Fake

Jokes

I bought my bad ass step son a pair of fake Jordans.

Stepson: why didn’t you buy me real Jordan’s?
Me: because you ain’t my real son

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What kind of fake hair does a stuttering rapper use?

XXXtentions

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What do you call a fake noodle

An impasta

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What do you call a fake Lacoste shirt?

Lowcoste

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Fake News

Maybe we should start this rumor: The reason evangelicals are in love with Trump is that they believe he was born in Kenya to missionary parents.... Wouldn't Trump LOVE that? REAL Fake News.

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I went to Spain to attend the Running of the Bulls, but when I arrived, there was nothing there but cows with fake horns attached.

I was in shambles.

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People keep claiming my collectors' edition of "Brief Answers to the Big Questions" by Stephen Hawking is fake.

But it even has his signature!

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My girlfriend is the square root of -4061

Nice but fake

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Donald Trump hasn't been saying fake news.

He's been saying fake "noose".

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Life Hack: How to make fake clay out of wax.

Step 1) petition your local wax museum for a Clay Aiken exhibit.

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The Jeffrey Epstein suicide is fake noose.

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Punss

Person1: man the concert was so fake all he did was lipsync

Person2: one might say the concert was STAGED

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My 27F husband cheated on me with another man.

He was fake and gay.

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I've been lucky when going out to bars. I've never been given a fake number.

A wrong number sure.......but never a fake one.

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Today's reports suggest Epstein killed himself

Talk about fake noose

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Turns out Epstein is alive!

Fake Noose.

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What do you call reports that Jeffrey Epstein didnt actually hang himself but instead was murdered?

Fake noose.

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What do you call fake shit?

Shampoo

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Unrealistic Porn

Something that I find really unrealistic about teacher porn is when the female teacher has fake breasts, there's no way in the world that a teacher's salary can pay for that.

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What do you call a fake koi fish?

A dekoi

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I saw Sir Ian McKellan handing out leaflets about how Dumbledore and Merlin were fake clones of Gandalf

I had a look at one of the leaflets, and it turned out to be the usual propagandalf

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What do you call a group of holographic Rabbis?

Fake Jews

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How to fake your own death

Become a famous YouTuber and stop uploading for months.

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Dad always told me to spend my money wisely.

So I grew myself a beard, painted a fake scar on my face, and found myself some glasses.

Now I'm off to buy my first Bugatti.

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My step dad doesnt like it when I call him fake dad

He prefers faux pa

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NSFW - A man was waiting for the bus Plot Twist

The bus arrives and as he enters it he sees a gorgeous woman and sits right next to her asking her:

-Wow youre gorgeous want to have sex?

She replies: "You filthy pig cant you see that Im a nun?" as she hops off the next busstop.

Then the busdriver asks the man: Wow you really wanted to fuck that nun huh?

-Yes, why do you ask?


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We all know the moon landing was fake

It was filmed by Stanley Kubrick.

How ever it cost a lot of money as Kubrick was a perfectionist.

He demanded they filmed on the location.

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What's the difference between a "Rad-Fem" and a Live Grenade?

Grenade kills less people.

Radfem in air quotes because its meant to be the fake radfem that complains about trans people and "m a n s p r e a d i n g"

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Shawn Baker: if you don't eat sentient animals you aren't sentient

Who? A fake doc on Twitter.

Vegans aren't sentient beings, vegans are like plants.

Can't feel or suffer.

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So i asked my wife the other day did you fake it last night?

She said “no, I was really asleep”

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Last time I was in Jaurez I was accosted by 3 fake cops.

I knew they were fake by the cheap cut uniforms, but had to deal with the fact 2 armed men had me at bay while a 3rd asked questions.

: ID!,

I said "Andrew Jackson. "

:good grungo go.

My buddy just told me they woulda let me walk for a lincoln.

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All phones are fake

They're phoney

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We thought a moose was in our backyard but it was an elk

Fake Moose

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Why do some women still fake orgasms?

Because they think men care.

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I don't like the term Fake News.

The only people using it are lying.

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Trump finds a new barber for getting a hairdo

On his first visit things seem to be going pretty well till mid-conversation the barber brings up upcoming elections.

Barber: "Mr President, certain pollsters are claiming that your approval ratings are dipping. How is the mid-term campaign going for the party?".

"That's fake news. Don't worry we'll win bigly. You'll see!" Trump s


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A male stripper goes into a restaurant. He sees a beautiful young nun and decides he wants to do the dirty on her.

So he decides to propose to her directly.
"Ey girl how you doin? What do you think about leaving that chastity aside and come with me for a good time?"
The nun angrily answers, "I am a woman of no man, only God! To hell with you, sinner!"
The man goes to a table, defeated, but then his waiter talks to him.
"Ey you know I've seen that nun prayin


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What do you call fake cheese?

Scamembert

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Sam got thrown out a Strip club for using monopoly money.

Sam's logic - Why I should pay real money to see fake boobs.

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What do you call a fake noodle?

An ImPASTA !!!

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Bet you tell at least one person, that joke :P

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Elon Musk takes James Cameron and Jack Nicholson into his first space expedition to Mars

The three of them exit out of earth's orbit and having a good time getting high and sharing plans for what each of them is planning to do upon touchdown on Mars.

​

Elon says he wants to drive the first off road Tesla vehicle on Martian soil. James says he brought his ocean diving vessel and will take a plunge into the Martian waters to explore the dep


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To fake the Moon Landings, NASA hired Stanley Kubrick...

Who insisted on filming on location

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What do you call fake shit?

Shampoo

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My grandpa called to tell me he just laid a new fake hardwood in the kitchen

Dont know why he needed to brag about his sex on Viagra

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I got kicked out of a strip club for throwing Monopoly money at a stripper. She said, "Hey, this is fake money!"

I said, "Hey, those are fake titties!"

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Did you hear about the disappointing shortage of seats at the Church of Fake Lazer Sounds?

They really need more pews.

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What do you call fake pho?

A pho'gery.

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Proof that the moon landing is fake

If the moon landing actually happened, then why can it still be seen in the sky in broad daylight

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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta

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A neighboring farmer tried to sell me fake manure

I called bullshit

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