by accident

Shouldn't have touched the cathode

I'll see myself out

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Holding a gun in each tentacle, the octopus glared menacingly at the cat. The feline, however, chuckled and purred...

"You're one short, pal."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

So there was this guy who posted a joke on Reddit about their injured cat.

I asked if it was feline okay.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My cat keeps emeowtionally abusing me.

I'm feline like if she keeps it up there's an un-fur-tunate paws-sibility we'll get divorced fur real

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The winner of best feline bottom in show was brutally killed last night. The award is thought to be the murder weapon.

It was a cat ass trophy.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a Feline Witch in the dark arts.






Answer in profile pic :)

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The winner of the best feline bottom in show was brutally murdered last night. The award is thought to be the murder weapon.

It was a cat arse trophy.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Where's the loneliest feline place on the planet?

...Catalonia.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Did you see that feline that was wide-eyed and unresponsive?

I think someone must have gave that cat a tonic!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call the award given to a feline with a nice rump?

A catastrophe

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call an iron cat

A FEline

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a feline that has mounted a sword

Kat-on-a katana

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What is the difference between coconut oil and a feline that scratches too much?

One is a cooking fat and the other is fucking cat

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My parents weren't supposed to know about my feline thieving hobby.

But I guess the cat's out of the bag now.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Which movie is a feline favorite?

The Sound of Mew-sic

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why was the cat happy?

It was feline good...

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I named my cat Boston

he's more than a feline.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do feline submarines have?

Purriscopes.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do feline submarines have?

Purriscopes.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What is a cat's favorite desert?

Feline Pie

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What you call a feline with an extensive knowledge of numbers and statistics?

A "Cat-culator"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Did you guys hear about the build it yourself robot feline?

The kit kat.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

NASA found a dead feline on Mars.

Turns out, Curiosity killed the cat.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If we find a dead feline on mars

We won’t be sure but Curiosity may have killed the cat

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did the stuffed feline order at the bar?

A catatonic.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did the taxadermied feline order from the bar?

A Catatonic.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Did you hear about the "biggest feline butt" award?

It was a huge cat ass trophy.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Did you hear about the "biggest feline butt" award?

It was a huge cat ass trophy.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Did you hear about the best feline butt award?

It's a cat-ass-trophy.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Did you hear about the feline thong award"

It's a cat ass trophy.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

There was a fire at the local feline shelter in my town today.

It was a catastrophe.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Feline Frustrations.

The New York Times recently released a story about the rampant feline abuse that happens at veterinary offices.

Apparently, the cats are starting the #meowtoo movement.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did the feline say when it couldnt believe what was happening?

“You’ve cat to be kitten me right meow.”

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

For the second time this month all the animals in a feline cloning facility were killed

Police are looking for a copycat killer

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

This cat that needs adopting has feline aids.

I didn't even know that was a thing. Now I gotta be even MORE careful when fucking pussies.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The award for Best Feline Behind was a disaster.

...a real cat-ass-trophy.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a feline sitting in a planter?

A cactus.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why did REO Speedwagon have to get rid of their aggressive pet cat?

They couldn't fight this feline anymore.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What's the difference between between the Sine function and a Tropical forest feline ?

While the first oscillates, the second ocelot

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a cat in the path of a swarm of bees?

A feline in a bee line!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If you're not feline well...

You should probably call a purramedic.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

When the Great Feline War broke out, General Fido was asked why the Woofers didn't have any naval presence...

[deleted]

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I was forced to judge the 1st prize winner in a feline twerking contest...

[deleted]

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did Iron Man call his cat?

FeLine

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

News has just come in that The Mars Rover has discovered a member of the feline species while exploring.

Unfortunately, Curiosity killed the cat.

Edit: this is /u/Onetap1's joke, credit goes to him

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The Siberian tiger is the largest species of feline, weighing 900 pounds..

[deleted]

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

There was a rover on Mars

This rover was on Mars, looking for life forms.

Suddenly, it saw a cute odd feline creature. This feline had whiskers and fur, and it meowed a lot.

The rover then got scared and drove over it.

Looks like Curiosity killed the cat.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE
LOAD MORE