Embarrassed

Jokes

Why was Zeus embarrassed in his swimsuit?

Because of his thunder thighs.

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My friend caught me typing "trans-midget anal animal porn" into Bing

I was really embarrassed, and after 10 minutes of me begging and pleading with him, he finally agreed not to tell anyone that he'd caught me using bing.

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I remember how embarrassed I was when I couldn't pay my electric bill

It was the darkest day of my life

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The Queen takes the visiting pope for a ride in a carriage through London.

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A young girl is praying before bed on Christmas Eve...

"Dear God, please help me with my dyslexia, Mom and Dad had to help me with my list to santa. I almost asked Satan for my first bar. I was so embarrassed. Also, please be with those poorer and less fortunate than us. Amen"

And God said to the little girl, "Woof!"

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A woman takes a guy home from the bar.

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A man should only feel embarrassed twice in his life.

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A drunk in the bar

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says" Excuse me, you just farted before my wife." The drunks replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."


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Repayment

A guy asked a girl sitting alone at the library, "do you mind if I sit beside you?"

The girl answered with a loud voice, "NO! I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy and he was embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said,


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Two men are standing at the Pearly Gates

One man, Jim, turns to the man next to him, Tom. “So, what’s the reason you’re here?”
Tom: “I died of hypothermia. What about you?”
Jim: “well, I thought my wife was cheating on me, so I came home from work one day unannounced to catch her in the act. Turns out she wasn’t, so I got so stressed and embarrassed about it I had a heart attack


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A young man with 3 testicles goes to see a doctor

The man is really self-conscious about having 3 testicles, and he's afraid it can badly affect his health if he doesn't get himself checked, so he decides to see a doctor. However, he reckons that seeing a female doctor would be very awkward so he makes sure it is a male doctor he's seeing

**Man:** doctor, I have a very rare condition but I'm too embarrassed to sa


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I was really embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my sons train set. So I quickly threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

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I pooped my pants at work. I was so embarrassed, but everyone was really kind and supportive and even helped me out with a change of clothes.

"don't feel bad, we've all done it bud, think of it now as you're officially part of the amazon family"

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Two midgets decided to get prostitutes.

They each take one and go into their neighboring hotel rooms.

Things were getting hot and heavy but one of them couldn't get a woody. He felt a lot more insecure when he could hear his buddy yelling "here I come! 1-2-3!!! Almost there! Let's go again."

The next morning at breakfast he was telling his friend how embarrassed he was that he couldn't


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I was embarrassed when the nurse told me I had a boner the entire time I was in surgery.

I begged her “just don’t tell the patient”.

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Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up, nude, in a garden while a nude model danced before them.

and they were told that anyone whose bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The model danced before the first priest candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response until she got to the final. As she danced, his bell rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground. Embarrassed, he bent down to pick


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Kid is riding with his dad in a truck and sees two dogs doing it

The kid is like, "Daddy, daddy, what are they doing?!" The father is all embarrassed but thinks fast and tells the kid, "Well, son, they decided to make themselves a little puppy."

That night the kid goes to his parents bedroom and sees them having sex and asks them completely horrified, "Daddy, daddy, what are you doing to mommy?!" Father is extremely em


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My grandpa left band because he was embarrassed to empty his spit out of his instrument...

He played guitar

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My grandpa left band because he got embarrassed for emptying his spt

He played guitar

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Why are fire trucks red?

Because they are embarrassed to show the hose

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My parents walked in on me having sex

I was embarrassed, but my sister was mortified.

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A pastor is headed to Pittsburgh

A pastor is headed to Pittsburgh for a convention with his associate preacher and they decide to take the train.

At the station, the pastor tells his associate to have a seat while he purchases their tickets.

After standing in line at the ticket counter for an extended period of time, he's finally next in line to purchase the tickets for himself and his associate p


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After an hour of gathering up his courage, a shy guy finally approaches the attractive girl at the end of the bar. Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?

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*She yells, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight, you pig!”*

*Everyone in the bar stops and stares. Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table, redfaced.*

*After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. I’m a graduate stude


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My new girlfriend just told me what her fetish is, but Im too embarrassed to tell my friends.

