Disability

Jokes

What do you call a month with a disability?

*Augustic*

(I just made that up! How bad is it?...)

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For decades now I'm struggling to find success in dating because of the physical disability I have.

It's called 'being ugly'.

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Me and my sister were on a nature trail. I said I wish Id brung my bike. My sister said Youre not allowed to cycle. I said But they are? I pointed to a disability sign

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What's a midget with a mental disability?

A little down.

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It's 2019 now. "Flame Retardant" is not OK anymore.

Some things simply have a burning disability.

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Disability benefits are really bad at the moment

I have a friend who’s a dwarf and he’s struggling to put food on the table.

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Beethoven was amazing despite his disability

One could say he was deaf-defying

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I have a condition where I start masturbating whenever I'm put under stress

Apparently I should have disclosed that disability *before* I got hired

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Did you hear about the person who crossed the road without looking both ways?

They had a disability plan

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An IQ below 70 qualifies you for having an intellectual disability

Now I just need to figure out if that's in Celcius or Fahrenheit

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Never let a disability get in the way of your dreams.

Just look at Beethoven. Everyone said he couldn’t be a musician because he was deaf. But did he listen?

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Microsoft did a commerical for a disability controller, I wonder how they did the casting.

Wanted disabled kid for a commercial must know a Fortnite dance.

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Don't let anyone convince you you cannot do something because of your disability. Beethoven was told he could never be a musician, but he didn't listen.

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What's the difference between Autism and being LGBT?

Autism is not a disability

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What do you call a fish with no eyes?

You call it a fish. Having a disability doesn't mean you're a new species, ya jerk!

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It took a ton of work and time for my wife to be approved for disability from the SSA...

The whole process was ASS backwards.

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Have you guys heard about the new Disability Discrimination Act?

Neither have I but apparently the Thalidomide people are up in arms about it...

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What do you call a heritable mental disability?

Hand-me-downs

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What do you call a man with three legs?

You call him a man. His physical disability should have no bearing on how you see him. You monster.

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What disability does every politician share

They are all short sighted

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There are 3 genders

°Rapist
°Dishwasher
°Mental Disability

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I always wanted to be a comedian but my disability held me back.

I’m a woman

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So it turns out stupidity can be considered a form of mental illness...

Guess who just got disability benefits.. SUCKERS!

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What do you call a Chinese dinosaur with a reading disability?

Dysrexic

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Ok,so a woman had a dating problem

Her vagina smelled like onion and whenever she dated someone and things would get intimate in bed,the guys would be like "Oh my god,smells like fucking onions" and then they would abandon her in the middle of the act.

This problem plagued her for many years until she decided to discuss it with her best friend.Her friend then suggested "Why don't you try going with


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A couple of carnies are looking to adopt a child...

...so they take a long trek out to meet the manager of an adoption agency. As requested, they show photos of their large home, including the room they'd converted into a bedroom a few months back.

"This all looks very well," the manager says, "do you have any preference in the way of the child's gender?"

The couple glance at each other, and r


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Shout out to my grandparents!

Not because they both helped out with something, but because they have a hearing disability.

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Living on disability allowance is difficult, isnt it?

I have a friend who’s a dwarf, and he really struggles to put food on the table.

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Living on disability allowance is tough, isnt it?

[deleted]

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What qualifies a woman in hollywood for disability benefits?

"A" cup

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What bands did they hire to play at the Developmental Disability Conference?

System of a Downs
My Chemical Imbalance.
Youth In Asia




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Disability Rights

I went out shopping the other day to pickup some groceries before the snowstorm. As I was standing in line waiting to be checked out I noticed a guy with a shirt on that said "disability rights are a civil right".

I also noticed that he wasn't standing up for them.

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Civil Rights

I went out shopping the other night to pickup some groceries since I only had condiments left in my refrigerator. While I was waiting in the checkout line I noticed a guy with an interesting t-shirt.

It read, "Disability Rights are Civil Rights".

I found that odd because I noticed he wasn't standing up for them.


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I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted, "Oi, what's your disability?"

I said, "Tourettes! Now fuck off!"

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Disability UK:

Standing up for those who can't stand up for themselves

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What's the difference between someone who has a learning disability and someone who's just stupidslowdumb?

[deleted]

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For years I thought my kid had a leaning disability..... Turns out it was a typo. Still.... It's been tough keeping him on the straight and narrow!

[deleted]

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New TV show to be aired about a delivery boy with mental disability

They're calling it UPS & Down's.

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What does an Italian have when one arm is shorter than the other?

A terrible disability.

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What do you call someone who has dry lips and a disability?

Handichapped.

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What do you call a painter with a mental disability?

An autist.

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Term for the Useless

I have a buddy that is on unemployment and disability at the same time... I call it unability!

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A man with leprosy walks into a bar

He goes up to the bartender and asks for a gin and tonic. The bartender looks at him, then suddenly leans over and vomits onto the floor. Insulted, he storms out.

he comes back the next day and the same thing happens. The third time, he finally decides to get the bartender have a piece of his mind. "Look," he says," I know I look like hell, but your behaviour is beyond


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A quadruple amputee goes to the beach...

A quadruple amputee goes to the beach. A man walks by her and she calls him over. The man asks if he can help her. She says because of her disability, she is not involved in much sexual activity and asks if she can give him a blow job. The man says sure and proceeds to get a blow job. After she is done with him another man walks by. She calls him and tells him because of her disability she was nev


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Simply genius

Joe is late for work again and cant find a regular parking space, so he parks on a parking space for disabled persons. His boss, however, is not the forgiving kind and fires him right off the bat for being late. Devastated, Joe walks to the parking lot just to see a meter maid writing him a ticket. As she realizes Joe is heading towards her, and seeing the mixture of sadness and anger on his face,


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What's better than winning a silver medal at the Paralympics?

Not having a disability.

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