Failed

Jokes

High I.Q joke

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A priest a rabbi and a pastor walk into a bar

All three failed to duck

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I can't tell you how many times I failed maths

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Two scientists walk into a bar

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Donald Trump failed to buy Greenland.

Pakistan has asked him to make an offer for Kashmir.

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I tried again and again.

Three, four, five, six times I failed. Seven times. Eight. Finally I succeeded, The ninth time's a charm squared.

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Sex ed drop outs

Three little boys are walking home from school on report card day and one says "I can't believe that bitch failed us in health class, we should kidnap her and tie her up"

The second one says 'yeah and rip off all her clothes"

The third one says "yeah and then suck her dick"


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R. Kelly failed to appear in court today.

Sources say he was trapped in the closet.

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Trump wakes up from an operation.

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Yo mama so slutty...

She failed a DNA test.

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Two firemen were trying to save people from a burning building

The one on the building was throwing people down and the other was catching them on the ground.

Then he threw a black man... The one on the ground failed to catch him.
After it was over he asked him why did u not catch him..
He Replied : He was already burned when u threw him .

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Two hicks get on a plane from Saskatoon to Miami

About one hour into the flight there's an announcement made by the pilot "Hello this is your pilot speaking, 1 of our 4 engines failed, no need to panic, we're going to have a delay." After another hour a second announcement is made "Hello, another one of our four engines has failed, again, no need to panic. We'll have another delay." So another announcement is


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Two Chemists walk into a bar

One chemist says "I'll have H20"
The other one says "I'll have water, also"


"Fuck, my assassination attempt failed..."

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Two chemists walk into a bar

Chemist 1 : I'll have H2O please
Chemist 2 : I'll have water also

Chemist 1 walks away frustrated that his assasination attempt failed

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One million dollar available under certain conditions

So fat no takers

When I was nineteen my uncle died.He was a wealthy man. In his will it is written that one million $ would go to
Anyone that in their lifetime would abstain from smoking,drinking alcohol,and sex.
I tried very hard , I really needed the money but I failed miserably after about four years when
This sweet young virgin girl seduced me.
The money i


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Two chemists was into a bar

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I come from a family of failed magicians

I have two half sisters.

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Uh oh, your parachute failed. Dont worry though!

You have the rest of your life to figure it out

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2 Irishmen on a plane

There are two Irishmen on a plane from Dublin to New York. Whilst they're talking to each other they get interrupted by an announcement from the pilot:

"Sorry to disturb you all but I think it's best you know one of our engines has failed. Don't worry we can still make it on 3 engines but there'll be a delay of one hour"

So they begin talking


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Wanna hear a joke?

Post failed.

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A doctor became a kidnapper.

He failed miserably at it because no one could read his ransom notes.

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I just took a trigonometry test and failed

Guess that’s a sine that I’m not up for it

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Did you hear about the failed robbery on the liquor store?

They are still looking for the guy, apparently he got away scotch-free.^OC

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I failed my driving test today.

Picked up 4 minors. Not my fault they needed a ride home

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My argument that Pi wasn't so special failed to convince mathematicians

They said it was circular

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Music exam

A friend failed his Australian music exam.
I asked
" Did you redo it"

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If I had 50 cents for every time I failed a math test,

I’d have 16.40 dollars.

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What did the umpire say to Hitler when he failed at baseball?

THREE RIECHS, YOURE OUT!

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I got fired from a tech company because Ive failed to compile with its inclusion training.

All I said was that it was bad to be awkward and socially inept around women.

Now the programmer department wants my head.

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After many failed attempts trying to pronounce "Phuket"

I eventually just said "Fuck It"

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Skydiver survived a failed parachute

There was an interesting story told to me by a Russian coworker told regarding his days in the Russian army. Apparently one of his comrades had an unfortunate skydiving accident, where is parachute failed to open. So, thinking fast (as the ground was rapidly approaching), he angled his body so that he could glide to a least-bad landing spot. He was looking for something like a swampy bog, but t


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I started growing some fungi in my garden, but it failed miserably.

I guess there is mushroom for improvement

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Did you hear about the failed bra business?

There was a lack of customer support

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I failed my electronics exam today.

Apparently, a transistor is not a black woman dressed as a man

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A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband.

Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to senses, he motioned for her to come near him.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you wer


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Dr. Soong actually created an android based on Jean-Luc Picard, but it failed to be a suitable replacement for the real Captain Picard.

So he just set up a clothing store and made it sew.

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Mike Tyson failed to complete his chicken dish in Celebrity Masterchef...

..he was out of thyme.

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After several years of failed efforts, Uncle Ferdinand is overjoyed to be in a stable relationship

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the horse.

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If I got 50c for each time I failed a math exam...

...I’d have $6.38 by now

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Someone tried to overthrow the government with some hors d'oeuvres but failed spectacularly.

When will people learn that vol-au-vents is never the answer.

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An amateur poet attempted to write a novel.

Unfortunately, he failed because novels are for pros.

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Why didn't Hitler get into art school?

He failed to mix colors

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Why didn't Hitler get into art school?

He failed to mix colors

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Why didn't Hitler get into art school?

He failed to mix colors

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I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.

It was impossible to differentiate between them.

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Failed my Biology Test today....

They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?" Apparently "black people" wasn't the correct answer.

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Failed my biology test test....

They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?" Apparently "black people" wasn't the correct answer.

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My son's kindergarten teacher is such a hardass, she failed him on his alphabet test even though he got 2526.

He still doesn't know y.

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My son's kindergarten teacher is such a hardass, she failed him on his alphabet test even though he got 2526.

He still doesn't know y.

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I failed my python breeding class because of a late assignment.

My homework ate my dog.

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