But I better get this shit off my chest.

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Smoking in the rain !

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day


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Pwn'd

A guy is looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library. He asked a girl:

"Do you mind if I sit beside you?"

The girl replied in a loud voice:

"I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.


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I would donate blood more often, but I'm embarrassed about all the personal questions they ask

Like "who's blood is this?" and "how did you get so much?"

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Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain.

Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and
announces to the pharmacist that she want


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So this fish got a little too excited when it found a mating partner. So that he wouldnt be embarrassed

...it got itself deboned

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An apprentice mortician is doing his first solo.

It turns out to be a 95 yo woman who died of natural causes. The head mortician thinks it should be a simple one to start, so he leaves the apprentice to his work and heads to his office.

About an hour later, the apprentice comes and asks him for help.

“What is it?” The head mortician asks.

“She has a pickle between her legs, and I’


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This old man and woman had been married for 30 years.

In those 30 years, the woman had always insisted on the the lights being off when they had sex as she was embarrassed.

The man was thankful for this really as he was embarrassed too and scared that he couldn’t please her, so in the dark he always used a big dildo on her.

After all these years of sex, she still had no idea that’s what he did.


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A lady yells: "NO! I WON'T SLEEP WITH YOU PIG!". Everyone in the bar stops and stares...

Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table with a red face.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.

She smiles and says: "I'm so sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations."

To which the guy responds a


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You know how the call black asians "blasians"?

black russians must be really embarrassed

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Them: "don't you think you'll feel embarrassed by all your suicide jokes when you get older"

Me "when I what? "

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A young man moved into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe.



The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.

The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.


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A woman comes to a gynecologist for a checkup.

She seems to be very embarrassed and uncomfortable.

"Haven't you been examined like this before?" asks the doctor.

"Many times," she giggles, "but never by doctor."

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Explain the kids !!!

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the


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There were two fishermen....

The first fishermen was catching fish so fast they we're practically jumping straight into his bucket.

The second fishermen asked the first what his secret was. To which the first responded.

I have no wife, or girlfriend, I am a very lonely man.

The first fishermen didn't understand, and had an obvious look of puzzlement on his face.

Th


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At a party, an old lady was complaining about the behaviour of the youth of today.

'Look at the girl over there.' She complained, 'I don't know what young girls are coming to! She is wearing boys jeans, a boys shirt, and that hair cut is so boyish - you wouldn't know if she was a girl at all, would you?'. 'Well, as it happens I would', came the reply, 'because she is my daughter'. 'Oh dear', said the old lady embarrass


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I feel sorry for Joe Biden. What man hasn't occasionally made a woman feel uncomfortable and embarrassed?

Like that time I accidentally farted in the elevator.

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Knock knock...

Who's there?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange you embarrassed that the president can't even say the word "Origin?"

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True story

After our daughter went to bed, my wife and I were watching a “James Bond” movie and, after a bit, he took of his shirt and I, joking around, said to my wife: “Oh, you like that don’t you? You’re probably getting horny!”
Suddenly, I saw our kid behind the couch and she asked: “What’s being horny?”
Me and my wife were panicking, and


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Therapist, Don't you think you'll feel embarrassed by all your suicide jokes when you get older?

Me, “When I what?”

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I am so embarrassed! I was in my hotel room, on top of the covers naked, and the maid walked in on me...

...finally.

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How do a 25 person puts a what's app status to wish someone happy birthday and not be embarrassed about it?

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Why was the elephant embarrassed in the locker room?

Well... he was hug like a horse :/

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A very shy guy goes into a bar

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally,


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I ran into a beggar who turned out to be my college classmate

He was a little embarrassed at first. But after he realized that there's more cash in his tin can than I have in mine, he started acting all arrogant just like before.

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A mom tells her son a joke. The son is so embarrassed.

Son says "Mom, please don't make anymore jokes. You really can't make them."

Mom shrugs and replies, "Well- I did make you."

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I've grown embarrassed by my body.

I used to have a nice V going on my torso, but now it's more of a U.

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