Edge

Jokes

What do you call a small flaccid penis with pointy head?

Microsoft edge

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A man has been sitting on the edge of a rooftop garden on the 20th floor of where he works since 9 AM today thinking about whether to jump or not

It's now 5 PM and he's still on the fence.

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Bono and The Edge walk into a bar.

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A friend of mine believes that the Earth is flat. I challenged him to prove it by walking off the edge

He eventually came around!

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How do you catch a polar bear?

You cut a whole in the ice and put peas all around the edge. When the polar bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

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Why is it so easy to take off corners these days?

They use new cutting-edge technology

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Chester and Betty Cheese are having some trouble with their sex life

Chester and Betty Cheese are having some trouble with their sex life. Betty always has a headache when
Chester wants to make love. So Chester sends her to Doctor Feelgood, the psychiatrist, for treatment.
"It is simple to cure," says the shrink. "Whenever you feel a headache coming on, just sit on the edge of
your bed, and repeat over and over, `I have not got a he


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My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out.

So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush.

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Two guys are sitting in a bar on top of a cliff on the Pacific Ocean

They are all watching the birds fly down close to the water, catch the draft and fly all the way back up.

One of the guys then exclaims, “I bet you I can do the same thing as the birds; drop down, catch the draft and have it carry me back up.”

“No you can’t” the second guy explains, “that’s impossible”

So the fi


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Was exploring sexual fetishes

With my girlfriend. I was sitting on the edge of the bed debating whether or not to do it. My girlfriend looked at me and said "look urine or your out". I left after that. Now I know I'm not into that.

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One day a donkey fell into a well.

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The farmer couldn’t get him out, so he knew he had to cover him up. He called in his neighbors, and they all started to throw dirt down the well, but instead of burying the animal, the donkey would shake the dirt off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, the pile of dirt got so high that the donkey stepped over the edge of the well, got out and he ran over and bit the farme


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A man once said "you should live life on the edge"

Then he fell off his bed

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Two men are sitting at a bar. One says to another, "what do you do for work?"

He responds
"I work in gene therapy, exciting stuff, our last patient came in saying he could not please his wife, so we treated him with our cutting edge techniques. Now, he has a 10 inch penis! What about you?"
"Only about 7 and a half but my wife seems to like it"

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A physicist sees a guy standing at the edge of a building about to jump.

He shouts:

"Don't do it! You have so much potential."

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A 14 year old goth girl who practices self harm

Now that´s what I call cutting edge.

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What is the weapon of choice for straight-edge terrorists?

A Molotov Mocktail

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Lunchtime on the construction site and....

...Dave says, "Hey Daryl tell the crew how you made a fast $50 this morning!"

"It was weird!", says Daryl. "I was on the 23rd floor and bumped a brick off the edge, I immediately yelled out "FALLING BRICK!!!. There was a lady standing at the bus stop below, she heard me, stepped to the side and the brick crashed to the ground right where she'd been s


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During lunch break on a high rise construction site....

...Dave says, "Hey Daryl tell the crew how you made a fast $50 this morning!"

"It was weird!", says Daryl. "I was on the 23rd floor and bumped a brick off the edge, I immediately yelled out "FALLING BRICK!!!. There was a lady standing at the bus stop below, she heard me, stepped to the side and the brick crashed to the ground right where she'd been s


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Three guys were standing on the roof of the Empire State Building.

The first said: "You know, the wind currents here in New York are so strong that you could step off the edge of this building and literally float in mid-air due to the upward thrust of the thermal air current"

"You're crazy", said the second guy.

"You don't believe me?", said the first. "Watch this"

And with t


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One day a chicken saw a duck standing by the edge of the road looking at the other side...

The chicken walked over to the duck and said “ don’t do it pal you will never here the end of it.”

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A man had the worst day of his life, so he decided to go to the new bar...

the bar was located on the roof of one of the tallest buildings in the city, the man sat down, and told the bartender all his problems, how he had lost his job, his wife cheated on him, everything. He drank for hours, almost until it was closing time.

There was another man who had been listening from across the bar, he came over and told him; "You should try this drink they have,


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I can't get Mirror's Edge to work on my computer and it's pissing me off.

My friend told me the game runs on windows.

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Two guys come up to a railroad trestle

Two guys walking through the woods come upon a railroad trestle. They peer over the edge and cannot see the bottom at all.

One of the two grabs a rock and throws it off the side. As they both listen - they hear nothing. In shock at how deep it is - they go find an even bigger rock and toss it off the edge.

Same result. Nada. Nothing. No sound

They find


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While hiking at the Grand Canyon for the first time, my girlfriend was inspired by the view.

She confidently walked up to the edge and she turned to me and said "Ya know, I really want to make a difference. I really want to make an impact on this world."

...All she needed was a little push in the right direction.

