Fallen

Jokes

A luchador, after helping a group of friends says....

"I bid you adios amigos!"

Paladin: so soon?"

Luchador: "Si. I am quest to destroy my fallen brother, corrupted by the diabolical and reborn undead. He is called... El Lichador!

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Sad to say my lizard has fallen ill...

Doctor says he’s got reptile dysfunction.

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Sean Connery once said...

“A book has fallen on my head, and I can only blame my shelf”

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What kind of music does a fallen tree branch dance to?

Log-rhythm

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If a service dog without a person approaches you, it means that their owner has fallen and is in need of help

Follow the dog, and you'll get a free purse or wallet.

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Life Alert and Viagra launch a joint marketing campaign

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get it up!"

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Life Alert and Viagra launch a joint marketing campaign

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get it up!"

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Flat Earthers Flat Earthing

Flat earther’s are so dumb I am surprised they haven’t fallen off the Earth yet.

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A man's rear tire falls off his car in front of a mental asylum.

While inspecting he notices that all the lug nuts have broken and fallen off the wheel.

As he sits there desperately trying to find a way to re-attach his wheel to the car, he hears a voice call out to him from behind the fence.

"What seems to be the problem?" says the mental patient.

The man replies, "well it seems all the lug nuts have broke


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"Release the Kraken!"

"Sir, a child's fallen into the pool."

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"Dear god, it's Harambe all over again."

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^((I couldn't think of the punchline, thought of the joke in a dream, forgot that part))

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Alexa, help! We're on holiday in the capital of Slovakia, and my son's just fallen into an active volcano here

G: Alexa, help! We're on holiday in the capital of Slovakia, and my son's just fallen into an active volcano here.
*Alexa: "Bratislava?"*

G: He probably is by now.

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Are you one of the classic blunders?

Cause I've fallen for you

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I can see that my friend has fallen out of a river boat in Egypt but he refuses to accept it.

I think he’s in denial.

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What did the fallen leaves say to the gardener?

Blow me

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What did the fallen leaves say to the gardener?

Blow me

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What did the inventor of the bra say?

I'll rise the fallen and oppress the big ones

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A Clean joke

One day Dex and his friend were going to clean the car from dirt and fallen leaves, his friend said “damn this is going to take forever” then as if suddenly on cue a wall of air came and blew the leaves and the dirt off the car, his friend turns and then says “wow, that was some strong wind, dex”


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I have fallen in love with minors...

... ever since the college advisor told me the benefits of having them along with a major.

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What did the horse say after he tripped?

I've fallen, and I can't giddy-up.

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The fallen spoon

A man and his wife are sitting at a restaurant, eating their soup, when he suddenly drops his spoon. A waiter, who was just passing by, quickly picks it up, takes a spoon from his pocket and hands it to the customer.

Quite unsurprisingly, the man looks at the waiter in confusion. "Oh, don't be surprised" says the waiter "we have very little time to lose here, and o


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The fallen spoon

A man and his wife are sitting at a restaurant, eating their soup, when he suddenly drops his spoon. A waiter, who was just passing by, quickly picks it up, takes a spoon from his pocket and hands it to the customer.

Quite unsurprisingly, the man looks at the waiter in confusion. "Oh, don't be surprised" says the waiter "we have very little time to lose here, and o


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Have you ever fallen asleep driving?

No, but I've woken up driving

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What's the easiest way to prepare for a corpse that's fallen out of the coffin?

Re-hearse of course.

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How do the fallen avengers talk to each other?

Snapchat.

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A young woman takes on her first job, raising money for a charity. She decides to go for broke...

and approaches one of the wealthiest men in the country. But he's greedy and selfish and has never given anyone a dime.

"Mr. Marcos, I represent an organization that does a lot of good for a lot of people, especially under-resourced children all over the planet. I know you don't really give a lot. But would you consider making a donation to us?"

The ol


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How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The year is 2019, and every blonde has fallen. The weakest links have been exterminated. Viva la Vaccine!

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I was told some bad news last month. A good friend of mine had fallen into an upholstering machine and suffered terrible injuries.

