Extremely

Jokes

Did you know the average gazelle can jump higher than a two story house?

This is due to the animal’s extremely powerful hind legs and the fact that a house can’t jump.

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This guy asked a girl to prom.....

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A man was about to enter his Tesla Model X

Before he entered, a beautiful lady approached him and said,

"Woah, that's a really great looking car. How much does something like this cost?"


The man smirked and replied,


"A bj a day for 30 days. 28 if you're good enough."


The lady seemed surprised at first, but then she smiled and said,


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My wife has this weird OCD where she arranged the dinner plates by the year they were bought.

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A man and his wife walk into a tile and flooring store.

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Mickey and minnie mouse are in divorce court

The judge looks at Mickey and says: so you're divorcing minnie because she's extremely crazy?
Mickey- no, I said she was fucking goofy

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Mickeys lawyer: So you want to divorce Minnie because shes extremely silly?

Mickey: No, I said she was fucking goofy

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My boss is firing me because I'm grasping the subject.

He said that the patients are complaining about being extremely uncomfortable from being held onto.

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No service at hotel room

I called into the hotel reception for room service. After my 5th call went unanswered, I walked up to the hotel reception angrily asking why they weren't answering.

Reception : "Extremely sorry sir. What's your room number?"
Me : "Room number 503"
Reception : "Something went wrong. 503 service unavailable"


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A drunk in the bar

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says" Excuse me, you just farted before my wife." The drunks replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."


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So the lawyer says

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First condoms

Two ancient Slavic shepherds are discussing their successful invention of the first condoms:
The first one says: "It is amazing! These work so great and because of the fact that they're made out of sheep guts, they're also extremely cheap to make!"
The second one responds while scratching his nose: "I mean all that is true and they are quite good ...but... shou


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I'm extremely disappointed in all of my servants. Except for the doctor who gave me a sex change.

He empressed me.

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Mickey Mouse, it says you want to divorce Minnie because she was extremely silly?

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Hitler died and went to hell

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Jamie and Cerci just finished...

having passionate sex. Cerci was extremely satisfied and said "Jamie, you are so much better than daddy."

Jamie said "Yeah, mommy says the exact same thing."

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My girlfriends father is very religious and says we can't sleep together.

Which is really unfortunate because he is extremely good looking.

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I find the shape of America extremely arousing.

That's why I came to this country.

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As an immigrant, I find the shape of America extremely arousing.

That's why I came to this country.

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Im writing this from the hospital and the doctors said Im extremely lucky. Today I fell off a 20ft ladder

Lucky for me I was only on the first step, thanks for the thoughts and prayers

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My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.

It’s an extremely rare dish order.

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THE FUNNIEST VIDEOS EVER MADE (Warning! EXTREMELY FUNNY.)

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t19SprGLxEA&t=7s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t19SprGLxEA&t=7s)

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John an Jim are in college and exam time has come

John gets in the classroom with the professor and starts speaking to him and answering his questions.

Professor then asks him: "This is the most important question, you cannot pass if you don't answer it. You are in a train and it is extremely hot inside. What will you do?"

John answers: "I will open the window."

Professor says: &quo


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What do you call an extremely attractive Iraqi woman?

A Weapon of Mass Seduction.

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You have to be extremely careful around everyone nowadays

I was walking down the street yesterday and a guy walked towards me and pulled out scissors. I'm so very happy I was agile enough to reach into my pocket and pull out a rock. If I had pulled out paper, I would have lost!

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You have be extremely careful around everyone nowadays

I was walking down the street yesterday and a guy walked towards me and pulled out scissors. I'm so very happy I was agile enough to reach into my pocket and pull out a rock. If I had pulled out paper, I would have lost!

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A young muslim boy asks his dad " what are you wearing on yout head?"

The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”

"And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.

“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father “It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah.' As I have told you, in the desert it is not only


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I woke up with such a bad dead leg this morning.

Fortunately I still found the rest of the corpse extremely attractive.

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Lawyer: Let me get this straight, you want to divorce your wife because she is extremely silly?

Mickey Mouse: No, she is fucking goofy.

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What do you call an extremely rude potato?

A dick tater.

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A coworker walked into the restroom and asked me why I always use the little urinal.

I replied "the urinal water is extremely cold."

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Why did people get offended by the extremely busy Vietnamese restaurant?

because it was a big Pho Queue to them

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What's yellow inside, black outside, silent, and extremely lethal?

A little ninja chicken.

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Car dealership (long)

A Bostonian multimillionaire visited an exotic car dealership. He didn’t know much about cars, and informed the dealer that all he wanted was something posh, so the dealer directed him to a Nissan GTR.

‘Not bad’ the Bostonian said ‘But it needs to be VERY posh’ So the dealer took him to an Aventador.

‘Not bad’ the Bostonian said &


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Why are serial killers extremely rich?

I don’t know, I guess they just always make a killing.

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Divorce lawyer: So Mickey, you said you wanted to divorce your wife because she is extremely silly.

Mickey: No! I want to divorce her because she’s fucking goofy!

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I dont vaccinate my child.

That would be extremely irresponsible. I pay someone with medical training vaccinate him.

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I've been seeing my neighbour for the past few months, right up till she started to be extremely rude.

I mean who the fuck closes their blinds when they sleep.

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Stand up comedy You know what annoys me more than anything?

When you’re walking behind someone at a slightly faster pace so you either slow down and deal with it or walk faster than you normally do so it’s not awkward if you pass them extremely slowly, and then you finally get around them but you’ve already played your hand so you can’t slow down and then you speed walk off into the horizon.


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You need to be extremely talented when you are the cameraman for porno.

It must be hard to film with only one hand.

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I asked my barber to cut my hair

Me:"Hello! Can i get my haircut where i keep 3 inches of hair on my head?"

Foreign Barber:"a 3 you keep? Ok no problem."

Me:"ummm, sure?"

Foreign Barber:*cuts hair as a 3 (extremely short)*

Me:.....

Foreign Barber:*hands me the 3 cutter blade*
"That will be $48"

Me:"why?


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A Scottish man was at a baseball game.

It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly. The first batter approached home plate, he took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming, "run, run!" This happened two more times, with a single and a triple.

The Scotchman was now exited and ready to get into the game. The next batter came up and four balls went by. The umpi


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Lawyer: So you wanna divorce Minnie because she was... extremely silly?

Micke: No! I said she was fucking Goofy

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Mickey Mouse, it says here you want to divorce Minnie for being extremely silly?

“No, I said she was fucking goofy!”

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If gay means being happy

Than I'm extremely straight

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Pirates have trouble finding love because

A large booty in a large chest is extremely rare from a physiological standpoint

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Which plant is extremely deadly if you stand beneath it for five minutes?

The water lily

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An extremely bright star walks into a bar.

He shines so bright he nearly blinds everyone inside.

"Are you kidding?" The bartender asks in annoyance.

"No," The star replies. "I'm Sirius."

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My wife is extremely irritable and can't be a doctor...

...because she doesn't have any patience.

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My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.

It's an extremely rare dish order.

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