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Chicken sitting on the edge of a bed...

...smoking a cigarette, content. Egg laying on the bed looking frustrated. The egg says well... I guess that answers THAT question!

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A brazillian was hanging on a edge

and the American was standing there.

The Brazillian kept saying "push me push me" and the American said no.

the American then pushed the Brazillian.

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One thing I wonder about chemtrails is...

...what happens when they fall off the edge of the world?

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Three men were at the gates of heaven, but there...(Fav)

... was only room for one person. St Peter asked each of them how they died, and the best story got through.

Man 1: I was adamant my wife was cheating. I came up to my apartment on the 24th floor and walked in, only to find my wife by herself. I was pleasantly surprised until I saw a man hanging off the edge of the balcony by just his fingers. I went over to him with a hammer and hit


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A blind man goes to the grand canyon and walks out on one of the overhang viewing platforms.

He picks up his seeing eye dog and starts swinging the dog over his head on the edge of the precipice. The park guide (being instructed to always be helpful) and a little flustered,asks if he needs help with anything.
No no we are good...I'm just have a look around.

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Did you hear about the new Star Wars Galaxy's Edge theme park?

Turns out Alderaan's not far away. It's Californ-vacation.

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Jesus and Saint Peter are playing golf...

...and a group has been trying to play through for the last few holes.

Jesus and Saint Peter come up to a hole with a water hazard right through the middle of the fairway. Saint Peter is up first, and says, "I'm going to play this just like Arnold Palmer, and hit it right up to the water's edge, then over and onto the green." He lines up his shot, and just as he sa


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I know how to deal with all of the stupid antivax people!

Push them off the edge of the earth!

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"The only ones who truly know where the edge is have already gone over."

"This is a nursing home for the blind Karen!! What the fuck have you done you stupid bitch!?"


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\*Pardon my french ladies.

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At the ceramic tile factory they have employee parties where they make the tiles stand on edge. Instead of commending the skill involved they make fun of eachother.

It is an erect tile diss function.

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Casual sex Vs Sex with feelings involved

Post to r/money:

>u/_cg88
>I'll start saying I have nothing against casual sex. I've done it. Everything was good for it, and I've made bank doing it.
>
>The thing is, I developed this conviction that sex is way more productive with feelings involved. When the other person feels comfortable with your presence and is real


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I once tricked a guy into plummeting off a cliff by throwing a fake stack of $100 bills over the edge...

...couldn't believe he fell for it!

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I like to live on the edge

So I wait to eat food until the first day it expires.

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What did people say when scissors were invested

They were the cutting-edge of technology

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We all have that one thing that pushes us over the edge

Mine was the Grand Canyon Tour Guide

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Lady Gaga runs away from a serial killer near Niagara Falls

When the serial killer approaches her, she jumps off the edge shouting, “I’m off the deep end, watch as I dive in!”

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Lady Gaga is running away from a serial killer near Niagara Falls

When the serial killer approaches her, she jumps off the edge shouting, “I’m off the deep end, watch as I dive in!”

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Just saw Endgame and I am furious!

I paid $17.50 for my seat and only used the edge.

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There are two olives on top of a table chatting with each other

One olive steps back and falls off! SPLAT! The olive on the table runs over to the edge and looks down “OH GOD NO! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!”
The olive down below opens his eyes looks up and says...... “Olive”

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One evening an old farmer decides to go down to his pond.

He hasn’t been there in months, and feels the urge to check on things. As he gets closer, he hears loud giggling coming from the pond. He is shocked to find a bunch of young women skinny-dipping.

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“Hey, what’s going on here?” he shouts, alerting the women who were standing at the water’s edge. All of the women scream in shock


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Where is the best place to have sex with a sheep ?

edge of a cliff, so it pushes back harder....

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Why did Bono fall off the stage?

He got too close to The Edge.

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A man is standing on the edge of a bridge, about the commit suicide.

He is prepared to die, but at the same time he is somewhat hesitant. Bystanders call the police and they arrive shortly. Taken to the megaphone from a distance, an officer says: “Step down, son. You have so much to live for!”
The man agrees then steps down, only to quickly resume his position on the edge once again.
“Come on, boy, think of what your mother would say,


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Did you hear about the wrestler who had a really itchy head?

Those lice were really living on the Edge

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Three men are standing on a cliff

Each of them came here for the same thing, to jump off into the abyss. Suddenly a genie appears and tells them that instead of ending their life, they may each choose something to become instead.

They agree and the first man steps up to the edge. He jumps while proclaiming "EAGLE!" transforming on the spot and flying off into the distance.

The next leaps off w


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My mother-in-law saw an old person struggling to cross the street.

She turned to her daughter and said, 'Honey, if I *ever* get that old, just wheel me to the edge of a cliff and push me off.'

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So I said, 'I'd rather not wait that long.'

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