The good news is he's now fully recovered

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I tried being a fruitarian

That's where you can only eat things that have fallen off trees.

I managed one day, I had 3 apples and an owl

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There is a new site for senior citizen dating.

Its called "I've fallen in love and I can't get up."

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Last night I rode my bike to the liquor store

... and bought a bottle of whisky. I put the bottle in the bike basket but before riding back I thought: what if I fall down for some reason? The bottle will break! So I drank the whole bottle of whisky before riding home.

And thank God I did, because I must have fallen down about a dozen times before I got home.


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Can you go call life alert?

Because I've just fallen for you and I can't get up

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What do you say to a man who's fallen ill from dehydration after their water supply was cut off?

Hope you get well soon.

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Initially, I was excited about my mini butt plugs business.

But it's really fallen between the cracks.

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Your mum is so fat,

Shaggy has to use 46% of his power to help her up when she'd fallen.

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NSFW WARNING to all men in Northwest England.

There is a scam going on in supermarket car parks all around the North West. The victim will usually be a male on his own and will usually be distracted by navigating the car park with shopping.

He will usually be approached by an attractive female in her early 20s as he enters his car. She will offer sexual favours for a ride to the next town and will even offer to pay her end befo


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Two robins were sitting in a tree.

"I'm really hungry", said the first one.

"Me too," said the second. "Let's fly down and find some lunch."

They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate and ate 'til they could eat no more. "I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up to the tree", sai


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A male whale and a female whale are swimming in the ocean when they see a boat full of sailors headed their way.

The male whale mentions to the female that they should go under the boat, and spew water from their blowhole and the force would knock a couple of the sailors over.

The female whale laughs and agrees to their plot.

The male whale recommends to really show them who’s boss, they should eat a couple of the fallen sailors.

The female whale get an angry sc


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Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one.

"Me too," said the second. "Let's fly down and find some lunch."

They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate until they could eat no more.

"I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up to the tree," said the first one.

"Me neither. Let's just lay h


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It was a dark time in Vegetable Land.

The neighboring Fruit Kingdom had launched an invasion months before, and the starchy defenders had fallen quickly to the acidic and citric attackers. After a long campaign, the country had finally fallen and only a few vegetables could meet underground to discuss the future of the resistance. At that bleak meeting, the last few plants met to decide how to handle their future.

Potato


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What do you call an old dude failing at poker and Fortnite who fallen asleep?

A snoozer loser!

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Why isn't the motto for Viagra...

"Help, it's fallen and I can't get it up!"?

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Fucking stupid, no one, and nobody.

There were three lads going by the names of "fucking stupid", "no one", and "nobody" fooling around at a park, drunk.

There was a well at the centre of said park, and the one named "no one" was a little bit too curious about it. He decides to look down the well but ends up falling inside. "Nobody" tries to pull him out while the remain


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With Romaine lettuce being gone...

it’s safe to say that Caesar, emperor of salads, has fallen with the great Romaine empire.

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Yall so lemme tell ya story that happened yesterday...

I walked into this bar and met this real hot Asian chick. I started hitting on her and then she said, “sex! sex! sex! free sex tonight!” I was like damn but then her friend next to her told me, “she means 666-3629” F in chat for our fallen soldier

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Lion Lioness

One afternoon, inside a cave deep in the jungle, a lion and his lioness were chilling.

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A dog comes at the gate of the cave and starts insulting the lion. He says very mean things about lion and his wife. The dog then runs away in the jungle.

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The lion ignores the dog. The lioness, furious, shouts at her husband, &


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Samonella outbreaks have destroyed many great civilizations in the past...

“The Romaine empire has fallen, Caesar is dead, lettuce pray”

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What's the difference between a black hole and a taco that's falling apart?

A black hole never falls apart; and a fallen-apart taco sucks.

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What did the horse say when it fell down?

“Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy-up.”

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I've fallen in love with a pencil and we're getting married

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

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What did the Horse say when he tripped?

Help! I've fallen and I can't giddy up!

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