Door

Jokes

Rabbit, Turtle, and Buzzard all lived together in the desert.

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A man was looking for a job

A man was looking for a job. The only issue was that he had a harelip, so he was hard to understand. One day, he sees a man walking up the street selling laundry detergent door to door, and approaches him. The man says in a cracking voice, "excuse me sir, are you hiring?" The salesman replies, "I don't think you're cut out for the job." The man persists and finally, t


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A man, a pub and a dare

A man goes to a pub for a drink and spies on the counter a glass jar filled with $50 notes.
"bartender, what's this then" the man asks while pointing to his favourite ale on tap.
"oh, that's for the local dare we got set up, put in $50, you do three things and you get the whole jar. First you have to knock out the bouncer at the Pink Panther club down the roa


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An actor gets his first big break...

"Hark, for yonder art thou cannon," the actor states. The part only had the one line.

The director looks excited. "Perfect!" he yells. "You have the job."

"Awesome, when do-" the actor starts before being interrupted by 2 large security guards. They pick him up by the arms and legs and shuffle off-stage. They carry him outside, wher


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A principal notices a Post-It on a locker.

"Jocks of JFK High! This small change in diet can boost your physique FOREVER!! Head to the gym to find out what!"

Puzzled, he pulls it off and continues down the hall. Just a few lockers down, another catches his eye:

"Hey goth girls! Tired of dark eyeliner that just runs all day? One simple trick will fix it! Find out in the gym!"

*Ok, I


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Like my Grandad always said "As one door closes, another one opens"

Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.

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There are two prawns swimming in the ocean

One is called Justin, the other is called Christian.

Being prawns, they were both scared of sharks.

The sharks always chased them and made their lives miserable.

Justin said, "I hate being chased by these sharks; I hate being a prawn. I wish I was a shark."

Suddenly, I magical cod appears and grants the prawn's wish.

J


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A teacher asks the kids

In her third grade class: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Little Aaron says, “I want to start out as the world’s best fighter pilot then be a billionaire and go to all the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Cocacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an in


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Melting butter on the stove when the cops broke down the my door.

Charged me with putting a stick in a non-stick pan.

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An angry mother started bashing her neighbor's door in, the confused man opened the door and asked her what was wrong...

"Your son has been playing doctor with my daughter" she sobbed...

The man gave her an awkward smile "My little Timmy is becoming a man, I'm so sorry, you know boys and their hormones..."

The woman started screaming at him and hitting him with her bag "What do hormones have to do with your son removing my daughter's appendix with power to


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A Preist, A Rabbi and A Minister walk into a bar..

not realizing it was lower in the door frame than they had expected.

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Two Irishmen are going out for a drink...

It was Friday night, and Mick and Seamus were trying to figure out where to go.

"I know!" says Seamus, "There's this great pub across town we ought to try."

"What's so great about it?" asks Mick.

"Well, when you first walk in the door, they give you a free drink. They you go upstairs for a free shag. When you get b


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A man from the Census Bureau knocks on an apartment door in the projects

A black woman answers the door and the man asks, "Excuse me, Ma'am, how many people live here?"

The woman replies, "Me and my 12 children".

"Wow" the man exclaims, "I had better go get an extra record sheet so I can write down all of their names".

"No, you won't need to" she says, "I named them


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Got written up for being moody at work today. They told me to leave my problems at the door...

That door is gonna need a shitload of therapy.

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Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool

so I gave him a glass of water.

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Why should you always knock on the refrigerator door before opening it?

There might be a salad dressing.

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Three elderly women were discussing the problems of growing old.

One said: "Sometimes I find myself in front of the refrigerator with a jar of mayonnaise and I can't remember if I'm putting it away or making a sandwich."
Another said: "And I can trip on the stairs and not remember if I was walking up or down."
"Oh well I don't have those sort of problems, touch wood," said the third, tapping her Knuckles


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Growing up, the family next door were all giants.

I always looked up to them, but for some reason they always looked down on us.

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When is the only time a guy can multi task?

When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time!

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A general orders to two of his soldiers: "Guard this ammo storage room and whenever someone enters, shoot him!"

He leaves the object, closes the door... But after he closes, he realizes he wants to add something. So he opens it again and goes inside:

"Even if it was m-"

Rattatatta.

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Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world.

In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did.

Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple:

"Who is it?"

"It's Mark" Jesus op


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When is a door not a door?

When it's a-jar

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A young man knocks on a door.

As an old guy opens the door, the young man says "Hi, my name is Torvik and im here to fuck your daughter" to wich the old guy responded "To what!?" the young man yelled "Torvik"

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A woman hears someone knock at the door.

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Three worshippers set out one day to serve their Gods

Eager to prove their devotion, the three worshippers go their separate ways.

