Electric

Jokes

So there was a man who drove trains for a living

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My uncle used to own an ice cream shop, but he missed a single payment to the electric company.

They liquidated his assets.

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Yesterday, a homeless man approached me while I was checking the mail...

He said, "Sir, I hate to bother you, but I haven't eaten in nearly two days. Is there any way you can find it in your heart to give me a dollar or two?" I told him that I only had large bills. He said, "Hell, I'll take one of those!" So I looked through what I had in my hand, and I gave him my electric bill.


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There was a man who drove trains for a living.

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There was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living.

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I remember how embarrassed I was when I couldn't pay my electric bill

It was the darkest day of my life

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Alphabet of drivers on the road

Asshole in an Audi

Bastard in a BWM

Cunt in a caravan

Douchebag in a Dodge

Egomaniac in an Envoy

Fuckwad in a ford

Gasbag in a Golf

Huge homo in a Hummer

Idiot in an Isuzu

Jerk in a Juke

Kooch in a Kia

Lettuce licker in a leaf

Moron in


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I told my boss that three different companies were after me, and I needed a raise to stay at my current job.

"Do you mind me asking which companies?", he said. "Sure," I said. "Gas, Electric, and Cable".

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I told my boss that three different companies were after me, and I needed a raise to stay at my current job.

"Do you mind me asking which companies?", he said.

"Sure," I said. "Gas, Electric, and Cable".

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Hong kong protests? More like:

tiennamen square 2: electric boogaloo

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What do you call it when the valedictorian dies of an electric shock during his speech?

Electrolocution

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A Very Bad Train Driver and a Magical Banana

Once there was a train driver who was, shockingly, driving a train. He wasn't the best train driver and crashed into another train, which in turn killed one person. In his country, murder was punishable by death, so he was sent off to an electric chair to be killed. For his last meal, he requested a banana. He ate the banana, sat in the chair and waited...

*Bzzzzz!*


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Scientists have recently discovered that a pinnipeds external ear flaps carry an electric charge

If you put them on a seal, you get a seal ion.

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So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living.




He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the


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I once pissed on an electric fence..

.. My name was Trevor, now it's Tracy.

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So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living. (Long but worth the read)

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution


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Lawyers should never ask a Texas grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.


In a trial, a Texas small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you


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The following conversation took place while a prisoner was awaiting execution by electric chair.

Priest: Do you have any last requests?
Prisoner: Yes I do, can I hold your hand?

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There once was a man who drove a train for a living...

He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child.

He loved to make the train go as fast as possible.

Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash.

He made it out, but a single person died.

Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident.

He was found guilty, and was s


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How many BuzzFeed workers does it take to turn on an electric chair?



Thirteen. But number nine will shock you.

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So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living...

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution


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One of my Irish buddies tried to develop an electric car...

It didn't have great range as he couldn't get a long enough extension cord!

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So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living.

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution


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There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living...


There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living.

He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child.

He loved to make the train go as fast as possible.

Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash.

He made it out, but a single person died.

Well, needless to say,


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There was once a little boy who lived in a village...

and loved trains. Since young, he always loved the concept of trains and had his parents buy him lots and lots of trains. Toy trains, model trains, you name it, he had it. To no surprise, he grew up with a dream of being a train conductor. He worked hard, studied, and managed to get his dream job, a train conductor. However, one afternoon when he was conducting a train, the train swerved off track


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I used to get a nasty electric shock every time I touched something metallic.

But thankfully I’m cured.

I’m ex-static!

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When God closes a door, he opens a window.

My electric bill is through the roof.

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Shipwrecked

A married couple were enjoying a luxury South Sea cruise until their liner was shipwrecked and they were washed ashore on a desert island, the only survivors.

Day after day, they looked hopefully out to sea in the hope of spotting a passing vessel but none came. As boredom set in, they started to think about their home back in Arizona.

The wife asked, “Did you r


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A bus conductor was arrested as accused of murder. He was given electric shocks which had no effect on him

He surely was a bad conductor

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Tesla

You can't Tokyo Drift in a Tesla

You can only do the Electric Slide

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I always feel like theres something electric about meeting the girl I stalk

It’s probably the taser

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What did Albert Fish say before he was executed by the electric chair?

"Well, gentlemen, you are about to see a fried Fish".

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So there's a guy that works driving trains in Bulgaria...

and he is a reckless driver, killing 1 person in the wreck. he goes to court, and is found guilty and gets put to the electric chair. Now, in Bulgaria, if the electric chair doesn't harm you, then it is a sign of godly intervention. requesting 1 banana for his last meal, he goes on the electric chair, but after the zapping, he is unharmed, so he goes back to being a train conducter. again, he


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So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living...

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution


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The conservations I have with the girl I stalk are pretty electric

It's probably her taser gun

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What does a gangster on an island say when they see a non-electric car?

Madagascar

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I cleaned my electric fence this morning.

I was shocked that I was able to get it fully clean.

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An alcoholic train conductor derails a passenger train

After being arrested for being clearly drunk the man is trialed for the murder of over a hundred people who lost their lives in the derailment. He is sentenced to death by electric chair.

On death row he is asked for his last meal, for which he requests a banana. He is given his banana and he eats it shortly before being strapped into the electric chair. Enough electricity is pumped


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Did you hear about Buzzfeed's list of top ten electric poops?

Number 2 will shock you!

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How many BuzzFeed workers does it take to turn on an electric chair?



Thirteen. But number nine will shock you.

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A yogi asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?

"Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"

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Why are there no electric cars in Africa?

Because of madaGASCAR 🇲🇬

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Why are there no electric cars in Africa?

Because of madaGASCAR 🇲🇬

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In what way am I like an electric kitchen appliances?

Only women turn me on! H A H A G O T E M

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I asked my friend (who is in an electric wheelchair) if he wanted a beer

He said: "No thanks, I'm still driving".

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There was a man who drove trains for a living

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution


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All his life, Timmy wanted to be a train conductor.

He graduated top of his class in train school, and was hired by the most prestigious train company to conduct their new Super Train. This train could carry 1,000 passengers and was very expensive to manufacture.

Yet little Timmy had one fatal flaw. He has a very short attention span.

It just so happened that one day when Timmy was driving the train near a very sharp turn


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Why aren't labourers belonging to unions affected by electric shocks and lightning strikes?

Electricity flows through the path of least resistance.

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There was a band conductor who also right songs in North Korea

His name was Pok. He was quite famous in the industry so one day, Kim Jong Un approached him.

“Pok, write me an orchestra piece and play it for me with your group”, said Kim. Pok did, after a month, the private show was held.

Sadly, it was sh!t. Kim sentenced him death by electric chair for wasting his time.

In the execution room, Pok was seated a


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How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to start an electric chair?

13, but #9 will shock you!

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