Faint

Jokes

A pregnant woman was drinking coke under a tree while a small Ant family was chatting on it

While they were chatting, the wind blew hard and the son of the Ant fell into the Coke jar which the Pregnant lady drank without noticing

The father Ant ran to the Pregnant lady and said something that made her faint to the ground

"Mam, The baby inside your belly is mine"

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The child molestation case at the local high school sure isn't for the faint of heart.

I mean, the principal of the whole thing is just so messed up.

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Beethoven has died...

Local townsmen state that they can here faint music from under his grave.
Intrigued, the local Mortician visits the site to investigate
And yes, faint music rises from the grave! The Mortician retrieves the Priest.
Together they listen, and slowly begin the realize the music playing is Beethoven's 8th.
Then his 7th, then his 6th, his 5th, his 4th, then his 2nd. And th


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Will you marry me...


There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known each other for a number of years. Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask h


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A dog walks into a saloon

All the patrons go quiet as they look at the dog who’s wearing spurs and a cowboy hat, with a gun on his hip.

The bartender says, “now listen here partner, we don’t want any trouble. What’s your business?”

The dog lets out a faint growl, lifts up his front right leg and replies, “I’m looking for the man who shot my pa”.


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A woman named Rosie is getting married

The groom puts a ring around Rosie's finger, he has a bunch of flowers, a posy, in his pocket waiting to be given to his new wife. Rosies father had tragically died a month back, she sheds a tear while looking at the urn of her dad's ashes. The mix of sheer happiness and sadness was enough for Rosie to faint and fall down.

Rosie had the Plague. Rosie died.


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Why did the console peasant faint in the art gallery?

Because there were too many frames

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Does anyone ever clearly remember being breast fed?

No? Well I guess, then it's just a faint mammary.

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My doctor says that I faint all too often.

To be honest, I think he's job hgv

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Im so T-U-R-D tired, I could F-A-R-T faint!

(My grandpa used to say this one a lot)

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An angel appears at a faculty meeting

and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.

Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.

"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.

Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded


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Having sex while camping is NOT for the faint of heart.

It’s fuckin’ in tents

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There was this quiz at a local bar

I won and they handed me this matchbox. They told me not to open it, or I will lose the prize. “Son of a bitch.” was my first reaction.

I heard buzzing voice:

“S O B”

I was confused and amused. I laughed. I tried to listen and... Again! This faint buzzing voice, hardly audible:

“L O L”

Then it hit


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Super offensive joke not for the faint of heart

Penis

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I was extremely nervous meeting my blind date that I felt faint....

I became weak at Denise

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With faint voice, crucified Jesus calls Petrus...

"Petrus, come closer, I have to tell you something important."
Petrus steps to the cross, looking up to Jesus: "Yes master, what is it?"
"Please come closer.", Jesus whispers.
Petrus takes a ladder and climbs up to Jesus. "Yes master, I'm here, what is it?"
Jesus: "From up here I can see our house."


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I held a meditation class at a retirement home once...

At the end of the session, which consisted mostly of breathing exercises, I procured a small gong and a mallet. I told all of them to close their eyes and focus on the sound of the gong, and to raise their hand when they could no longer hear it.

Everyone closed their eyes, and I struck the gong. A couple seconds later, no one raised their hands. A few more seconds later, the gong had


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How do Jews shower?

How do Jews shower?

The same as you idiot.

First we get nice and we..

Wait, it's a trap!

The gas its too mu... faint scream´╗┐

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I fought the Elite Four using only Luvdisc.

That battle was intense, not for the faint of heart.

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I saw my ex faint in the gym.

[deleted]

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I would like to tell you about how I beat the Elite Four's Pokemon using only Luvdisc...

But just a disclaimer, that battle is not for the faint of heart.

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Warning for faint-hearted Joke in text contains gore.

[deleted]

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Why did the bear faint upon seeing his friend eat a donut?

He thought his friend was eating his own claw. In reality he was just eating a bear claw donut. D'oh!

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This will blow your mind!

If you take the pin out of a grenade and put your ear to the hole you can hear the faint sound of the world wide I.Q average increasing.

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His shoes stinks

There was a guy who used to wear one type of shoes that was stinking, he used it at work and at home. One day he came to greet an old man who was resting under the tree, do you know what happened to these old man? He fainted abruptly he was taken at nearby hospital and admitted.

When his conscious was back he told the people that the guy who has a stinking shoes was the one who mak


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Not for the faint hearted.

What is the difference between a swimming pool full of dead babies and a swimming pool full of bowling balls?....



You can't empty a swimming pool full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

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A Nigerian man.

*A Nigerian man fainted outside Mr. Biggs (an eatery). Soon a crowd gathered around him and someone suggested, “Give him some water, it will help.” Hearing this, the man opened one eye and said, “Commot from here, if na water I wan drink, I for go faint for water board…” (Translation: “Get lost! If I needed water, I would faint in front of a water facility)


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An elderly lady would always bring flowers she picked from her garden to a local hospital to cheer up the pediatric patients.

One day a worker was installing a new sign in the lobby when a metal bar from his scaffolding fell. He was harnessed in to the part that didn't fall, but the bar hit the elderly lady with the flowers, killing her instantly.

Two years later the maintenance guy was walking down a corridor after hours when he faintly smelled flowers. He was instantly reminded of the flower lady. Aft


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A joke from Pakistan: What did the ant whisper into the elephant's ear that made the elephant faint?

"I'm going to be the mother of your children."

I have no idea whether the joke is lost in translation...

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Two hunters are in the woods when one is killed by a bear...

The second hunter scared off the bear, and immediately rang 911. 'I'm in the woods with my friend' he said. 'He was mauled by a bear, I think he might be dead! What should I do?'

The operator at the other end replied 'Well the first thing you must do is make sure he is definitely dead'. The hunter thanks the operator and the line goes dead. As the o


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Three nuns

Three nuns are on a bus, when a nude man with an erect penis steps on. Two of the nuns faint and the third has a stroke.

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What's the worst thing that could happen to an rjoke subscriber?

faint

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I could argue that someone passing out in the punchline enhances the joke,

but that would be faint praise indeed.

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A plane crashes and everyone dies

And they all go to heaven. But almost everyone on this plane was either fat as can be or ugly as sin and they all had been bullied their entire lives due to this.
So god lines everyone up and says "You've all been good people but were treated terribly during life, so I will grant you one wish before you enter heaven."
The first guy thinks for a second and says "


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Collection of totally offensive jokes, not for the faint hearted

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