Fast

Jokes

Why do Shia muslims open their fast 10 minutes after the Sunni muslims in ramadan?

Because Shia muslims fear that their breakfast (iftar) will be poisoned by the Sunnis.

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Whats dark, flows very fast and has a fruity sensation?

Blackcurrants.

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What do you get when you mix soap with formaldehyde?

Is it poisonous? Please answer fast, my hands are feeling numb.

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Thumble

No matter how fast someone can type in a keyboard, when it comes to typing on a smartphone most people are all thumbs.

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Why did Billy Cosby get fired?

Because he was a typist and he was not typing fast enough.

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Where can you get fast food in Chicago?

Windy's.

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If you run around a tree twice as fast as light

You can fuck your own ass

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A fat women falls through the floor of her apartment whilst reading the news.

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What's the difference between childhood and adulthood?

"Wow, you're fast," goes from being a compliment to being an insult.

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I want to have sex with you

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Im not going to give you the remote, and yeah, I feel pretty confident about that.

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What do you call a jogger in a lion cage?

Fast food

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Just attended my first ever Muslim birthday party. Musical chairs was a bit slow...

But fuck me pass the parcel was really fast.

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Rekt Em

Little Johnny goes back to school on Monday and the teacher asks the kids if there was anything exciting that happened to them over the weekend.

Little Johnny is waving his hand like crazy, well the teacher knows how little Johnny is so she doesn't want to call on him.

Finally, she gives in and calls on Johnny, "All right Johnny, what did you do this weekend


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Heisenberg was speeding down the highway. A cop pulls him over and says, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going back there?"

Heisenberg says, "No, but I knew where I was."

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After Adam stayed out late a few nights, Eve became suspicious.

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A man is paying for sex with the lovely woman on the corner and asks how much she charges.

She replies "10 dollars to strip slowly and teasingly and 20 dollars to remove my clothes as fast as I possibly can to get down to business".

The man responds "20 dollars?! That's a rip off!"

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A man takes his horse to the vet.

He says to the vet. "It's the darndest thing. Some days he's the fastest horse I've ever seen and others he's practically lame. What should I do?"

"Wait for a fast day and sell him." The Vet advised.

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Three flies are in a jar.

Three flies are in a jar, a male and 2 females.

One of the female flies starts freaking out. "How am I going to get out of this jar?!" The male fly says, "I can tell you how. Give me a blow job and I'll tell you." She gives him a blowjob. He tells her, 'Ok to get out you need to fly down to the bottom of the jar, then back up to the top as fast as you can


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How to get reddit karma fast

[deleted]

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Whenever I give my seat on the bus to an elderly person, they're as happy as a kid in a candy store...

I do the same in the men's bathroom and they hobble away as fast as they can.

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Superman flying around horny... (Dirty and Long)

One day Superman is flying around and he sees Wonder Woman sun tanning, butt naked and spread eagle on top of the justice league building. He thinks to himself, "I am fast as a speeding bullet, I can fly in, pump a few times, and be gone before Wonder Woman even knows what happened".

So as fast as a speeding bullet Superman swoops in, pumps a few times, and speeds away when


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Whats the Flashs favorite food?

Fast food

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You know I once talked my way out of a speeding ticket?

I was going up to my parents house doing like 90 mph on this country road and I got pulled over.
This cop, gets out of his car, he kind of swaggers on over and he's like "young lady I've been waiting for you all day"
So I looked up at him and I said, "I'm so sorry officer I got here as fast as I could!"


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I got an e-mail from a buddy of mine. He always has trouble spelling certain words. He said he quit his job at the glue factory. Upper management wanted everyone to put out 2,500 tubes per hour

I guess he's not the type to work in a fast paste environment.

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Every building has a drive-thru if you drive fast enough.

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I finally figured out why fast food sandwiches look so shitty

It's because they're inbread

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Why dont tigers like fast food?

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What's the car's favourite meal?

Brake-fast

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Psst, wanna hear a racist joke?

Q: What do cannibals call Usain Bolt? A: Fast food.

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What happens when Trump eats ice cream too fast?

Nothing

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Why are all black people fast?

Coz the slow one get caught

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A cop pulls over a man..

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I don't get why everyone in 'The Boys' is amazed at how fast that black superhero is

He's a train after all.

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Proud Terrorist discussing his kids

Yep, they blow up so fast!

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What did I say when my bros asked me about losing my virginity?

I don't remember. It happened so fast.

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Thought I stopped watching anime

Then I saw ***Fast and Furious: Hobbs n Shaw***

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My sister at a fast food restaurant

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Need Jokes fast...

I need as many dead puppy jokes as possible... it's for a friend... I swear.

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Oh, have you heard about the new Spanish fast food place?

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Why did Mr.Bean cross the road?

To slim down on the fast food

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A man is driving his new car down the interstate.

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A man, a dog, and a horse

a man, a dog, and a horse were walking a long road, the horse says: "are we there yet?".

The man heard the horse and was frightened as how can a horse speak.
So he ran as fast as he could while being followed by his dog.
The man stops after he ran out of breath,
his dog does the same and looks up to him saying:"shit, he surprised us!"


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Our local monastery has opened a fast food outlet.

I went in and said to the guy "Hi, are you the deep fat friar?"

He said "No, I'm the chip monk."

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Driving on an open road and a cop pulls me over

Cop: You know how fast you were going?

Guy: Sorry officer, I was just trying to catch up with traffic.

Cop: What traffic? The road is empty.

Guy: Yea, that's how far behind I am.

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I've just been sacked from my job for not spinning the waltzers fast enough

I'll be taking them to court for funfair dismissal

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Three friends find a magical pool in the forest.

The magical inscription beside it says "Run at this pool and jump in while screaming your desire. The pool shall be filled with whatever you wish for."

The first guy, being the sensible one, ran straight at it and shouted "MONEY!!!" True enough, he landed in a pool of cash. Bagging it all up, he left and let his friends have their turn.

The second guy


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They have a new fast Internet for rednecks...

Its called the Doublewide Web.

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(NSFW) Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!" 

Reporter: "Name?" 

Man: "Smith." 

Reporter: "Sex?" 

Man: "Three to five times a week." 

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" 

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." 

Reporter: &quo


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What do cannibals call Usain Bolt?

Fast food.

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