Donkey

Jokes

A man goes to a blacksmith and asks for a job

The blacksmith asks "I don't know, have you ever shoed a horse?"
The man replies "no, but I told a donkey to fuck off once."

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Donkey walked through corn field, it was so hot, corn started to pop into popcorn, donkey though it was snow

And he froze to death

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Donkey walks through corn field, it was so hot, corn started to pop into popcorn, donkey thought it was snow

And he froze to death

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My friend rudely exclaimed that I should be more affectionate to my donkey.

She pretty much told me to kiss my ass!

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Do you have any experience shoeing horses?

\- No, but I once told a donkey to fuck off.

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Some guy with a donkey trailer nearly ran me off the road. Don't know where he's going...

...but he was haulin' ass to get there.

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I'd definitely go to the party organized by a Kangaroo and a Donkey..

Its going to be Kick-Ass!

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What do you call a colonoscopy on a donkey?

An assassin.

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What do you call a frightened baby donkey?

A chicken burrito.

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Did you hear about the man who got hit by rocks while riding a donkey?

He was stoned off his ass...

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What do you get when you mix a donkey with peanut butter?

A piece of ass that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

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What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?

A Kick-Ass

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The BBC does a special on the oldest man in Scotland

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What's the difference between a donkey and a ass?

I didn't fuck your wife's donkey last night.

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Did you hear about the man with a rooster, a hen and a donkey?

He asked a guy on the street, "Hey, can you hold my cock and pullet, while I scratch my ass?"

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Why did Hulk Hogan and Donkey Kong meet at the same time?

They were both in court for copyright claims filed against them.

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What does an animal lover do when they are threatened with the phrase "I'm gonna kick your ass"?

They go and protect the nearest donkey they can find.

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I was going to make a donkey joke

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Why cant they teach drivers ed and sex ed on the same day in Mexico?

They had to give the donkey a break at some point

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What do you call a donkey with one leg?


A wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye?
A winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye making love?
A bonky winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while breaking wind?
A stinky bonky winky wonky donkey

What do you ca


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NSFW Mehmet and the sultan long (on mobile, sorry for formatting)

One day the sultan was walking around his kingdom when he stumbled upon Mehmet, the local merchant. Surprised by the vision in front of him, Mehmet naked, bending in all directions and angles, with a loud and deep voice, the sultan roared!
-WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING, MEHMET???
-Well hello sultan, I'm trying to fuck myself of course. But as you can see, it's not so easy.


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If Gordon Ramsay ever becomes bankrupt...

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What's the difference between PETA and a donkey?

The donkey does something useful, but they're both asses

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Donkey balls clock

So an American man is wondering around Mexico and begins to wonder what time it is. The American spots a Mexican man having a siesta and decides to wake the Mexican. The American man asks, "Senor, do you know what time it is?" The Mexican man looks to a donkey beside him, places his hand on the donkey's balls and lifts them up for a second, then releases the donkey's balls. The


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If I ever get a donkey I'm going to name it Hoatie so it will be named after someone famous...

This way I can call it Donkey Hoatie

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An Imam and a Rabbi are walking through the desert when they see a very comely donkey...

The Imam turns to the Rabbi and says "Let's go fuck that donkey!"

The Rabbi says "Out of what?"

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One day a donkey fell into a well.

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The farmer couldn’t get him out, so he knew he had to cover him up. He called in his neighbors, and they all started to throw dirt down the well, but instead of burying the animal, the donkey would shake the dirt off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, the pile of dirt got so high that the donkey stepped over the edge of the well, got out and he ran over and bit the farme


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A preacher sees a man going at it with a donkey...

So there's this preacher driving to church one day, when he sees a man outside having sex with a donkey. He doesn't have time to stop and talk to him, so he vows to return after his sermon.

That afternoon, as he returns to talk to the man, he sees that he is now having sex with a sheep. He goes up to the man's house and knocks on the door to see if anyone else is ho


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So a nun wants to enter a horse race, but horses cost a lot of money.

So instead, she buys a donkey and enters him in the race, and he wins first place. On that day, the newspaper reads, ‘Nun’s ass wins first place’. On the next day, she enters the donkey in the race again, but he doesn’t win, and on that day the papers read, ‘nun’s ass chokes’. On the next day, the booker scratches the donkey from the race, meaning he can&r


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EYEUP!!!

Don't mind if I seem like a bit of a Donkey, my parents told me last night I wasn't supposed to be made.

I

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I just saw a guy riding a bike while trying to sell a donkey.

He was peddling his ass all over town.

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My donkey just died guys...

I wish I was lying but like dead ass

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A farmer and his donkey take the train.

A farmer and his donkey take the train to the big city. The farmer refuses to leave the donkey behind because he distrusts his neighbors, so he brings it with him. At the train station he's told he cant bring the animal onboard, so he takes it outside and ties it with a rope to the back of the train. He gets on board and shortly after the train departs. An hour or two later the train arrives,


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A farmer's only donkey ran away in the forest.

He packed up a few days ration and ventured into the jungle to find his animal. He searched and he searched but he couldn't find it, so he decided to retire for the night. He climbed up a tree, tied himself to the trunk so he doesn't fall down.

Just as he was about to sleep, he heard some rustling below the tree. He looked down below and saw a couple making love in the nearb


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God inventing horses

Make a sexy donkey

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Who is the most famous donkey in history?

Donkey-ottie

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Jonesey bought a donkey from Brathwaite, an old farming partner for $300

Brathwaite agreed to deliver the donkey the following day.
One day later Brathwaite drove up and said

“Sorry Jonesey, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.”
“Well give me back my money.” Said Jonesey
“Worse news boy, I spent it already...”
“Ok then, give me the dead donkey”
“...What are you goi


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A Caucasian Man Saw an Asian in a Bar

The Caucasian man said to the Asian...

"Hey, what ese are you: Japanese, Chinese, or Vietnamese."

The Asian responded...

"I'm Korean. You, what ey are you: donkey, monkey, or Yankey?"

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What did the smartass say to the dumbass?

I don't know, I don't speak donkey.

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A US Sailor is in a Mexican harbor town

He's a bit concerned about what time it is so he isn't late to get back on board.
He sees a Mexican with a Donkey taking a siesta against the wall. He asks the guy if he knows what the time is.
The Mexican then takes the donkey by the balls, lifts them a little and says 'Si - is two-thirty signor'

The sailor is amazed - 'Aw man that's amaz


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A Stud Stallion owners truck breaks down in the middle of no where, in the middle of the night. Long

He rings rings a tow truck and explains the situation, he’s told that his truck won’t be able to be fixed until the morning. So he gets out of his truck puts a lead on his horse a lead and walks towards the light of a nearby farm. He knocks on the door and is greeted by the farm owner. He explains the situation and he’s allowed to stay, he then explains how he has an elite stud s


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I don't know what to say.

A beautiful young woman from the countryside wanted to visit the big city but had no way of going there. She spots a young man on a cart being pulled by a donkey and asks for his help.

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"I'm sorry, ma'am. The city is just too far away and I can't take you there for free.", he replies.

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The


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People say holy cow

But shouldn’t they say holy donkey?

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An American is on a business trip to Mexico and has the first day off.

He decides he wants to ride a donkey, a traditional Mexican thing.

He asks this local man if he can rent a donkey for the day. The man says, "Gringo we call them asses here in Mexico. If you want him to stop though you need to scratch him." The American agrees and pays the Mexican man his money and rides away.

The man then decides that he wants something t


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There was a man who found a very intelligent donkey.

The man noticed the donkey was interested in magic, and so taught it some magic tricks. The donkey became so good at magic, the man decided to give the donkey a magic show.

The man rented out a theater and decided to give free admission to kids. However, part of the sign was stolen. The next morning, the man was horrified to see the sign now read, "DONKEY SHOW. KIDS WATCH FREE!&q


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You ever eat donkey?

I hear it tastes like ass

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My first joke on this sub, hope you like it. I call it: Soldier's needs.

Soldiers serving time on a mission in the outskirts of a town close to some villages and right on the brink of a desert.

One day a new **commanding officer (CO later)** arrives tellin the soldiers he is gonna take over command of their squad. When he walks through their camp he notices they have a few donkeys tied to a poll and asks one of the soldiers to what purpose?

*


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A nun buys a donkey and enters it in a local horse race

Remarkably, the donkey is incredibly quick and manages to win. The local paper reads \*Local nun has winning ass\*.


She enters it into a second race, and again it wins. The local paper reads \*Nun has best ass in town\*.


The priest is annoyed by these headlines, but the prize money is seriously helping the church, so he tries to ignore it. After a regio


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My Dad told me stabbing a Donkey is easy

It turned out to be a real pain in the ass.

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A dwarf walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a donkey and says "my wife has left me and I'd like your finest lady for the night."

The madam says "no problem, but what's with the honey comb and the mule?"

The dwarf replies, "My wife found a magic lamp and the genie granted her three wishes. She asked for a home fit for a queen and she was given this honey comb. Then she asked for the finest ass in all the land and this donkey appeared. Then she asked for my willie to hang below my knee."


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