Disease

Jokes

A depressed, anorexic girl asked me what she could do to help overcome her disease and get on the path to health and happiness.

I said, "You're never gonna bulimia when I tell ya."

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I took a cheap flight earlier this week and it must have caused this type of pneumonia in me

Because the doctor said I had Allegiant Air's disease

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Doctor

According to mythology, Chiron was half horse, half-human, as well as a doctor.
He was the original Centaur for Disease Control

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I found out recently that I have a disease which causes me to say inappropriate jokes.

Caught it from the faggy blacks

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When Mad cow disease was going around, noone knew what to do.

It was utter madness.

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NSFW (Long) Little Johnny Goes to the Bordello

Little Johnny went to the local bordello with his entire savings.

Johnny: Madam I would like to have the most disease infested woman you got here.
Madam: why son, with that amount of money, you can have any girl here.
Johnny: Madam, I still want the most disease infested woman you got.
Madam: Okay kid, but I warned you.

Johnny went down the hall and retu


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I may have Alzheimers disease

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I thought I had a good joke about a contagious disease but I was wrong.

It didn't go viral.

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What disease do you catch running in the jungle?

10k Fever.

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TIL Thanks to the American medical system children diagnosed with cancer no longer die from the debilitating disease.

They usually die from malpractice complications instead.

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Have you developed a horrible disease from the soy leg hemoglobin found in the Impossible Burger?

Call our law firm today, we beat the meat

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What do you get when you eat 1kg of salt?

A heart disease

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Whats the number one sexually transmitted disease among wizardry students?

Hog warts.

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Chiron, being half horse and half human doctor

was a centaur of disease control.

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Theres a new help group for those who suffer from Chrons disease or IBS who want to learn to knit or crochet

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Mad Cow Disease

A Sexy Female TV reporter, with Big boobs, interviews a farmer, seeking the cause of Mad Cow disease.


Lady: Sir, we are here to get info on what causes Mad Cow Disease. Do you have any idea?


The farmer said, "Do you know that a Bull screws a Cow only once a year?"


Lady : (embarrassed) "Well, that's a piece of valuab


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A kid walks into a whore house holding a dead and squished frog.



He walks up to the front desk and sets his dead frog up on the counter top. The lady at the desk says, we don't allow kids here. The kid puts a wad of cash on the counter and the woman replies, "ok what do you want"?

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The kid says, "I want to have sex with the nastiest girl here that has the most STD's I can get&qu


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What do you call a racist with celiacs disease?

Black toast intolerant.

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Dad: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valet when they grow up!

Doctor: wow that's the worse case of parking sons disease I've come across.

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I know how to stop anti-vaxxers

Become a disease

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All my sons want to grow up to become valets..

Seems to be an extreme case of parking sons disease.

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Two cows are in a field.

Two cows are in a field. One says to the other, "What do you think of this mad cow disease?" The other replies, "I don't know, I'm a duck.

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A man and woman were about to "get it on"

He starts to take his shoes and socks off when she cries out,

"Oh shit,what happened to your feet?"

He replies,"Oh that.I had tolio."

"You mean polio don't you?"

"No.It just infected my toes."

Thinking nothing of it he begins taking off his pants.

"Oh my,What happened to


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Dad: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!

Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking sons disease I have ever seen.

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(NSFW) I have celiac disease, and my BDSM wife likes to tie me up and feed me wheat bread...

I’m a gluten for punishment.

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If you slide down a sewer pipe, you might get a disease, but you might not.

It's a real crap-chute.

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When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

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Never kiss a bird

You might end up with chripes. Which is a canareal disease, that isn't tweetable.

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What do you call a communist that has aids?

Sickle cell disease.

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I wanted to tell An Alzheimer's disease joke but...

I don't have time for this shit.

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What do you call a boner with venereal disease?

firewood

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One day a man discovered that his left testicle has turned blue.

So he went to his doctor. After examining, the doctor said it had to be cut off. He followed the procedure and returned home incomplete. The next morning he finds his right (middle) testicle and dick has turned blue too. He went to his doctor and sadly had to lose his package. Then the next day his thighs turned blue too. He went to the doctor thinking the disease must be spreading still. This tim


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Why do they call it PMS?

Because mad cow disease was already taken

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Would you consider anime a drug...

...or the disease?

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What disease is rampaging Canada?

Hepatitis Eh

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Doctor: do you want the good news or the bad news?

Me: good news please

Doctor: We are naming your disease after me!

Me: What?

Doctor Dickwarts: What?

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South of the border is a sea of violence, hate, corruption, disease, and division I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

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Doctor: do you want the good news or the bad news?

Me: good news please

Doctor: we’re naming a disease after you

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An original title

Did you all hear about the disease that you can get from salmon. It's called Chickenella

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I got this awful disease where I cant stop telling airport jokes.

**The doctor says it’s terminal.**

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My next joke is called heart disease.

Statistically 2/3 of you won't get it.

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I am surprised scientists havent studied me because I am immune to STDs

Not the disease part

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What disease do most bees have?

Dia-bee-tes

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A guy goes to the doctor.....

.....he is told that he has Tom Jones disease.
“Tom Jones disease? Is that rare?” The guy asks looking worried.
The doctor jumps on the table, shakes his hips and says “It’s not unusual”.

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What if earth is flat, vaccine create disease

godzilla is a god and terminator is a villian.

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Whats the plural of bacon?

Heart disease

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When I was little, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive..

It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

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Great news!

The doctor told me I'm gonna have a disease named after me!

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What is a disease that kills 50 of its infected called?

Tethanos

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What type of disease is common on Instagram and Twitter?

Influenza.

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