Establishment

Jokes

What do you call an establishment that illegally sells alcohol to Mexicans?

a spic-easy

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it wanted to challenge the powers of the establishment, which makes him not chicken at all if you ask me.

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City counsel decides not to fine restaurant owner for digging a hole in his own establishment with a pickaxe...

They say he was just mining his own business.

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A horse walks into a bar

The patrons of the establishment, recognizing the potential danger of the situation, left the bar in an orderly fashion.

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I saw some prostitutes hanging around my local garden centre

I guess it is a bit of a seedy establishment

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I just saw a church advertisement

They've been under the same establishment for 2,000 years!

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A man walks into a clock shop...

where a smoking hot girl is working behind the counter. He walks straight up to the counter, looks her in the eye, and lobs is cock out onto the counter.

The girl, very shocked, says "excuse me sir, I think you've the wrong kind of establishment, this is a clock shop!"

The man says "I know it is; put 2 hands and a face on that!"


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A chinese pot, an establishment for drinks and accommodation, a prime number, and former senator Abraham Ribicoff ...

Wok inn 2 Abe R.

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Two Bigots

One day two gentlemen walk into a bar and see the owner. They greet him with a warning “Hey mate, we’ll sit here and drink our faces off & pay whatever you charge, on one condition. We want no flaming fags in this place or we’re outta here.”

The owner says “no problem sir, this establishment has a strict no smoking policy”.


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The bartender says no faster than light particles are allowed in this establishment.

A tachyon walks into a bar.

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How did the new trucking and RV car dealership advertise its coming soon business?

It put out an extra long trailer in front of the establishment on tv

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A union man is looking for a brothel.

He goes to the first one he sees and asks if it is a union establishment. “No” says the madam. “ Well, how much does the house get and how much does the worker get?”. The madam answers 90/10 and that doesn’t sit well with him.

The man continues down the road all with the same answer.

Then he sees the most beautiful woman he has ever seen and


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Whats the difference between true communism and unhindered capitalism.

One spies on the people, removes privacy for the sake of the masses, and props up an establishment that serves only the lucky few.

And the other fortunately never caught on in America.

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I started a new construction themed drinking establishment called the CrowBar

Surprisingly difficult to open

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3 Journalists walk into a Saudi consulate...

...the entire globalist media establishment goes batshit.

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What do you call a person that won't let people with over 30 size waist or Elmer Fudd into their establishment?

Waistist

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I got really drunk in Las Vegas last night and it seemed everyone wanted to remind me of the hotel I was staying at for some reason..

A few examples of things people told me:

Luxor, this is a ten dollar minimum table and you only have quarters.

Luxor, this is a classy establishment and we'd appreciate it if you put a shirt on and cover up your man boobs.

Luxor, I am not a hooker and quite frankly, you are making an ass of yourself.

Luxor, we are going to have to ask you to


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I got really drunk in Las Vegas last night and it seemed everyone wanted to remind me of the hotel I was staying at for some reason..

A few examples of things people told me:

Luxor, this is a ten dollar minimum table and you only have quarters.

Luxor, this is a classy establishment and we'd appreciate it if you put a shirt on and cover up your man boobs.

Luxor, I am not a hooker and quite frankly, you are making an ass of yourself.

Luxor, we are going to have to ask you to


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A Chinese pan, an establishment for accommodation and drinks, a number, and Abraham Rockefeller...

Wok inn two Abe R.

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A Chinese pan, an Establishment for accommodation and drinks, the 2nd whole positive integer, and Abraham Ramsey

Wok Inn Two Abe R

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A husband and his overweight wife are eating at a restaurant...

The waiter comes up to their table and says "I'm sorry sir, but we don't allow bulldogs in our establishment." before the wife can say anything the husband says "Hey! Her jowls are nowhere near that saggy!"

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I want to open a drinking establishment without any furniture.

It'll be the best around, Bar None.

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I was in a portable toilet establishment

there was no silverware.

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Which duck will destroy the establishment?

None, ducks are not allowed in politics.

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I stopped leaning against walls

because I couldn't trust the establishment...

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A customer orders soup

There is a fly in the soup. The customer is very angry. He tells the waiter "There's a fly in the soup. I expect more from such an establishment. Bring me another." The waiter, not wanting to anger the customer further, goes into the kitchen. He tells the cook "There was a fly in that soup, the customer wants another."


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A blind man enters a drinking establishment and makes his way to a designated seating area by the bar on a stool.

[deleted]

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What public figure generated significant internet activism, was underestimated by the establishment, and had followers who were generally younger than their competition?

Joseph Kony

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A non-offensive joke

A living being of un-identifiable gender walks into an establishment. Another living being of un-identifiable gender with an unknown profession asks why the living being is looking so neutral. The being replied: Im muslim.

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The Night's Watch opens a drinking establishment to attract new brothers.

They call it the Crow Bar.

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What is H1B for "Come here often?" ?

Visit this establishment frequently ?

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What is the difference between a drinking establishment and an elephant's fart?

One is a bar-room and the other is a BAROOOM!

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What did the white collar executive say to the low-income disenfranchised youth?

Nothing. Social dichotomy prevents the establishment of dialogue.

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A string walks into a bar

and orders a drink. The bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve strings in this establishment." So the string goes outside, messes up his hair, does some twists and walks back into the bar. The bartender says "Hey, aren't you that string that tried to buy a drink earlier?" The string says to the bartender, "No, I'm a frayed knot."


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A mother, a blind man and an anarchist walk into a bar.

The mother could not get into the establishment because she was [the reader]’s mum, thus she was naturally two times too big for the door and stained the sides of her dress in sweat attempting to enter.

The anarchist refused not go into the establishment; instead he spray-painted his motifs around the exterior, pissed on the window and flipped the bar off because he was in a fi


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