Encourage

Jokes

An I.C.E agent was chasing a Latino through a parking lot yesterday,

And I turned up the radio and sang at the top of my lungs to encourage his freedom run,

"Jesus take the wheel!"

The bastard took the next part too seriously.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Some people think the Alabama abortion law is too strict...

On the bright side, it's a great way to encourage men to practice sex when they fuck their daughters.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My husband once bought me a dress two sizes too small to encourage me to lose weight so I could fit into it.

When he gave me the dress, he said that he was "looking forward to seeing you in it."

So for his birthday, I bought him a coffin.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How do you get an emo off your balcony?

You encourage them

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do Jedi Knights say to encourage the use of analogies?

Metaphors be with you

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do the KKK and Nike have in common?

They encourage black people to run!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How do you encourage a Turkish person?

Pat them on the back and say "Ataturk!"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Scouting gone wrong

True story... The Boy Scouts of America have changed their name to Scouting BSA removing "Boy" from the name to encourage girls to join as they are now included.
This pissed off the Girl Scouts of America so bad they've created a new organization to encourage young boys to join called Brownies With Nuts.


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I want to encourage you all to not abuse alcohol.

And remember, neglect is a form of abuse.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why did the pastor encourage his entire congregation to go to an acupuncturist?

So, that they would become more holy.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Italy launched a hip new campaign to encourage young entrepreneurs: GenerationItaly

They couldn't stop talkin about "Gen-Italia"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Italy launched a hip new campaign to encourage young entrepreneurs: GenerationItaly

Soon the youth couldn't stop talkin about Gen-Italia

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I'm thinking of starting the first mountain climbing club to encourage African Americans participants.

We're going to call ourselves "Niggas With Latitude".

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The other day, my son was kicked out of the zoo,

The security staff found him throwing chocolates and flowers into one of the enclosures. He said he had found 'the love of his life' and just wanted to give her some tokens of his love. Naturally, I was very concerned about this sort of behavior and didn't want to encourage any relationship of this sort. So today, I went down to the zoo to discuss the matter and it completely c


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

It's been really though in Ninja Academy.

Glad I got a Ninja teacher who always encourage me everytime I think I can't keep going anymore: "You shuriken kid, you shuriken".

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Good ol'e USA

18: can I buy a bottle of wine?

USA: no that's illegal & irresponsible

18: can I go $50,000 into debt for education?

USA: we encourage it

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A girl asks her dyslexic friend her opinion about a guy thats asked her out. In a failed attempt to encourage her, she says...

“He’s a peeker!”

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

People in rfitness should be put in suicide watch

All they talk about is cutting. And encourage others to cut

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

When you put catnip in a scratching board to encourage cats to scratch it, you think its cute when they use it.

But I would think that from their point of view, it’s more like a crack addict that dropped a rock through a grate and is trying to get it back.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

There should be a Shingles vaccine campaign run to encourage vaccinations at a local level...

They could call it "Hot Shingles in your area"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

V

Ha, you thought this would be a repost, you uneducated scum. I will have you know that I would NEVER repost something just for karma. If you downvoted this post without looking at the rest, I encourage you to fix that. Furthermore, here is a joke that I made and NEVER reposted. V.


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Two Chinese Philosophers Argue

One had a long moustache and goatee (lets call him Sharp Ting) , and the other was muscular and had thick ragged skin from war but had only stubble (lets call him Big Wang).

Big Wang says: "The man who sees wisdom through only the lense of misery is neither wise nor prosperous!"

Sharp ting says: "And the man whom reconciles his smallness of manhood with a m


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

As I clean up, after my youngest child has thrown their food on the floor . . .

I remind myself that someday my child will encourage a carrot to develop the power of flight and it will all have been worthwhile.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you give an apprehensive person with bad breath?

An encourage mint.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did Simon's dad, Paul, say to his son to encourage him just before he went to compete in the National Leg Breaking Championships?

"Have a good one, son."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do Green Eggs and Ham, and Fifty Shades of Gray have in common?

They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why does Anna's mom encourage her daughter to experiment with sexuality?

Because she lives bicuriously through others .

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My wife gained more than 100 pounds during pregnancy, so I started walking 5 miles every day to encourage her.

It's been three months and now I'm over 300 miles away from home.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How do trees encourage one another?

They say "I'm rooting for you"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How do you encourage a bartender?

"That's the spirit!"

How do you discourage a bartender?

Boos.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do Green Eggs and Ham and Fifty Shades of Grey have in common?

They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A Captain's Ship was Under Attack.

The first hand, yelled towards the captain, "Sir we see an enemy ship headed our way!"

The captain responded, "Get me my red shirt!"

Bewildered as to such a strange request the firsthand asked why, and the captain responded,

"well you see its actually very clever, in battle if I get hurt the red shirt will mask the blood and encourage


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

An appeal to the Muslims who left America to go to Syria.

An appeal to the Muslims who left America to go to Syria.
Please come back.... and encourage other Muslims here to follow your lead.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How to Annoy Your Co-Workers

* Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

* Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you.

* Make up nicknames for all your co-workers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky.&q


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How to Annoy Your Co-Workers

1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you.
3) Make up nicknames for all your co-workers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you say to encourage someone who is masturbating?

You do you!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Easy way to earn money...tell your family you're collecting state quarters and encourage them to mail you what you might not have. Exchange at bank for cash.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How do you encourage a potter while he's glazing his bowl?

"Way to go dude, you're kiln it!"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

An old lady at the clinic.

Doctor: I'm afraid to tell you that you have Alzheimer's disease.
Old lady: What? No way! I played poker, did math problems, and everything to prevent this...
Doctor: It's OK ma'am. Just keep doing what you're doing to prevent your condition from worsening.
Old lady: Sure.
Doctor: I will also encourage you to write down things that may be me


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A monk joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence

To encourage reflection, the monks who vow silence are required to share one thought on the five-year anniversary with the head Monk.

After five years, the monk meets with the head monk and he says, "food is bland, should be spicy to engage our senses!"

Five years later, another thought, "Bed too hard, should be softer to allow easy rest to encourage res


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

U.S. vending machines to begin displaying calorie information to encourage smarter snack choices.

Machines’ reflective glass surface not doing the trick.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

For a series of games aimed at children...

Mario games sure do encourage swearing!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE