Erotic

Jokes

Every birthday I get an erotic cake that resembles a woman's breasts....

That way I can have my cake and eat tit, too!

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I find America's shape very erotic.

That's why I came to this country.

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What's the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic when you use a feather, kinky is when you use the whole chicken.

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I've almost killed myself by hanging many times. NSFW

Auto-erotic asphyxiation is a very dangerous fetish. But you know what they say, you jizz by the belt, you die by the belt.

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Studies show that prostitutes have higher levels of oxytocin than the average person.

Oxytocin is known to increase erotic vocalizations during sex. Scientists believe that this may be an adaptation to help with pleasing their clients.

It's a very powerful whore-moan.

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So I was reading an erotic novel, and the story started getting interesting.

You could say that the plot “thicc-ened “

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An erotic film features a bear covered in semen

The actor in the bear costume is cued to come in when he hears the keyword 'cucumber'

He later asks the director about the choice of cue word. The director simply says:
Cue Cum Bear

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I was going to tell a joke about auto erotic asphixiation.

But wouldn't hold your breath.

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Wife : how am i looking

Dad : ABCDEFGHIJK
WIFE : What do you mean?
Dad : Adorable, bomb, cute, delightful, erotic, Fab, glamorous and hot
Wife : oh my!!! Thanks ,and IJK?
DAD : I am Just Kidding.

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What do scuba divers wear when the mood gets erotic?

Wet suits.

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I dont quite know what it is about tight fitting shorts that turns me on so much.

Normally I wear a size L.

I wore a size M and it felt great at the start but the novelty soon wore off. I thought I’d really spice things up by squeezing into an S.

It was deeply erotic but they stopped the blood to my legs and hurt my testicles.

So I went to the doctors and luckily there was no long term damage.

He advised, your fetis


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I'm starting to think my hands are erotic.

I fuck up everything I touch.

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What's the difference between erotic and perverted?

Erotic is bringing a girl to orgasm with only a feather, perverted means the bird is still attached to it.

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What is the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.

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I went to meet a girl from Tinder. Her profile said she was into erotic enemas.

Turned out she was full of shit.


(Just thought of this one, you can probably guess where I'm currently posting from.)

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I've been making extra money on the side by creating erotic spreadsheets...

I don't feel great about it, but what can I say?

sExcels

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You have a very erotic voice.

It's fucking with my ears

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Erotic asphyxiation is confusing

I can't tell if people are coming or going

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A girl told me that I have a very erotic voice.

She said that it was fucking with Her ears

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What do you call it when your sex robot chokes you too hard and you die?

Bot-o erotic asphyxiation.

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A Japanese couple is arguing about how to have highly erotic sex

A Japanese couple is arguing about how to perform highly erotic sex: 
Husband: "Sukitaki. mojitaka!" 
Wife replies: "Kowanini! mowi janakpa!" 
Husband says angrily: "Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!" 
Wife on her knees literally begging: "Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!" 
Husband shouts angrily: "Na miaou k


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Studies show that prostitutes have higher levels of oxytocin than the average person.

Oxytocin is known to increase erotic vocalizations during sex. Scientists believe that this may be an adaptation to help with pleasing their clients.

It's a very powerful whore-moan.

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I was reading an erotic blogpost about how you can orgasm from hearing a sexy voice alone...

I stopped reading halfway through. It didn’t really speak to me, so I couldn’t finish.

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Whatd they call the movie about auto erotic asphyxiation?

Die Hard

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You know, Im into auto erotic asphyxiation, but there is one downside.

You can never really tell if your coming or going.

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What's the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is using a chicken feather. Kinky is using the whole damn chicken...

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How come erotic games are always digital downloads?

I just want a physical release.

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My mum caught me performing auto-erotic asphyxiation on myself.

Boy was my face red.

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Sex in the movies

A reporter is interviewing the audience's reaction to the newest R-rated erotic film.

Reporter: Sir, what do you think of the sex in the movies?

Man: Oh, I'm not into that.

Reporter: Why not, sir?

Man: That's what motels are for.

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The difference between erotic and kinky:

Erotic is when you use a feather.

Kinky is when you use the whole chicken.

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What's the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is using a feather, kinky is using the whole chicken.

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What do you get when you use the 3rd Unforgivable Curse on a pornstar?

Erotic cadaver.

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My girlfriend had never heard of auto-erotic asphyxiation

[deleted]

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What's the difference between erotic and kinky?

It's erotic if you use a feather, but it's kinky if you use the whole chicken!

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What's the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is when you use a feather, kinky is when you use the whole chicken

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What is the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.

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What do they say about building an erotic statue?

"If you build it they will come."

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I have decided to write erotic literature for premature ejaculators.

-----

Chapter 1

-----

He looked at her.

-----

The End.

-----

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A man comes home one day to his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen...

'What's wrong dearest?' asks the confused husband. 'Oh darling', sobbed the wife, 'I was cleaning little Susies room today and I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed along with a very erotic porn magazine! Whatever are we going to do??' 'Well', replied the man, 'I guess a spanking is out of the question?'


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(NSFW) Do you know what the difference between kinky and erotic is?

Kinky is when you take a feather and run it up and down the crack of a woman's ass. Erotic is when you suck the feather out of her ass.

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Did you hear about the man who was sexually attracted to cars?

He had an auto-erotic affixation.

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I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do?

One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen. "What's wrong, dearest?" asked the confused husband. "Oh darling," sobbed the wife, "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do?" "Well," replied


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There are 3 levels of sexual content in books

Suggestive, erotic, and best-selling novel

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What is the most erotic number?

"2110593"

"Why?"

"When 2 are 1 and don't pay at10tion, they'll know within 5 weeks whether or not, after 9 months, they'll be 3."

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What's the most erotic food you can eat by yourself?

Beef strokin'-off

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Chemistry joke!: what do protecting groups and more erotic protection have in common?

Too many unwanted products

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What's the problem with auto-erotic asphyxia?

You don't know if you're coming or going

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What's the difference between erotic amp kinky ?

Erotic is when you use a feather ; kinky is when you use the whole chicken.

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The beautiful mural

an american history professor decided that he wanted a large mural painted in his home. he called in a famous artist and explained to him that he wanted him to paint what he thought general custers last thoughts were during his last stand. he went on holiday and he returned see a mural of a large praying heifer with a halo above its head surrounded by many native americans in erotic sexual positi


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What's the difference between erotic and Kinky?

(/s Erotic is when you use a feather; kinky is when you use the whole chicken)

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