First is Bliss, a proud Jehovah's witness. She stays in her neighborhood, visiting door-to-door to save her community's souls.

Next is Chris, a Mormon missionary. He visits Zimbabwe to spread the good word to faraway lands.

And last is Th'iss, a traditional Muslim. I&#


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Schlock

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Little Timmy is in bed and hears a noise

Its the week before Xmas, he gets out of bed and walks down the hallway to his parents room. He opens the door and he see's his Dad taking his Mom doggystyle. Dad notices Timmy, looks down, winks and says;

"Back to bed lad, theres a good boy"

And off Timmy goes...

A few days later Timmy wakes up again hearing another noise. He wanders down the


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A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the wild west

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A mafia capo caught his wife with her lover at his house.

He grabbed the guy's hair and pulled him outside where a big black Mercedes was parked on the driveway. Behind the wheel, there was a huge bald guy wearing shades. Fuming Capo opened the back door and shoved the frightened guy on the back seat.
"Take this piece of shit to the woods and fuck him in the ass!", than he slams the door shut.

Two seconds later the do


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A mafia capo caught his wife with her lover at his house.

He grabbed the guy's hair and pulled him outside where a big black Mercedes was parked on the driveway. Behind the wheel, there was a huge bald guy wearing shades. Fuming Capo opened the back door and shoved the frightened guy on the back seat.
"Take this piece of shit to the woods and fuck him in the ass!", than he slams the door shut.

Two seconds later the do


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I'm sick of guys lying about their height on tinder

So I stole one of those "must be this tall" height markers from an amusement park and sat it next to my front door just to be sure

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I told the psychologist, "Sure, my sense of chronology is fine!"

Then I knocked on his door and went into his room.

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Once a guy had a very important presentation.

He was getting late and couldn't find a spot to park his car. In desperation he began to pray to God.

"Oh God! If you find me a parking spot I promise to go to church every Sunday, I will not flirt with Sally next door and will never touch whiskey again."

Just as he finishes his prayer he sees a nice little spot to park his car. He said to God,


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A newspaper boy knocks on a woman's door to collect his money

The woman answers the door wearing a very sheer negligee. He asks for his two dollars and she says she has no cash on her, but maybe they can work something out.

The newspaper boy sighs and unzips his pants to reveal an 9 inch cock. They get down to business but the newspaper boy is only putting a few inches in her with every stroke.

The woman says "It's okay,


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A man was driving when his car breaks

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night? The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a very strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell yo


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A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says

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Two golfing buddies where out golfing one day

Tim owned a house on a gold course right in on the 7th hole. One day, Bob and Tim where golfing and when they got to the 7th hole, Bob leaned over to Tim and said "You know Tim, if you opened your patio door and your front door, you could get a eagle on this par 5." Tim, thinking it over, decided to open up his patio door and front door, and took the shot. His swing was off and went thro


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This monk story my dad told me a couple of years ago, I remember it being on facebook or something

**Get your popcorn ready**

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night? The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a very strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound


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Who's Your Partner?

Little Johnny is walking down the hall when he hears a noise from his parents room. He knocks on the door and asks his mom what's going on. "Playing cards," she replies. "Who's your partner?" asked little johnny. "Your father!"

Content with his answer, Little Johnny walks further down the hall towards his room when he hears the same noise comi


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Two guys at my door told me I "need to be saved", or else I'll "burn"....

Those pesky firemen.

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A Cowboy rides up to a Saloon in the old west. An old man is sitting out front, whittling a stick...

...The Cowboy rides up, jumps down and ties up his horse. Then he walks around to the back of it, lifts up it's tail and kisses it right on the butthole.

The old man sees this and is shocked. When the cowboy approaches the front door, the old man says, "Damn son, that sure was a peculiar thing you did there. Can I ask why you did that?"

The cowboy replies,


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Two golfing buddies where at the golf course

Tim owned a house on a gold course right in on the 7th hole. One day, Bob and Tim where golfing and when they got to the 7th hole, Bob leaned over to Tim and said "You know Tim, if you opened your patio door and your front door, you could get a eagle on this par 5." Tim, thinking it over, decided to ope up his patio door and front door, and took the shot. His swing was off and went throu


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Rape Joke

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The Jewish Dog Cat Bible Pizza Neighbors Plants Rape Joke

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The Jewish Dog Cat Bible Plant Pizza Rape Joke (a.k.a. The Neighbors' Divorce)

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The Neighbors' Divorce

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The Neighbors and How They Divorced

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How the Neighbors Divorced

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One, two, unbuckle my shoe. Three, four, close the door.

Five, six, pick up chicks. Seven, eight, lay them straight.

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The Pizza Cat Bible Jewish Rape Joke

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