Escort

Jokes

I filled the escort with diesel ....

.... she died.

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An unkempt teenager with his pants hanging half off his bottom walked into the local welfare office to pick up his welfare payment.

He marched up to the counter and said,

"Hi. You know, I just H A T E drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We Just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and a bo


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So I was watching Infinity War in the Theater and all of a sudden these guys in blue escort me outside

I'm not visiting that Hospital again

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Have you heard of the man who got really disappointed at the bitches the escort company sent?

Because all he got was a Maltese.

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A businessman is in Japan to meet with some corporate bigwigs

Later that night, he's in his hotel room feeling lonely and a little frisky, so he calls up an escort service and they send a sweet young thing over for him to play with.

During a ferocious bout of bonking, the young Japanese escort starts screaming in delight "Machigatta Ana! Machigatta Ana!"

The next day the businessman is invited to play a round of golf


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I accidentally filled the escort with diesel......

She died.

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If youre straight and hire an escort of the same sex...

Does that make you buy-curious?

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Whats the best thing about having a girlfriend that is an escort?

You never have to wonder if she's been screwing around on you!

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I lost my job and now wife is working as an escort

I’m not happy about it, but it’s what she needs to do to make ends meet. She came home yesterday with $350.25. I said “What cheap bastard only gave you 25 cents?” She said “that’s what every one of them paid.”

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What do you call an escort fart?

A prosti-TOOT

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I filled my escort with diesel gasoline.

She died.

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A man meets an escort in a bar..

.. and after talking to her for a little bit he says, “alright, enough talk. How much is it going to cost me for a handjob?”

The escort says, “that’ll cost you $50.”

“$50 for a handjob?! You gotta be kiddin me!” Says the man.

“Well come look out here”, she says, “see that car outside?” She poin


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A young man with his pants hanging halfway down his rear,

two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the coun


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You're in luck, we just got a job opening . . .

A guy walks into the local Welfare office, marches straight up to the counter to collect his check and says “Hi. Ya know, I just hate drawing Welfare. I’d much rather have a job.”

The social worker behind the counter says, “Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daught


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I drove around the block to pick up an Escort girl, but I only found a trans prostitute

I have to tell ya, that was quite a drag

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Accidently filled the escort with diesel.

She died.

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Why did the escort ask Peter to turn the music system on?

Because she was about to dance to the tune of 50,000 pounds.

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Why did the escort ask Peter to turn the music system on?

Because she was about to dance to the tune of 50,000 pounds.

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Welfare check

A young man with his pants hanging half off his rear, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing


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Should have kept his mouth shut.

A young man with his pants hanging half off his rear, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing


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OC What do yo call an escort?

PayPal

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An escort goes to the hospital

She is a few hours away from getting a heart transplant and quite nervous.

She asks the surgeon, “Doctor, what if my body rejects it?”
The surgeon replies, “Well, you’re in good health apart from your heart. What do you do for a living?”
She shyly admits, “Um, actually I’ve been working as a prostitute since I was eighte


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TIFU by ordering a 6-inch instead of a footlong.

I should read the small print more carefully on the male escort pages.

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Super sex

A man is about to turn 80. His friends want to get him a special gift, so they hire an escort to pay him a visit. They find the most popular escort in town - Super Sex.

The escort goes to the man's house and knocks on the door. The man answers and says, "Who are you?"

The woman says, "I'm Super Sex."

"Who?" the old m


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I once accidentally put diesel in my Escort

She died.

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I put diesel in a 25 year old Escort the other day.

She died.

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I accidently filled the escort with diesel yesterday.

She died

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Me and the wife have just picked up a 19 year old escort to spice up our sex life

and as soon as I can get it through an MOT we are definitely going dogging in it.

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I accidentally put diesel in my Escort...

She died.

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An Astronaut, a Pimp, and a Proctologist

An Astronaut, a Pimp, and a Proctologist are all talking about their cars. The astronaut says, "Well I'm an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn," The Pimp says, "I drive a cheap escort." The proctologist looks at both of them and says, "Well I've got you both beat, I drive a brown probe."


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What do you call a Norwegian call girl?

A fjord escort!

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A guy walks into a whore house

A guy walks into a whore house and is taken to a room where his escort is waiting for him.

The guy asks “How much?”

She replies “well it’s $5 to do it on the floor, $10 to do it on the couch, and $20 to do it on the bed.”

The man hands her a $20 bill.

The woman says “Bed! Good choice”

The man


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I accidentally filled the escort with diesel.

She died.

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Filled the Escort with diesel,

she died.

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What does a ladyboy escort and an ATM have in common?

You need money for the trans-action

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I just built onto something very creepy.

The doctor is on standby, ready to heal the BodyGuard, should he get injured, who is positioned right by the door, ready to defend against an intruder. The Jailor is in the centre of the room, having "fun" with an escort while being interrogated by the sheriff. With the Jailor, is the towns Mayor, who is being protected. All the meanwhile, the lookout is peeking in through the window wa


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I just got a job with the postal service

So I can call myself a mail escort

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I just got a job with the postal service

So I can call myself a mail escort

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A barber got arrested in my town

He sold drugs and ran an escort service. Just shows how little you know of the people around you. I never knew he was an barber.

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I'm a 25 year old virgin and I'm hoping that this is the year I get laid. My dad said he'd buy me an escort...

It's nice of him, but to be honest I don't see how a crappy old Ford is gonna help.

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Did you hear about the male escort who keeps killing his clients?

They call him Jack the Stripper

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A hairdresser got arrested for dealing drugs and running an escort service.

Unbelievable. Been a customer for years and I never knew he was a hairdresser!

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Wow a lot of police in my neighbourhood tonight...

Apparently, the barber got arrested. He was dealing in drugs and running an escort service. Crazy how you think that you know someone, have been customer for years! Never knew he was a barber too...

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An escort goes into a nail salon NSFW

An escort goes into a nail salon and asks the owner “I need my nails done, what’s the wait time?” The lady at the nail salon looks around and replied back “About 1hr”. The escort left without saying anything else and comes back three days later, and asks the same question again, to the nail salon lady “I need my nails done, what’s the wait time?” The


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I told my friend his wife could be an escort in the right attire.

"Really?" He said, "you think so?"
"Yeah of course" I said,
"a yellow flashing light and a WIDE LOAD sign would really suit her."

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What is the process of hiring a Shemale escort called?

A Transaction.

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What do you call an escort with a day planner?

Whorganized?

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I accidentally filled up my Escort with diesel,

She died.

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I used to have the best pick up line. I'd get an escort right to their bedroom most of the time. And after spending a few hours in their bedroom with them, they would even pay me for doing such an amazing job.

I miss telling people "I can fix your computer."

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I accidentally filled my Escort with Diesel

She died.

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